Ministry Wives Resource Center

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Recipes

posted at the ministry wives support group board.

source: Elizabeth Beck

recipe main site: northpole.com

Thanks helpmeet!

The holidays are just around the corner, this might be handy to have!This is remarkable! Even if you have no particular interest, please pass on to the bakers in your life. They'll appreciate it. Just click on the name of the cookie and bam the recipe is there. Good to keep handy !

When Our Plans Aren't God's Plans

Cliff Young

Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer

Do you ever look at your life and wonder how you got where you are? Do you ever compare your life to your friends' or neighbors' lives? Do you ever wonder if you'll ever reach those goals that you set for yourself or realize the dreams that you have?

Me too.

I'm a planner by nature … and by habit … and by profession. I like to know where I am, where I'm going and what's going to happen. You can call it being in control or you can call it being a control freak. I'm not one who rebels against changes, but they should all be within the boundaries of MY plan.

Do you know anyone like that? Are you like that? Fortunately for me (and those around me) I'm learning to not be "that" extreme anymore. I used to think that I could plan out my whole life and live it accordingly. Oftentimes, my plans unraveled and I would find myself wondering …

Why did my plans go wrong?
Did I make a wrong turn somewhere that led me down this road?
Are my dreams not going to be realized?
Why me?!

According to Proverbs 16:9 (often quoted by "non-planners"), "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."

I not only "planned" my course in my heart, but also in my mind, body, spirit, on paper and on my calendar! By the time that I graduated from college, I had my whole life laid out before my eyes. One thing that I didn't "plan" on being at this point in my schedule was SINGLE!

For many of us, our "plans" haven't worked out exactly according to our calendars and PDAs. For many of us, it's a constant adjustment to what we had "thought" or "planned." For many of us, something happened that was totally out of our control.

So, how have you reacted?

Complain? Question? Curse?

Job didn't "plan" on losing his family, his wealth, and his livelihood. He didn't plan on being raided, having fireballs fall from the sky killing his livestock, having a tornado hit his family's house killing his sons and daughters, and being inflicted with boils. He reacted to his situation as many of us probably would have (or do each day when the "unexpected" happens).

"I am disgusted with my life. Let me complain freely. I will speak in the bitterness of my soul" (Job 10:1).
"Why do you reject me, the work of your own hands, while sending joy and prosperity to the wicked? (Job 10:3).
"Cursed be the day of my birth, and cursed be the night when I was conceived" (Job 3:3).

Job's wife, who was in the midst of the same suffering, said, "Are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Curse God and die" (Job 2:9).

If there was anyone who felt as if he had control over his plans and future, it would have been Job. Here was a man who, according to most standards, was a success. He had a large family, wealth beyond what any of us could imagine, and his health. Beyond that the Lord said, "He is the finest man in all the earth—a man of complete integrity. He fears God and will have nothing to do with evil" (Job 1:8). In other words, he "had it all."

"But they do not know the Lord's thoughts or understand his plan" (Micah 4:12).

At one time or another in everyone's life, we all face disappointment and plans that don't meet our expectations. If you ever think that you're the only person on earth that has had their plans and dreams shattered, it only takes one episode of auditions from American Idol to confirm that "you are not alone."

Emil Zatopek, Four-time Olympic gold medalist, may have prophesied about future American Idol contestants or many of us when he said:

"You can't climb up to the second floor without a ladder. When you set your aim too high and don't fulfill it, then your enthusiasm turns to bitterness."

Lofty goals and aiming high isn't wrong, in fact a lot of people probably don't shoot high enough. The question, "How do you deal with disappointment and unfulfilled expectations?" arises when our standards aren't met and the plans we make don't work out.

I wonder …

How many of us have had our enthusiasm for something (or somebody) turn into resentment and bitterness?
How many of us still carry baggage from our childhood, from a former job, or from a past relationship?
How many of us are allowing disappointments from yesterday to impact our lives negatively today?

Outcome

Job wasn't immune to speaking his peace. After many days of questions and complaints from Job, God answered him.

"Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorant words? Brace yourself, because I have some questions for you, and you must answer them. Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me, if you know so much. Do you know how its dimensions were determined and who did the surveying? What supports its foundations, and who laid its cornerstone as the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy? Who defined the boundaries of the sea as if burst from the womb, and as I clothed it with clouds and thick darkness? …" (Job 37-41).

Job replied to the Lord, "I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you. You ask, 'Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?' It is I. And I was talking about things I did not understand, things far too wonderful for me?" (Job 42:1-3).

Are you discouraged, discontent, bitter? The disgruntlement and baggage from expectations not met can take away from the joy and the future that the Lord has, wants, and "plans" for each one of us. That joy often comes in ways we could never imagine or envision for ourselves.

Could the elder Abraham and Sarah have planned on conceiving a baby in their later years? (Genesis 21)
Could the barren Hannah have planned on her womb being opened so she could conceive a baby? (1 Samuel 1)
Could the widowed and childless Ruth have planned on remarrying a wealthy landowner and bearing a son? (Ruth 4)

How?

Despite Job's outbursts of frustration and exasperation, he never lost faith and he never denounced God.

"At least I can take comfort in this: Despite the pain, I have not denied the words of the Holy One" (Job 6:10).

Abraham, Hannah, and Ruth never lost their faith either. They continued to pray and rely upon the Lord during their grief.

"Then Abraham prayed to God …" (Genesis 20:17).
"….For I (Hannah) have been praying out of great anguish and sorrow" (1 Samuel 1:16).
(Boaz to Ruth) "May the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge, reward you fully" (Ruth 2:12).

The interesting thing about Job's case is that he never gets "answers" to his questions, but he does get a renewed vision of God, and died "an old man who had lived a long, good life" (Job 42:17).

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope" (Jeremiah 29:11).

Many times you hear that passage quoted alone, but we really need to read on to receive the full instructions of that passage.

"'In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me. I will be found by you,' says the Lord" (Jeremiah 29:12-14).

The Lord does not hide from us in times of need. Oftentimes, we may be so wrapped up in ourselves and the situation that we don't even see the Lord in the midst of it.

The next time you find yourself feeling alone or on a path that you didn't plan on, seek the Lord, take refuge in Him, and spend time in prayer. Ask Him to help you conform your "plans" to His plans for your life.

Cliff Young is a contributing writer to Sandlot Stories (ARose Books). An architect and former youth worker, he now works with Christian musicians and consults for a number of Christian ministries. Got feedback? Send your comments and questions to CYdmg@yahoo.com.

Are You Controlling Your Teen Too Much?

Mark Gregston

HeartLight Ministries

personal/ministry resource

source : Crosswalk

includes some tips/suggestions at the end of the article

Practice makes perfect - especially in music. We parents hear a child practice, make mistakes, practice, make some more mistakes. But eventually, with enough practice, they get it right, and we jump for joy. The same is true for decision-making. With enough practice, your child can learn to become a good decision-maker, and to become mature, responsible, and trustworthy.

Handing over some control, and setting good boundaries is essential to fostering maturity in your teen. However, we parents often don't realize that unless we allow our child to take full responsibility for their behavior by facing consequences, our teenagers will remain immature. I deal with this constantly in my work with struggling teens and their parents, who wonder why their teen is so out of control.

At the heart of this issue is one central theme - consequences. If you wonder why teenagers behave irresponsibly, well, it's because they are irresponsible. And, they will not become responsible or mature, or wise, until they engage in the process of dealing with the consequences of their choices and behavior. It is a cycle that needs to happen over and over before a teen comes to full maturity.

Sometimes a parent says, "Wouldn't it be best to wait until I trust my child till I give them more responsibility or control, then they won't have such difficult consequences?" My answer is that if you wait until you trust them, you will never give them any responsibility. You never will. And, they won't learn how to face consequences and learn from them, or the consequences do face late on will be of a much more serious nature.

Don't Wait…Start Early

Building responsibility and good decision-making takes practice, and you have to start earlier than you think. It is a learned process. As the writer of Hebrews says, "But solid food is for the mature, who, because of practice (constant use) have their senses trained to discern good and evil." Hebrews 5:14

Start by giving responsibilities early. Give them a checkbook in the sixth grade. Give them a debit card with their allowance on it so they learn early how to manage it. Get an alarm clock and let them wake themselves up for school every morning. Let them keep a calendar and be responsible to let you know in advance when they need transport to and from events. Then, don't take them if you don't discuss it in advance. The consequence of not communicating about the calendar is, "you don't get to go."

When they begin driving, agree to periodically put money on a gas card. Then when they prematurely run out of their gas allowance, don't give them more. I guarantee it will be the last time they run out. In the process they will figure out how to manage their gas money.

The idea here is to stop helping teenagers so much - not the way you have helped them when they were younger. While a major responsibility of good parenting is certainly to control and protect our children, parents must make room for their older children to make mistakes. You help a teen best by letting them deal with the natural results of their decision, and then letting them figure out how to get back up.

In most cases, a parent takes control because they see an absence of a child's self-control and there is a display of immaturity and irresponsibility. Parents of troubled teens often feel forced into the mode of over-control.

Avoiding Over-Control

Over-control happens when otherwise loving parents protect their children from the consequences of their mistakes, or by having too-strict rules and limits (Example: Not wanting them to be with others for fear of them learning bad habits, getting hurt, etc.)

Over-controlled children are more likely to have problems with peer dependence, relationship enmeshment conflicts and difficulty setting and keeping firm boundaries. They may also have problems taking risks and being creative.

Every culture on earth has a proverb that resembles this one: If you rescue them once, you will just have to rescue them again.

Handing teenagers control and allowing them to face the consequences of their own decisions means:

They may get an "F" on their homework when they don't turn in homework. When they get enough F's, they will flunk the class. If they flunk the class, they will have to make it up in summer school. If they don't make it up in summer school, they won't graduate. (Believe me, I've seen it happen just this way.)
They may have to walk to school, pay for a cab, or miss an entire day when they don't get up in time to make the bus. If they miss school, they miss the fun after school or this weekend as well. Don't write the excuse that gets them out of the consequences.
If they serve detention, then let them miss the football game on Friday night as well.
If they use the Internet to promote an inappropriate image or lifestyle, disconnect it for a period of time.
Should they be arrested and it is obvious that they or the friends they were hanging around with are at fault, let them sit in jail for awhile. Don't bail them out right away. Sitting in jail can have a sobering affect on their thinking and force them to reevaluate their life's direction.
If they are ticketed for speeding, not wearing their seat belt, being out past the lcoal curfew, or other infractions of the law, let them figure out how to pay the fine, as well as how to get to work the next day, since they will not be driving your car.
Let them help pay for their insurance and gas when they are ready to start driving. Don't even get them their license until they can pay their portion of the first quarter of insurance.
Pay for college as long as they maintain their grades at a level you both agree. If grades become unsatisfactory, then let them pay for the next semester. If you are paying for college, tell them the schools you are willing to pay for. If they wish to attend elsewhere, they can pay for it
If they spend their money foolishly, don't buy them the things they need. Let them figure out how to pay for those things (like extra gas money). Doing without may teach them to stop spending foolishly.
If they are dabbling in drugs or alcohol, require them to pass periodic and unannoucned drug and alcohol tests as a requirement to live in your house.
Let them decide how to pay for college next semester if this semester they spent more time partying than studying. And don't finance an apartment or a car if they continue with that lifestyle. Let them decide how to finance that lifestyle themselves.
Turn off the TV, remove the TV, or cancel your cable if staying away from viewing inappropriate content is a problem for them. Loss of the TV is an appropriate consequence.

What it doesn't mean is that you are a being bad parent by allowing these consequences to happen. Letting them experience consequences for poor reasoning is the best thing you can do for a teenager.

Pre-teens are just a few short years away from driving, earning, and spending. Make it your goal to create the environment where they learn responsibility, and grow into maturity. You want them to experience the Fruit of the Spirit, which is self-control, with the ability to make good decisions, and not be controlled by unhealthy things.

Are you willing to begin to relinquish control and therefore help your teenager find out who he is and who God desires for him to be? It doesn't mean you stop helping your child. It means that you wait to be invited into the problem-solving process, and even then you don't solve problems for them. You let them face the music and experience the consequences of their own decisions. You set new boundaries, and let them move in the direction they decide works best for them.

You may have to repeat this process several times before your teen gets it right, so hang in there. Eventually he or she will get it, learn how to make good decisions, and avoid consequences.

Mark Gregston is a radio host, author and the Founder and Executive Director of Heartlight Ministries. To read more of his blogs on parenting troubled teens, please visit www.markgregston.com/. He can be reached at 903-668-2173 or markgregston@heartlightministries.org.

Guard Your Marriage against the Subtle Serpent

Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg

America's Family Coaches

ministry or personal resource

Don't look now, but there is someone who is dead set against you and your spouse enjoying a happy, fulfilling marriage. No, we're not talking about your in-laws or an old, jealous boyfriend or girlfriend –we certainly hope these people aren't against you! We're talking about someone very hateful, powerful, and devious. We're talking about God's archenemy and the enemy of your soul. We're talking about Satan.

Now, maybe you're wondering, "What's so special about my marriage that the devil himself is out to ruin it?" Here's the bottom line: Your marriage is God's creation, and your family is God's joy. And that's why the Devil is out to destroy it. It is vital that you guard your hearts and your marriage from the devil's ongoing assault.

Throughout the Bible, God uses marriage as an object lesson for his desired relationship with humankind. Solomon's love poem illustrates the kinds of relationship God wants between you and Himself – and you and your spouse. It says, "I am my lover's, and my lover is mine" (Song of Songs 6:3).

That's what your marriage is supposed to look like: a husband and wife totally devoted to and absorbed in one another. When you love your spouse sacrificially and unconditionally according to the guidelines of Scripture and when he or she loves you the same way, you are modeling for all to see the essence of how God wants to be involved with us.

God wants your marriage to paint a true picture. He wants your kids to see a dad and mom so devoted to each other and to them that they say, "Wow! So that's how much God loves me." He wants your neighbors, work associates, and friends to see how you humbly serve one another and say, "Amazing! So that's what it means to serve God." No wonder Satan wants to deface this image by ruining your marriage – or at least keeping it from becoming all it can be!

How does Satan seek to devour your marriage? One of his primary weapons is the godless culture we live in. You can talk all you want to about America as a "Christian nation," but there is a lot going on in American culture that is working against the health and success of your marriage. And if you fail to guard against these subtle – and sometimes blatant – influences, this world will drain the vitality and passion from your marriage relationship. What influences are we talking about?

The media. When was the last time you flipped on a television drama, viewed a movie at the theater, or read a secular novel that didn't glorify adultery or an illicit affair in some manner? And even when infidelity and dishonesty in marriage isn't glorified in these presentations, it is at least accepted and condoned as "normal." At the same time, wholesome, monogamous marriages are often pictured as anemic or boring.

The lives of the "rich and famous," the people our culture idolizes and seeks to emulate – movie stars, television personalities, recording artists, and politicians. Yes, there are a number of people in the public eye who are known for staying married and remaining faithful. But these are not the couples who get the media coverage. Rather, we are bombarded with the sordid details of celebrity "bedroom bingo": who is sleeping with whom, who is cheating on whom, who is divorcing whom, who is having whose "love child" out of wedlock, and so on. You can't get through a grocery store checkout line without the headlines glaring at you from the sleazy tabloids.

Pornography. Countless numbers of magazines, books, videos, adult "superstores," and Internet Web sites promote unbridled sexual expression. Through it all comes Satan's dark, diabolical suggestion: "Why work so hard at building a marriage when you can spend your life in pleasure with all these toys?"

You may say, "We're Christians, so the culture doesn't influence us that much." If Satan's influence through the culture didn't affect believers, we wouldn't need the clear instruction found in 1 John 2:15-16, which is written to Christians: "Stop loving this evil world and all that it offers you, for when you love the world, you show that you do not have the lover of the Father in you. For the world offers only the lust for physical pleasure, the lust for everything we see, and pride in our possessions. These are not from the Father. They are from this evil world."

The devil probably knows he can't convince you to dump your spouse and run off with another man or woman. But he will try to keep that option looking attractive to you through the media and other means. He will do his best to stoke the fires of lust enough to distract you from full devotion to your spouse. And if he can keep you distracted by the world's view of marriage and sex, your marriage will be much less than it could be – which suits him just fine.

We're not advocating that you take a sledge hammer to your TV, torch all your paperback novels, or swear off attending movies. But as a couple you must exercise guarding love by holding each other accountable to verses like Romans 12:2, "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think."

We are stuck in this world for now. But as Jesus said, we are not of this world any more than he is of this world. The distractions are strong and plentiful. But guarding love find a way to make it through together without being devoured by Satan. Solomon's instructions in Proverbs 4:25-27 are key: "Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; then stick to the path and stay safe. Don't get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil."

Portions of this article were adapted from "Renewing Your Love," Copyright 2003 by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg, all rights reserved. Published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., www.tyndale.com. To order this resource or to find our more about Dr. Gary and Barb – Your Marriage Coaches, visit www.drgaryandbarb.com or call 1-888-608-COACH.

Married over 30 years, the parents of two adult daughters and four grandchildren, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg, your marriage coaches, have a unique blend of insight and wisdom that touch people of all ages. Together with Gary's 25,000 hours of counseling experience and Barbara's gift of encouragement and biblical teaching, they are equipping thousands of families across the nation through their interactive daily radio program, conferences, and marriage and family resources.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Carefully Considering Our Relationships

by Carolyn Mahaney

source: CW

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." Ephesians 5:15-16

This verse could well be the theme verse for our series: "The Disciplined Woman ." It's not a verse, however, that we might initially connect with Habit #3: "She focuses on right relational priorities for every season."

Relationships. A highly important topic to us as women, is it not? We are, by nature, relational creatures. We thrive on interaction with others and wither apart from it. Our world is often centered on our family and friends. The people in our lives usually consume a majority of our time and thoughts.

Yet, we are often more passive and receptive than we are intentional and purposeful in our relationships. We may allow people to drift in and out of our lives. We don't usually pause to consider our motives for developing a certain friendship or neglecting another. Emotions and feelings sometimes play far too significant a role in why and how we go about relationships.

Scripture would call us to "look carefully then how you walk" and whom we walk with! We must prayerfully consider our relational priorities in the light of God's priorities. Do our relationships -- the people we choose to interact with, the time we spend, the content of our interactions -- bring glory to God?

Over the years, I have used a simple exercise to help me evaluate my own relationships. Approximately twice a year I set aside time for planning and evaluation (we'll talk more about this when we hit habit #4). Among many other topics, I consider my relationships.

It's pretty straightforward really. I make a list of all the people in my life at present. Beginning with my husband, I list all the members of my family. After family, I write out the names of the people in my small group at church, followed by other friendships, both local and out of town. Finally, I consider and list those people who I am seeking to reach out to for the purpose of evangelism.

When I've finished my relational catalog, I begin by thanking God for the many people who are such a blessing in my life. I don't deserve family and friends like this! But thanking God for the blessing of relationships is only the first step.

Carefully Considering Your List

So you've got your "Relationship List" in hand. Are you ready to proceed with our little exercise?

After we've thanked God for the blessing of family and friends we are ready to evaluate our relationships in light of Scripture.

First of all, let's consider the following two questions:

Is there anyone not on this list who should be?

For example, if we're not cultivating evangelistic relationships (Col. 4:5-6 ), or seeking to encourage younger women ( Titus 2:3), or reaching out to new people ( Heb. 13:2), then God would have us make such relationships a priority.

And:

Is there anyone on this list who should not be?

If, for instance, someone is an ungodly influence, we need to graciously sever that friendship ( 1 Cor. 15:33). Or if there are an excessive number of friends on our list ( Prov. 18:24), then maybe we need to consider focusing our attention on fewer godly relationships.

Priority relationships shouldn't primarily be based on whom we "click with" or enjoy hanging out with the most, or even those who "need" us the most. Rather, our relationships should spring primarily from a desire to grow in godliness, encourage godliness in others, and share the gospel with the lost.

So, after we have the priority people on our list, let's evaluate these relationships a little more closely by considering two more questions:

Does our involvement and investment with each person reflect the priority this relationship should be at present?

For wives and mothers: does our investment of time reflect that our husband and children are our greatest priority? ( Prov 31:10-31, Titus 2:3-5)

Does our relational network indicate that we place the highest value on friendships in the church? ( Gal 6:10)

Do our relational priorities reveal a lifestyle of evangelism? ( Col. 4:5-6)

What specific, practical changes do we need to make in our relationships so that we are involved with and investing in the right people for the right amount of time?

Finally, let me encourage you to show this list to your husband (where applicable) or another godly woman. Let's not assume we can figure this out on our own! And if you are a mother of a teenage girl, carve out some time to take her through this exercise.

Evaluating my relationships on a regular basis, in accordance with God's Word, has never failed to yield insight. I usually become aware of specific changes that reap God-glorifying results as I put them in place.

I pray God will bless you as you seek to bring honor to Him -- not only in the way that you walk, but also with whom you walk!

For a more in-depth read on this topic, check out the Mahaney's newest book: Shopping for Time: How to Do It All and NOT be Overwhelmed (Crossway, 2007)

This article was adapted from "Girl Talk" - a blog kept by Carolyn and her three daughters for women in all seasons of life.

Carolyn Mahaney is a wife, mother, homemaker, and the author of Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother , Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood and Shopping for Time: How To Do It All and Not Be Overwhelmed (written with her daughters) due out in July. During her more than 30 years as a pastor's wife, Carolyn has spoken to women in many churches and conferences, including those of Sovereign Grace Ministries, which her husband, C.J., leads. C.J. and Carolyn have three married daughters and one fourteen-year-old son, Chad.

Nicole Whitacre is the oldest daughter of C.J. and Carolyn Mahaney, as well as a wife, mother, and homemaker. She assisted her mother with Feminine Appeal, and is the co-author of Girl Talk . Nicole and her husband Steve--who is a youth pastor at Sovereign Grace Church--have one son Jack, 4 and a newborn daughter Tori.

Kristin Chesemore and her husband Brian are the busy parents of three boys. Andrew is seven, Liam is four, and Owen is three. In the little spare time she does have, Kristin supports Brian in his role as a pastor in Family Life Ministries at Covenant Life Church.

Janelle Bradshaw has been married to her husband Mike for four years and they have a beautiful daughter Caly, 1. Mike serves as a pastor in Children's Ministry at Covenant Life Church.

Ministry Wives Resource Center

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Recipes

When Our Plans Aren't God's Plans

Are You Controlling Your Teen Too Much?

Guard Your Marriage against the Subtle Serpent

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Carefully Considering Our Relationships

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