Ministry Wives Resource Center

2008-05-30T08:57:00.002+08:00

Hello!
To ensure a fast loading of our pages,
we've created a THIRD site which will be containing all our NEWLY ADDED resources from June 1, 2008.

Visit
http://mwfrc3.blogspot.com to browse new additions to our online resource collection.

Our other resource sites:

Visit
http://mwfrc2.blogspot.com to browse additions to our online resource collection from April 1, 2007 to May 31, 2008.

Visit
http://mwfrc.blogspot.com to browse additions to our online resource collection from March 2007 and before.

Make your search easy by browsing our RESOURCE INDEX site at:
http://resourceindex.blogspot.com

This new resource index site contains ALL ( combined ) links to posted resources on ALL resource sites. Browse links to our resource titles per TOPIC/CATEGORY.

Also, use the SEARCH box at the bottom of our latest resource site:
http://mwfrc3.blogspot.com

This box will search for your topics or keywords across ALL our resources and resource site.

For ministry wives, we invite you to join our online care and resource group.
Just click the 'join' button at
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Ministry Job Seeker Advice - Tips from the Pros

2008-05-29T11:12:00.000+08:00

as Pastors this was sent to me, thought this will be great to read, and absorb what the Lord wants for us, as leaders.
Joyce Pillay

*thanks helpmeet*

Pre-Conditions of a Church Leader

If anyone wants to provide leadership in the church, good! But there are preconditions: A leader must be well-thought-of, committed to his wife, cool and collected, accessible, and hospitable. He must know what he's talking about, not be overfond of wine, not pushy but gentle, not thin-skinned, not money-hungry.

He must handle his own affairs well, attentive to his own children and having their respect. For if someone is unable to handle his own affairs, how can he take care of God's church? He must not be a new believer, lest the position go to his head and the Devil trip him up. Outsiders must think well of him, or else the Devil will figure out a way to lure him into his trap. (1 Timothy 3:1-7, The Message)

Well-thought-of.Is this true of you? Be honest; don’t delude yourself.

1. Committed to your spouse. You may feel totally committed to your spouse, but does he/she know it?

2. Cool and collected. Have you blown your temper lately? All leaders come under pressure at times, but these times can truly test this particular leadership pre-condition.

3. Accessible. Is your office door open or closed right now? What does this tell you?

4. Hospitable. Is it important to you to provide a welcome environment for others?

5. Must know what you’re talking about. Do you faithfully and diligently do your homework?

6. Not be overfond of wine. If this happens to be an area of vulnerability, watch out.

7. Not pushy but gentle. Do you manipulate? Or do you lead?

8. Not thin-skinned. Count your blessings; ignore your blisters!

9. Not money-hungry. Money is never, ever more important than people.

10. Handle your own affairs well. Are any of your personal affairs in shambles?

11. Attentive to your children and having their respect. Don’t place your ministry ahead of your family.

12. Must not be a new believer. You probably satisfy this one.

13. Outsiders must think well of you. What is your reputation in your community?

Helpful Hints & Suggestions
10 Steps in Creating a Good Résumé

1. Choose a target job (also called a "job objective"). An actual job title works best.

2. Find out what skills, knowledge, and experience are needed to do that target job.

3. Make a list of your 2, 3, or 4 strongest skills, abilities, or knowledge that make you a good candidate for the target job.

4. For each key skill, think of several accomplishments from your past work history that illustrate that skill.

5. Describe each accomplishment in a simple, powerful action statement that emphasizes the benefit to your employer.

6. Make a list in chronological order of the primary jobs you've held. Include any unpaid work that fills a gap or shows you have the skills for the target job.

7. Make a list of your training and education related to the target job.

8. Choose a résumé format that fits your situation, either chronological or functional. Functional works best if you're changing fields; chronological works well if you're moving up in the same field.

9. Arrange your action statements according to the format you choose.

10. Summarize your key points at the top of your résumé.
_

good resource: How You Can Live the Lord's Prayer

2008-05-29T07:48:00.000+08:00

Whitney Hopler
source: CW

Editor's Note: The following is a report on the practical applications of David Timms' new book, Living the Lord's Prayer, (Bethany House, 2008).

The Lord's Prayer is much more than just a model of how best to pray. It's a statement of how to get to know God's heart. And when you live out those words, God will transform you completely.

Here's how you can live the Lord's Prayer:

Our: Realize that the journey to a deeper walk with God can only be fully lived in the company of God's people. Faith is not an individual pursuit; it's meant to be pursued within the context of community. Whenever you abandon the body of Christ, you're abandoning yourself. You can't grow in grace by withdrawing from others. Commit to long-term relationships with people. When you face a difficulty in any of your relationships, don't simply run or battle it out with the other person. Instead, resolve the issue and reconcile. Focus on people over productivity and on relationships over results. Instead of looking at people in terms of what they can do for you, seek to simply get to know them and love them. Don't place people in categories and distinguish between them. Ask God to help you view all people as He sees them -- equally valuable because they're all made in His image -- and to treat everyone with respect and kindness. Remember that you can truly love God if you don't love your brothers and sisters in Christ. Don't let anything divide the unity God wants you to have. Remain committed to each other, living in grace and forgiveness, just as God remains committed to you.

Father: Experience true love and security from your ultimate Father: God. Remember the Gospel's promise of freedom. Don't slip into a lifestyle of worrying about duties, obligations, rules, regulations, expectations, and demands when God wants you live freely. Instead of trying to live faithfully just because you'd feel guilty if you didn't, let your love for God and your gratitude for His grace motivate you to live faithfully. Rather than letting fear guide your decisions, make decisions with the confidence that God will love you no matter what and will always be there to help you.

In the heavens: Developing a cosmic perspective of God will nurture your faith and give you the hope you'll need to get through challenging circumstances. Recognize that the spiritual realm you can't see is just as much of a reality as the material world you can see. Just beyond what's visible lies a supernatural dimension that often intersects with the natural world in which you live. God transcends your human limitations, and He is present in all dimensions. God is as close to you as your next breath, yet as far-reaching as the most distant areas of the universe. Ask God to help you become fully aware of His constant presence with you, and of the work He is doing in the world around you. Change your lifestyle so you're not regularly distracted from noticing God at work. Learn how to be still, focus, wait, and listen.

Hallowed be your name: Seek to honor God by the way you live. Do more than just say words of adoration about Him. Surrender every part of your life to Him and do your best to obey what He calls you to do. Ask God to help you become aware of your own sinfulness. Acknowledge your failures, confess your sins, and repent. Then pursue holiness. Aim for higher standards -- God's standards. Let the knowledge of your sin show you how much you need God's grace and motivate you to draw closer to Him. Acknowledge that it's God's holiness that enables you to be fulfilled. His holiness empowers you to see the shortsightedness of secularism, the poverty of profanity, and the futility of immorality. As you hallow God's name, He confronts everything destructive and poisonous within you. Never allow yourself to become complacent; keep pursuing more holiness every day of your life.

Your kingdom come: Participate in God's kingdom rather than retreating into your own. Invite God not to partner with your life, but to come and rule your life. Let go of your own agenda and pursue God's plans for you, trusting that the One who created you knows what's best for you. Surrender your values to embrace God's values, submit your will to His, and cede your ambition in favor of God's purposes. Ask God to humble you so you can know Him better. Realize that you can't build your private empire and God's eternal kingdom at the same time. So hold loosely to your own achievements and allegiances. Remember that you don't work for yourself or by yourself; you serve God as He works through you.
Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven: Seek to do God's will rather than your own will when you make decisions every day. Ask God to transform your willfulness into willingness. Remember that God wants what's best for you. Tell Him that you want what He wants, and receive what He gives. Don't worry about trying to discover the details of the future God has planned for you. Entrust all the details to God and simply make a habit of following where God leads you every day. Discard your fantasies of perfect people and situations, and, instead, direct your energy to loving the people you actually know and working out the real situations you encounter. Affirm your desire for God's purposes instead of just your own fantasies. Don't be so preoccupied with your plans for the future that you don't notice God with you in each present moment. As you live in His presence, you live in His will. As you have the courage to pray for God's will to be done, your prayer will help you develop a purity of heart that will transform you into the person God wants you to become. If you're willing to undergo anything to know God more, your passion will lead to wonderful work that God will do in you, through you, and with you.

Give us this day our daily bread: Learning how to depend on God's unlimited power rather than your own limited efforts will draw you closer to Him. Recognize that the spiritual and the physical are inseparably connected, so everything you do in the physical realm relates to the spiritual realm. Whenever you have a physical need, it relates to a spiritual need in some way. No matter what problems you're facing -- from a broken relationship to financial troubles -- you'll find better solutions if you pray than if you if you try to tackle them on your own. Every kind of activity you do can be a spiritual act of service to the Lord -- not just studying your Bible or going to church, but helping a neighbor with yard work or visiting someone in the hospital. Whenever you misuse your physical body (such as through sexual immorality), you experience spiritual consequences. You can always count on God to provide what you need, both physically and spiritually. But you need to develop a habit of depending on Him every day, rather than trying to make things happen for yourself on your own. Give up your attempts to live a self-sufficient and comfortable life, and thank God that He provides all you need -- even the next breath you take. Simplify your demands and expectations, focusing on your true needs rather than extravagant desires. When you present your requests to God, ask for what you need, and be willing to share with others to become part of the answer to their prayers for what they need.

Forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors: Nurture a culture of grace in your life by following God's call to forgive the people who hurt you. Choose to forgive, despite your feelings, and trust that God will help you to do so. Remember that forgiving doesn't mean condoning something wrong or forgetting it. It simply means releasing it. In the process, you'll experience freedom from bitterness that can poison your soul. Forgiveness will restore your soul and allow you to move on. Remember how much God has forgiven you, and let your gratitude motivate you to obey His command to forgive others. Keep in mind that grace is the opposite of what you deserve: You deserve punishment, but God has given you blessing; You deserve judgment, but God has adopted you; You deserve alienation, but God has welcomed you. Since you've accepted God's grace yourself, you need to extend that same grace to others. But don't take advantage of God's grace, but confessing your sin in a casual manner or repenting in a flippant way. Take your sin seriously, and express gratitude to God often for His forgiveness. Give God your love and respect, and freely offer to others that grace that He gives you.

Lead us not into testing, but deliver us from evil: Grow in faith and obedience to grow closer to God. Be alert to the possibility that God will test you in various ways, and keep in mind that if He does, the tests will be designed to help you and not to harm you. Constantly seek to deepen your faith. Recognize and identify the different types of evil that exist in your life. Then confront them to break their hold over your life. Ask God to deliver you from whatever sin is oppressing you: anger, lust, greed, jealousy, bitterness, lies, etc. Remember that God alone empowers you to overcome sin, and that deliverance arises from you choosing to obey Him. Trust God to use your failures to help you grow. The only failure that ultimately matters is the failure to have faith. If you do have faith, though, with God's help you can overcome any other failure.

Yours is the kingdom, the power, and the glory: Abandon your pursuit of control and fame for yourself and focus your efforts on glorifying the God who created you. Pursuing your own kingdom on earth inevitably produces conflict and discontent. But pursuing God's purposes for your life will lead to true fulfillment. Remember that all of history is about God, not just you. Ultimately, only God's power and glory matter. While pursuing your own agenda may temporarily lead to fame and influence, without God, it will all be in vain. Serving God, though, will lead to great and lasting significance. Even the smallest act of service for God is hugely important.

Amen: Live from a position of saying "Yes" to God each day. Look beyond your circumstances to God, and choose to live by faith in every situation, trusting God for the ultimate outcome. Find the hope you need in God's promises, and live with the expectation of Him keeping all of them.

Adapted from Living the Lord's Prayer, copyright 2008 by David Timms. Published by Bethany House, a division of Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Mich., www.bethanyhouse.com. David Timms teaches and chairs the Graduate Ministry Department at Hope International University in Fullerton, California. David has been a church planter, pastor, and trainer of pastors for twenty-five years. His e-zine, In Hope, shares his reflections on Christian leadership and spiritual formation. He and his wife, Kim, have three sons and live in Fullerton, California.

Finding Joy When Life Isn't Fair

2008-05-28T12:24:00.000+08:00

Daniel Darling
source: Crosswalk

Editor's Note: In October 2007, we ran Daniel Darling's article titled, "Is God Fair? Maybe Not, But He's Right." This article is a follow-up to that first one. The author writes: "I was surprised at how much reaction [the first] article generated. Mostly people agreed with my assessment that our expectations for life are wildly out of touch with biblical reality. However, there were a few who commented that perhaps the tone of my article was one of bitterness at life's disappointments. 'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade,' one person wrote. I agree, so I thought it good to write a follow-up on the unexpected joy Christians find in the midst of trials." Enjoy.

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning"Psalm 30:5

When you first meet Linda Sullivan, my mother-in-law, you might think she has enjoyed a carefree, easygoing life. You might think she has never endured rejection, disappointment, or betrayal.

But you'd be wrong. As I chronicled in an earlier article, Linda has endured a gut-wrenching series of setbacks in her life, enough to make some Christians consider abandoning their faith.

Linda's not that way, however. Despite her hardship, Linda is full of joy. She has not only kept her faith, she's shared it with countless others. She wears a constant smile and is an encouragement to her family and her network of friends.

I've known Linda for six years and I've never seen her without a pen and a stack of note cards. There is always someone to encourage, someone's burden to help carry, someone to pray over. She has sent innumerable cards, bookmarks, and gifts to those who are hurting. And her cell phone is always dialed up with someone who needs a friend.

Linda's life is a great example of a biblical paradox: joy in the midst of suffering.

The world - and sadly, many in the church - have propagated the myth that happiness is found in prosperity, in promotion, in power. How often have you heard, "If you follow God, all your problems will go away"? Or, "God wants to make you rich"?

That doesn't quite square with Jesus words to his disciples in Matthew 16:24: "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me."

Thus, American Christians, having been fed a steady diet of false expectations, are not conditioned for the hard times. When something comes along that threatens the good life, we throw our hands up and scream, "Wait, this isn't fair!"

Now is where real faith enters - faith that God knows what He is doing and has our best interests at heart. Faith that nothing we endure is outside of His will. Faith that looks for happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment in a relationship with God.

This is also where real joy begins. Joy in trials. Consider the words of James to the early church, which endured bitter persecution. He said, "My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations" (
James 1:2).

Paul experienced that joy. Writing from prison, Paul encouraged the believers of Philippi with a letter whose theme is "Rejoice." He spoke as if joy were optional, a choice. Something you choose to do in spite of your circumstances.

Linda has made this choice throughout her life. And because of her testimony, her life has been a light to bring others into the Kingdom. It's akin to the testimony of Job, who said, "Though he slay me, yet I will trust him" (Job 13:15); the testimony of Joseph, who looked at his brothers, who had betrayed him, and said, "What you meant for evil, God meant for good" (Genesis 50:20); the testimony of the prophet Habakkuk, who surveyed his corrupt and crumbling nation and declared, "Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls: Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation" (Habakkuk 3:17).

The truth is that life isn't fair. You know it. I know it. Things happen that knock us off of our feet. But we have a God who promises to lead us by the hand, to wrap his arms around us, and to work out our life for His glory.

Daniel Darling is the author of
Teen People of the Bible. Visit him at danieldarling.com.

The Seasons of Parenting

2008-05-28T12:22:00.000+08:00

Dr. John Rosemond
source: CW
There is a time for everything, and a season to every activity under heaven. --Ecclesiastes 3:1

Like farming, raising livestock, gathering maple syrup, and the migrations of fish and birds, the raising of children is marked by seasons. These seasons were established by God; therefore, they cannot be altered at the whim of man.

Each of them is defined chronologically, and just as each of Earth's seasons requires of a farmer a unique set of tasks, so each of parenting's seasons requires a specific parental role and distinct parental responsibilities. A farmer who conforms his behavior to the unique characteristics of each of agriculture's seasons is all but assured a high yield.

Likewise, parents who conform their behavior to the unique requirements of each of the seasons of child rearing will be all but assured a "high yield" of reward and satisfaction out of seeing their children advance toward and eventually claim responsible maturity.

The Season of Service
The first of these, the Season of Service, begins at birth and lasts approximately two years. During this initial season parents function as servants to a child who cannot serve himself and cannot anticipate the consequences of his actions. His dependency and ignorance (not to be confused with lack of intelligence!) require that his parents place him at the center of their attention and orbit around him in a near-constant ministry of surveillance and "doing"--checking, feeding, carrying, changing, comforting, fixing, fetching, and so on.

The purposes of season one are threefold:
• To "root" the child securely in the world--to assure him that he is where he belongs, with people who love him and who will take good and proper care of him under any and all circumstances.
• To provide for the child's fundamental biological needs--put bluntly, to keep him alive and thriving. • To prevent, as much as is humanly possible, the child from hurting himself.

In all cultures and in all times, the mother has been and is the primary servant during season one. (There have been and are exceptions, but they are individual exceptions that have not significantly tilted the historical norm.) The father, even one who wants to be highly involved, stands slightly outside the periphery of his wife's busy orbiting. He is her "parenting aide." Like a teacher's aide's, the husband's job is to assist his wife and fill in for her when she needs a break. Consequent to this child centeredness, the marriage is "catch-as-catch-can" during season one. (To those of you who have noticed what may appear to be an inconsistency between what I say here and what I have earlier said about mothers orbiting around their children and fathers playing the role of "parenting aide," I will simply say [paraphrasing Ecclesiastes 3:1], "There is a time for everything . . . but it is not the entire time.")

Now, an infant or young toddler may not yet have well-developed language skills, but he is highly intelligent nonetheless. He is drawing inarticulate conclusions concerning the workings of things in his microcosm (which is the one-and-only world as far as he is concerned), one of which is that his mother is there to do his bidding and that he has power and authority over her. He verifies this by crying, at which his mother appears and does everything in her power to fix whatever it is that is causing his distress.

Grandma understood that whereas her ministry was a necessary one, she was slowly creating a monster. If she did not bring this first season to a close, she was in danger of raising a spoiled brat--a child who would believe that as his mother was continuing to do, so the world revolved around him. She realized that out of absolute necessity she had caused her child to believe that he had power over her, that she was his gofer; therefore, she had to step up to the plate and correct that impression. And so, around her child's second birthday, as he became more capable of doing basic things for himself, Grandma began to make the critical transition from the first of parenting's seasons to its second. Under normal circumstances, this transition takes about a year. It is, without question, the most significant and precedent-setting of all times in the parent-child relationship, the future of which hangs in the balance.

To bring about this transformation, a mother must begin:
• Teaching and expecting her child to do for himself what she has previously done for him--use the toilet instead of diapers, get his own cup of water and basic snacks, dress himself, pick up his toys, and so on. • Building a boundary between herself and her child, thus limiting his access to her--making him wait before she does something for him, refusing to pick him up (pointing out that she is involved with some¬thing else), instructing him to go elsewhere while she finishes a task.
• Backing slowly out of a state of high involvement with her child and re-establishing a state of high involvement with her husband, thus bringing his tenure as parenting aide to a close.

The Season of Leadership and Authority
As is so often the case when seasons change, this transitional year is marked by storms of protest from a child who wants season one to go on forever. Who can blame him? Who would not want a servant for life? But if the mother stays the course, then by the time her child has reached his third birthday, he will see her with new eyes: once a servant, now a formidable authority figure who is not to be trifled with. Where once he was at the center of her attention, she is now at the center of his. She insists that he do more and more things for himself, that he give her "space' to do what she needs and wants to do (including putting her feet up and doing nothing), and makes it perfectly clear that her relationship with his father trumps her relationship with him. And so begins the Season of Leadership and Authority, during which time the parents' job is to govern the child in such a way that he (1) consents to their government (becomes their willing disciple), and (2) internalizes their discipline and gradually develops the self-restraint necessary to govern himself responsibly.
This is not to say that parents should never serve a child who is in season two. There will, in fact, be times when service is absolutely necessary, but whereas service is the rule in season one, it should be the exception from that time on.

The Season of Mentoring
Season two lasts for ten years, from three to thirteen, at which point a second transition takes place (or should) that moves parent and child into season three, the Season of Mentoring. It is no coincidence that in traditional cultures, early adolescent rites of passage--Jewish bar and bat mitzvahs being extant ex-amples--occur when a child is thirteen. These rituals mark and celebrate a major transition in the parent-child relationship. They acknowledge that the child in question has completed the disciplinary "curriculum" of season two and is now regarded as self-governing. He no longer needs adults to tell him what and what not to do; rather, he needs adult mentors to help him acquire the practical skills he will need to emancipate successfully--how to apply for a job, balance a budget, plan for the future, and the like.

The Season of Friendship
The successful emancipation of the child marks the end of season three, the last season of active parenting, and the beginning of season four, the Season of Friendship. During this last and most rewarding of parenting's seasons, the child's parents are parents in the biological sense only; in reality, parents and child now regard one another as peers. The younger peer may seek guidance from one or both of the older peers, but that is no different from one friend seeking the counsel of another. In season three, guidance was provided largely at the parents' initiative; now, guidance is provided largely at the initiative of the biological child.
Within the framework of this seasonal approach to parenting, children emancipate relatively early. In Shakespeare's time, males were fully emancipated by age eighteen. As recently as 1970, the average age of successful emancipation was twenty.

From PARENTING BY THE BOOK by John Rosemond. Copyright (c) 2007 John K. Rosemond. Reprinted by permission of Howard Books, a Division of Simon & Shuster, Inc.
John Rosemond is a family psychologist who has both directed mental health programs and been in full-time private practice working with families and children. Since 1990. he has devoted his time to speaking and writing. John's weekly syndicated parenting column now appears in some 250 newspapers. Along the way, he's also managed to write eleven bestselling books on parenting and the family. As if that wasn't enough, he is one of the busiest and most popular speakers in his field, giving over 200 talks a year to parent and professional groups nationwide. He and his wife of 39 years, Willie, have two grown children and six well-behaved grandchildren. For more information visit www.rosemond.com and www.parentingbythebook.com.

How to See God More Clearly

2008-05-28T12:21:00.000+08:00

resource by Whitney Hopler
source CW

Editor's Note: The following is a report on the practical applications of Christopher L. Heuertz's new book, Simple Spirituality: Learning to See God in a Broken World, (IVP Books, 2008).

God wants it to be simple for us to recognize Him at work in the world. But too often, we complicate our faith, obscuring our view of God.

If you want to see God more clearly, you can gain a better perspective by developing these simple yet profound qualities in your life:

Humility: Getting rid of pride and arrogance in your life and inviting God to humble you will wake you up to the reality of God's work all around you. Take ownership of your inadequacies, weaknesses, and needs. Acknowledge how much you depend on God's unconditional love for you, and express your gratitude for it. Get to know people who have endured humiliation -- the poor, the sick, the disabled, etc. -- and learn from their vulnerability. Serve them, and let them help you see what intimacy with God looks like as He meets their needs through you. Stop trying to limit or control God's work; accept that God will be God on His terms, not yours. Allow yourself to be made uncomfortable by God's work in your life, so you can be transformed by it. Remember that humility is the door through which you must enter to be welcomed into God's presence. Rather than trying to keep God at a safe distance, tell God that you want to surrender to Him completely so that you can come to truly know Him. Don't waste your time or energy on trying to impress God. Instead, know that it's enough simply to be yourself before God, and that God sees your humility as a beautiful response to His invitation to intimacy. Remember Jesus' ultimate sacrifice on the cross often, and let His great gift of salvation humble you. Understand that you're worthy of God's love only because He has made you so -- not because of anything you've done -- and He will treasure you forever, no matter what.

Community: Independence can blind you to the reality that you need God and other people. Participating in a community helps you discover who you truly are -- both the best and the worst of you. It exposes your sin and gives you a place for confession, acceptance, and grace. Realize that you'll get out of community what you put into it. So fully participate in community with others. Keep in mind that the sense of community in God's kingdom is different from the messages the word presents about community. Reject the world's lies: "I am what I have," "I am what other people say about me," and "I am what I do." Instead, embrace the reality that you're valuable because God has ascribed great worth to you, regardless of what you have, what others say about you, and what you do. Let the truth of God's unconditional love validate you and free you to enter into healthy relationships with other people whom God loves. Instead of trying to avoid relationships because they can get messy, open your heart to the experiences God wants you to have in community with others. Ask God to help you recognize Him when you encounter people in great need, and to motivate and empower you to reach out to them as He intends. Give generously to others as God lead you to share your time, talents, and money. Rather than just giving from your leftovers, try to give the best of what you have. Instead of just giving handouts, try to empower poor people. As you give, be sure to build genuine relationships with the people you're seeking to help. Befriend the poor, and learn from them, allowing them to give you wisdom as you give them the resources they need. As you help others, you'll receive help yourself.

Simplicity: Living in excess tells you lies about what you want and need. But embracing a simple lifestyle helps you see past all that can clutter your life so you can discover God's grace. Ask God to show you the specific ways your current lifestyle has complicated the faith He intends to be simple. Eliminate everything in your life that's distracting you from focusing on what God considers most important. Build your priorities around those core values to experience the freedom God wants for you. Don't make simplicity an end in itself, or it will only lead to legalism. Instead, simplify your life so that you can better pursue what God wants you to pursue -- including giving generously to others. Don't hold back any of your resources (time, energy, money, talents, etc.) from God. Make everything available to use as God calls you to use it to join His work on earth. Loosen your grasp on your hopes and dreams, trusting God to lead you into a better future than you can imagine on your own.

Submission: Whatever control and power you think you have is just an illusion. Recognize that God is ultimately in control of everything, and He alone gives you the power to do whatever you need to do. Resist the urge to assert yourself as God by trying to control your life. Instead, trust God with every part of your life, remembering His great love and kindness. Know that God truly wants the best for you. Let your gratitude for God's love and your love for Him -- not just a sense of obligation -- motivate you to submit to His will for your life. Remember that God's kingdom is a treasure that requires you to submit your life to His control in order to fully experience that treasure. Don't make the mistake of viewing the resources God has given you as being just for yourself alone. That will perpetuate an unjust balance between you and other people. Instead, realize that God wants you to use your resources for His kingdom work. As you evaluate all God has given you, seek to be fully submitted to His will so you can respond in the very best ways to His calling for you.
Brokenness: Defiance and resistance to God leads to serious spiritual blindness. But when you allow yourself to be broken by the weight of your sin, you can see how much you truly need Jesus. Then, when you come to Him, Jesus will fill the broken pieces of your life with Himself. Recognize your ultimate need for God and leave everything else behind to have your needs met in God. Stop picking through the many kinds of trash that can poison your soul: consumerism, a sense of entitlement, bitterness, gossip, lying, sexual impurity, etc. Instead, recognize all of that as the garbage it is, and pray for the strength to eliminate it from your life so you'll be free to start living the abundant life God wants for you. As God breaks sinful and destructive things in you, He redeems and restores you. God uses your brokenness to transform you personally, bringing you the healing you need. Then, He calls you into action to serve others, empowering you to transform the broken parts of the fallen world with His love flowing through you. So brokenness, with God, leads to wholeness.

Adapted from Simple Spirituality: Learning to See God in a Broken World, copyright 2008 by Christopher L. Heuertz. Published by IVP Books, a division of InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove, Ill., www.ivpress.com. Christopher L. Heuertz is the international executive director of Word Made Flesh, an organization that exists to serve Jesus among the poorest of the world's poor. Teaching, writing, speaking and pastoring, Christopher's responsibilities have taken him to nearly 70 countries. He has also lived in Israel, India and Peru.

Pastors, Don't Use Mother's Day to Bash Dads

2008-05-28T12:18:00.000+08:00

Paul CoughlinCrosswalk

(includes facts on the complementary nature of mothers and fathers)

A learning season is upon us, and it's worth our time to heed its teaching.
This lesson is the difference between how we handle Mother's Day compared with Father's Day in church. If it's like in years past, it won't be pretty.

This Sunday we will extol the value and benefit of motherhood, which is great. But in some churches, this will be done by degrading Christian husbands, which is not great. "Our pastor makes us husbands get on our knees on Mother's Day and beg for forgiveness. I don't want to do it again this year," one reader tells me. Another writes, "Our minister makes husbands write on paper all the things we've done wrong. Then we're suppose to give it to our wives and pledge that we won't do them anymore."

Most preachers will not be this heavy-handed. They will wait till Father's Day (Sunday, June 18) to tell men how to be better fathers. Of course there's nothing wrong with this message when taken as an isolated event. But when compared with Mother's Day, we'll discover that for some reason many ministers believe that fathers need correction on Father's Day (and Mother's Day) but women don't. Why this double-standard?

Because much of the church sees men as a problem to be fixed when compared to women, not a gender to be appreciated. There's prejudice and bigotry against a man's nature in too many churches, Christian publishing, and on Christian radio (I was a program director of a Christian radio station--I was part of the problem too), all of which have been beating men up for decades.
For example, if there is a problem with their marriage, Christian men have been told by these sources that it is automatically their fault. Dr. James Dobson is one of a few authors brave enough to confront this false message.

He writes in Love Must Be Tough that men are saddled with the unrealistic expectation that "any sadness or depression that a woman might encounter is her husband's fault. At least he has the power to eradicate it if he cares enough. In other words, many American women come into marriage with unrealistically romantic expectations which are certain to be dashed. Not only does this orientation set up a bride for disappointment and agitation in the future, it also places enormous pressure on her husband to deliver the impossible...Marital conflict always involves an interaction between two imperfect human beings who share the responsibility to one degree or another." Sadly, Dobson's common sense is drowned out by other and more shrill voices.

I was told as an impressionable and young Christian man in church that I was "irresponsible, thoughtless, and selfish," when compared to women, who are innately more moral and spiritual. I don't know everything about the Bible. But I do know two profound truths: It says a lot about morality and spirituality. Nowhere does it state that women have a corner on both when compared to men. Instead, it tells us that both genders are uniquely and equally made in the image of God. It tells us that both are equally sinful and in need of redemption. There is no privileged gender in God's eyes.

Still, this rose-scented inequality will spread across our country this weekend, creating unintended consequences. Many will hear about the dark side of fatherhood in America, but few if any will hear about motherhood's dark side. How a child is more likely to be physically abused and killed by his mother, not his father. The statistics vary from 65% to more than 80%, which includes adjustments for single mothers. How wives over 40 and with children file for divorce more than husbands (around 66%), and their reason has little if anything to do with abuse or infidelity. How wives are more prone to begin a conversation more harshly than husbands. These aren't exactly family values. Listing these problematic facts of life will likely cause more shock than the facts themselves.

I could create an equally unflattering portrait of wayward fathering, which would include damning facts about fatherlessness and incarceration. But pointing out the ugly in each gender isn't the point of this article. The goal is to explode the myth of gender superiority, create a more biblically sound perspective, and implore today's ministers and lay people to treat each gender with respect and dignity during this important season by pointing out their unique value, which will foster genuine domestic harmony, among other blessings.

Here are some facts that can easily be worked into upcoming sermons about the importance and value of fatherhood. None is derogatory toward mothers but instead points out the complimentary nature of mothers and fathers.

1. Sociologist Brad Wilcox from the University of Virginia found that conservative evangelical fathers rank higher than other men in the United States in most every category. "Conservative evangelical fathers spend more time with their children, hug and praise them more, are less likely to yell at them, and commit the lowest levels of domestic violence than any other group in America," he writes in Soft Patriarchs, New Men: How Christianity Shapes Fathers and Husbands.

2. These fathers are "also the most active, emotionally engaged husbands and fathers in America" whose wives report the highest levels of "happiness, love and affection." These superior fathers and husbands are also more likely to "discipline their children, monitor their viewing habits, and know where they are at any given time." This is why Wilcox refers to them as "soft patriarchs." They "balance their traditional, authority-minded approach to parenting with a large measure of involvement and affection."

3. Fathers excel when it comes to discipline, play, and challenging their children to embrace life's challenges. They are more likely to partake in physical play with children, which is more important than many realize. Play "promotes social skills, intellectual development, and a sense of self-control." The playful side to fathers teaches their children how to regulate their feelings and behavior as they interact with others. Children who roughhouse with fathers usually learn quickly that biting, kicking and other forms of physical violence are not acceptable.

4. Fathers are more likely than mothers to encourage their children to take up difficult tasks, to seek out fresh experiences, and to endure pain and hardship without yielding. Explains Wilcox, "The bottom line is that fathers excel in teaching their children the virtues of fortitude, temperance, and prudence for life outside their family."

5. Writes sociologist David Popenoe: "While mothers provide an important flexibility and sympathy in their discipline, fathers provide ultimate predictability and consistency. Both dimensions are critical for an efficient, balanced, and humane child-rearing regime."

6. The publication Child Development found that children of parents who engaged in sex-typical behavior, where the mother was more responsive/nurturing and the father was more challenging/firm, were more competent overall than children whose parents did not engage in sex-typical behavior.

7. The amount of time fathers devote to child rearing increased 170 percent between 1965 and 1998.

8. The largest factor in predicting whether a child will graduate from high school, attend college, avoid crime or drugs, and get pregnant before 18 is the presence of a father in the child's life.

9. According to a recent report by the Department of Health and Human Services, "Fathers play a unique role in fostering the well-being of their children, not only through providership, protection and guidance, but also through the way that they nurture the next generation." But there is a huge catch. "A father's involvement with his children...is powerfully contingent on the mother's attitude" toward him. Research consistently shows that the father-child relationship depends more on the quality of the parents' relationship than does the mother-child relationship. See the problem? If men continue to be denigrated from the pulpit during Mother's Day or Father's Day, wives will be encouraged to have a low view of them. This low view may well drive a wedge between a father and his children, darkening their future.

10. This same report from the Department of Health and Human Services states: "Girls with active dads demonstrate higher levels of mathematical competence, and boys with more nurturing fathers display higher levels of verbal acumen. It is worth noting, of course, that girls tend to struggle more with math and boys tend to struggle more with language. Having an active, emotionally invested father appears to help children overcome the intellectual weaknesses typically associated with their sex."

11. Fathers are more likely to foster independent, exploratory behavior on the part of their children, compared to mothers.

12. Children raised by engaged fathers are more comfortable exploring the world around them.

13. A playful, challenging, and nurturing approach to fatherhood is associated with more self-control and pro-social behavior among children throughout the course of their lives.

14. One study of seventh graders found that boys who had close relationships with their fathers were more likely to control their feelings and impulses, to obey rules at school and home, and to make good moral judgment.

15. This same study found that boys with involved fathers had fewer school behavior problems and that girls had more self-esteem.

16. Boys and girls who are exposed to the nurture of a father, and who see a father being nurturing to their mother and other adults, are much less likely to associate masculinity with predatory sexual behavior and hyper-aggressiveness.

17. Fathers help their children, especially their daughters, develop the self-control and the sense of self-worth that protects them from premature sexual intercourse and teenage pregnancy.-------

If you have additional information about the importance of fatherhood, let us know so that we can create an even better resource list for ministers and others who want to change Mother's Day vs. Father's Day to Mother's Day And Father's Day. If your minister treats both mothers and fathers with the respect and dignity they deserve, we want to know so we can give them the kudos they deserve. Email us at paul@christianniceguy.com. We'll put it on our website, Christianniceguy.com

Paul Coughlin is the author of No More Christian Nice Guy, and the upcoming, No More Jellyfish, Chickens or Wimps: Raising Secure, Assertive Kids in a Tough World (June 2007). He is the co-author along with his wife Sandy of Married But Not Engaged. He's also a founding member of GodMen (www.godmen.com). To have Paul speak at your men's event, contact him at www.christianniceguy.com.

I Corinthians 13 for Moms

2008-05-28T12:17:00.000+08:00

author unknownsource: smilegodlovesyou

** 1 Corinthians 13 for Moms **
I can read bedtime stories till the cow jumps over the moon and sing "Ten Little Monkeys" until I want to call the doctor... but if I don't have love, I'm as annoying as a ringing phone.

I can chase a naked toddler through the house while cooking dinner and listening to voice mail. I can fix the best cookies and Kool-Aid in the neighborhood and I can tell a sick child's temperature with one touch of my finger... but if I don't have love, I am nothing.

Love is patient while watching and praying by the front window when it's 30 minutes past curfew.
Love is kind when my teen says, "I hate you!"

Love does not envy the neighbors' swimming pool or their brand-new mini van, but trusts the Lord to provide every need.

Love does not brag when other parents share their disappointments and insecurities, and love rejoices when other families succeed.

Love doesn't boast, even when I've multi-tasked all day long and my husband can't do more than one thing at a time.

Love is not rude when my spouse innocently asks, "What have you done today?"

Love does not immediately seek after glory when we see talent in our children, but encourages them to get training and make wise choices.

Love is not easily angered, even when my 15-year-old acts like the world revolves around her.
Love does not delight in evil (is not self-righteous) when I remind my 17-year-old that he's going 83 in a 55-mph zone, but rejoices in the truth.

Love does not give up hope.

Love always protects our children's self-esteem and spirit, even while doling out discipline.

Love always trusts God to protect our children when we cannot.

Love always perseveres, through blue nail polish, burps and other bodily functions, rolled eyes and crossed arms, messy rooms and sleepovers.

Love never fails.

But where there are memories of thousands of diaper changes and painful labor, they will fade away.

Where there is talking back, it will (eventually) cease.

Where there is a teenager who thinks she knows everything, there will one day be an adult who knows you did your best.For we know we fail our children, and we pray they don't end up in therapy, but when we get to heaven, our imperfect parenting will disappear.(Thank you, God!)

When we were children, we needed a parent to love and protect us. Now that we're parents ourselves, we have a heavenly Father who adores, shelters us and holds us when we need to cry.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these*is* love!!

FOR OUR MOTHERS

2008-05-28T12:15:00.000+08:00

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby
...that somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "normal", is history.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct
... that somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring
... that somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.

Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out good"
...that somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices
... that somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.

Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother
... that somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.

Somebody said you can't love the fifth child as much as you love the first
... that somebody doesn't have five children.

Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books
... that somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery
...that somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten... or on a plane headed for military "boot camp"

Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back
... that somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married
... that somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home
... that somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her
... that somebody isn't a mother.

Love You.... Mom
--Author Unknown

inspirational: A special date

2008-05-28T12:14:00.000+08:00

A SPECIAL DATE

After 21 years of marriage, I went out with another woman, but it was really my wife's idea."I know that you love her," my wife said one day, taking me by surprise."But I love YOU," I protested."I know, but you also love her."

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my mother.Mom had been a widow for 19 years and the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.So that night my wife suggested I call to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.
"What's wrong, aren't you well?" Mom asked when I phoned.My mother was always the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news."No, I'm fine. I just thought that it would be pleasant to pass some time with you," I responded."Just the two of us?" She thought about it for a moment, then said, "I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous.When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date.She waited in the door with her coat on.She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary.She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's."I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting".

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy.My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print.Halfway through the entrées, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips.

"It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said."Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded.During the dinner we had an agreeable conversation, nothing extraordinary - but catching up on recent events of each others life.In fact, we talked so much that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you".I agreed."How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home."Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her.Sometime later I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined.An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I was almost sure that I couldn't be there but, nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife.You will never know what that night out with you meant for me.I love you. Mom "

At that moment I understood the importance of saying, in time: "I LOVE YOU" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve.Nothing in life is more important than God and your family.Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time".--Author Unknown

A Life of Worship is Something We Do

2008-05-28T12:09:00.000+08:00

Cultivate a Life of Worship
Having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed. --Mark 1:35

"Worship is something we do. Studying the theology of worship and debating the forms of worship are all good, but by themselves they are inadequate. In the final analysis we learn to worship by worshiping."

Willingly offer yourself to the Lord as an instrument for worship. Learn to let go of your agenda, your concerns, your being blessed, and your hearing of the Word of God. The language of the gathered fellowship is not "I," but "we." Surrender to the ways of God; submit to others in the Christian fellowship; desire that God's life will rise up in the group, not just within you. Seek to become of one mind, of one accord. Cultivate a life of complete spiritual dependency—completely dependent upon God for anything significant to happen. The work is God's and not yours. Start this by praying before you do anything; invite the Lord's presence, blessing, and guidance. Then give Him all the credit for anything good that happens.

Guard yourself from exposure to harmful influences that will kill worship. Cultivating worship also involves dealing with all the weeds that grow and choke the growth of your crop, as well as the pests that try to steal the harvest. For example, some of us are in the high-risk category for skin cancer. So what should we do? We should stay away from exposure to those deadly UV rays. Since all of us are prone to soul cancer that eats away at our worship, we should avoid having a lot of exposure to TV rays because they distract, deaden, and deflate the welling up of our souls in worship to God! If you cannot fast from TV, newspapers, and magazines for even a week, then you are a very weak Christian, and at risk spiritually.

Part of learning to cultivate worship is learning how to drown out distractions through prayers of gratefulness to God. Rather than feeling that distractions somehow deter us from worshiping God, we should learn to simply receive whatever happens at home, in a gathered worship experience, or other places of private worship, as God tests our spirit. Grumbling and complaining cannot be successfully partnered with a spirit of adoration and worship!

The Fruits of Worship Let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to His name. --Hebrews 13:15
Did you know that there will be many times that you will not "feel" like worshiping? Perhaps you have had so many disappointing experiences in the past that you think it is hardly worth it because there is such a low sense of the power of God. Even so, you still need to offer the sacrifice of worship to God.

The sacrifice of worship gets offered to God himself. It is vital that you join other saints to amplify your worship. When we are gathered for genuine worship, we are like a heap of burning coals encouraging one another to warmth of love and devotion. One log by itself cannot burn for very long, but when many logs are put together, even if they are poor logs, they can make quite a fire. Remember the counsel of Proverbs 27:17 that iron sharpens iron. Even rather dull lives can help each other if they are willing to try.

Go to church...
even if you do not feel like it
even if worship has been discouraging and dry before
praying
expecting
looking for God to do a new and living work among you as His family.

The sacrifice of worship deepens repentance. Resentments cannot be held with the same tenacity when we enter His gracious light. As Jesus says, if we have broken fellowship with another person, we need to leave our gift at the altar and go set the matter straight. God is very explicit about this: "If you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift" (Matthew 5:23-24).

The sacrifice of worship bears the fruit of obedience. Just as worship begins in holy expectancy, it ends in holy obedience. If worship does not propel us into greater obedience, it has not been worship. To stand before the Holy One of eternity is to change: Rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh (Philippians 3:3).

How would you evaluate your worship? Are you sensing that God is preparing you to serve anywhere, anytime, anyhow, or anyway as He directs? Are you willing to submit to that will?

Worship Christ through Your Service
For we are the circumcision, who worship God in the Spirit, rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh. --Philippians 3:3

Even our very acts of ministry should be acts of worship that reveal His "worthship," or just how much Christ is worth to us! Only what is done out of adoration for Christ and love for others will last.

We can serve Christ in any place. John was isolated on Patmos, far from anyone but God. And yet he was serving God right where he was. Revelation 1:10a says, I was in the Spirit on the Lord's Day.

We can serve Christ at any time, in any condition. John was at least eighty years old and near death. He was suffering loneliness, pain, discouragement, deprivation, and abuse. He had not seen Jesus for sixty years and was deprived of his scrolls, church, freedom, and health but he was not defeated. He was still serving Christ.

We can serve Christ in any way. We can still serve God regardless of how hard the times might be. There are no limits to what God can do through us, no matter what age we happen to be. There is no mandatory retirement from serving the Lord.

Make a choice to live in hope. You can decide today to emulate John's attitude by asking God to give you this spirit:

"It does not matter where I am: I am going to serve Christ in any place. It does not matter how old I am: I am going to serve Christ at any time of life, even at the very end. It does not matter what my circumstances are: I am going to serve Christ in any way I can, no matter what they take out of my life. It does not matter how I am, even if I am suffering: I am going to serve Christ anyhow. This is my way to worship the glorious ever-present Christ—to show Him just how much He's worth to me!"

Ask God to use you anywhere you go, any time He wants to—and He will. Like Isaiah, tell Him: "Here I am, Lord! Send me!"
For more from Discover the Book Ministries, please visit discoverthebook.org

Conquering Lust

2008-05-28T12:08:00.000+08:00

by Gary Smalley
source; CrossWalk
Lust makes us think that having some person we don't presently have would make us happier. Often that person is simply a figment of our imagination. Even if the person is real, we often attach character traits to him or her that are not real. Usually our lust focuses on sexual involvement. We imagine someone who is terribly fond of us and who prefers our presence and intimacy over anyone else's. We imagine that if we had such a person to hold in our arms, it would be exciting and wonderfully fulfilling. This is a terrible deception, for we forget or ignore the devastating consequences of living out our imaginations.

imaginations reveal our selfish desire for stimulation. Unchecked, sensual stimulation actually increases the desire. We see this exhibited in several ways. For example, one of the primary reasons people smoke or consume alcohol or drugs is to stimulate their physical senses. As a person continues in this selfish frame of mind, the desire grows until he or she needs regular and increasing doses of stimulation.

Psychiatrist Gerald May observes that God created us to attach to him. All humans have a God-given, built-in need to attach to God in a meaningful way. When we ignore God, we instead try to attach to his creation--people, things, and career. This is where all types of addictions are formed.

Even if we feel we've conquered lust, the emotion can strike when we least expect it. One friend discovered this when he spoke at a Christian conference. Dick's wife was in the final months of pregnancy, so they were not as sexually active as usual. While several hundred miles away from home, Dick suddenly found himself infatuated with a woman attending the conference. She was attractive and seemed to enjoy his company. But while admitting his normal sexual drive was heating up, he also knew that yielding to that desire would bring at best only a very temporary satisfaction. He came face-to-face with his own selfish desire to be stimulated and realized that the devastating long-term consequences to his ministry, to his wife and kids, and to his relationship with God would far outweigh any momentary pleasure. That knowledge helped him control his physical drive, which took about forty-eight hours to subside.

The motivation behind extramarital affairs seems to be very different for men and women. Men tend to lust for physical release or conquest, viewing women as challenges for satisfying their sexual drives. Women, on the other hand, tend to involve themselves in affairs because of their deep need for communication and a meaningful relationship--a deep need that is not being met.

Recently we've seen a huge increase in affairs on the Internet. These affairs don't need to be consummated to cause a serious threat to a marriage. Many women find themselves more comfortable talking with a stranger in a chat room than to their own husbands. Many men enjoy the power they seem to have counseling a woman by means of an impersonal computer rather than face-to-face. In too many cases, men and women let their imaginations go wild in these relationships.

How can we use lust to strengthen our relationship with God?
First, by recognizing the basic motive behind this emotion. Lust is not serving a person in love; it is viewing a person as an object to be used. This happens even within the marriage relationship. With Norma, I had to realize that I was violating God's law by trying to use her for my own happiness rather than loving her by serving her needs.

Second, lust can reconfirm our awareness that God -- not another's body, not even our mate's -- is the source of our fulfillment. As pleasurable as sex can be, it can never substitute for the lasting joy and satisfaction of knowing God.

Third, in the midst of lustful thoughts, as an act of our will, we can pray something like this: Lord, I know there are times when I wish my mate acted sexier. And there are even times I have entertained thoughts about being in the arms of another person. All the advertisements on TV have tried to convince me it would be exciting. But right here and now I continue to trust you to energize my life and provide all I need. I am willing to rest and wait in your faithfulness. I don't even know all I'm trying to gain from these lustful thoughts, but you know, and I know you'll meet my needs as you always have.

Because God knows our thoughts, we can share them with him and admit that we don't understand. That's what Paul instructs us to do in Romans: Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but ... he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will (Romans 8:26-27).

practical help can we offer those stuck in the quicksand of lustful desire?
Some try to struggle out of the grip it has on their lives through visualization, masturbation, or regular participation in sexual activity. But the more we struggle, the deeper we sink. If no one is available to pull us out, the one way to escape from quicksand is to relax, lie back in the sand, take a deep breath, fill your lungs with air, and allow your limbs to float to the top. We can take similar action with lust by not fighting our thoughts and desires and instead ask Jesus to perform what he promises to do release us from bondage. He can supernaturally pull us out as we rest in him.

If no one is available to pull you out of quicksand, you can still escape by slowly moving your arms above your head, putting them slightly into the sand, and swimming slowly to the edge, as if doing a slow-motion backstroke. Experts say it may take several hours to swim just a few feet. But freedom is as close as the bank. When battling lust, we can do the same thing by persistently looking to Jesus for strength and patience.

I have known men stuck in the mire of lust who didn't make it to freedom for several months. It may take a year or more for some to swim to freedom. Day after day we must reconfirm truths given to us by Jesus. God promises he is faithful to answer the requests of his children. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours (Mark 11:24). And, If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you (John 15:7). Real freedom comes from abiding in a close relationship with God and from allowing God's Word to become alive in us. The Bible urges us to live a life of love .... But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality (Ephesians 5:2-3). And, It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1). It is God's will that we experience freedom from lust, so we can stand in his line daily, knowing it is just a matter of time before he will bring us freedom from sexual slavery.

Once we're free from the quicksand, we're usually weak from the effort. Here are four ways to regain strength and remain strong so we don't fall back into the mire:

First, rehearse the negative consequences of sexual involvement, even in the midst of lustful thoughts. Remember what it feels like to be trapped. The consequences are far more than we can mention here, but they include enslavement to passion (see Galatians 5:1); reinforcement of our self-centered tendency that diminishes genuine expression of love; callousness of our soul (see Ephesians 4:19); and, of course, the possibility of catching a sexual disease. In other words, the truth and life of God are darkened within us when we engage in unrighteousness (see Romans 1:18-32).

Second, memorize sections of Scripture that deal specifically with sexual freedom. After memorizing them, persistently ask God to make your life consistent with these verses. Start with Galatians 5:1-14, Ephesians 5:1-6, and 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7.

Remember, when we read God's Word, we don't read it for what we can do by our own efforts. Don't think, I need to start living more by this or that law. Rather, read God's Word and see his commandments as what you'll look like as you continue to abide in Christ. If you love me, you will obey what I command, the Lord says (John 14:15). Keep your focus on loving, knowing, and abiding in him and watch him enrich and strengthen your life.

Third, for men especially, beware of the anger/lust cycle that often develops. Many men experience their most severe times of lust after a struggle or problem at home or at work. If we fail to make things right after a disagreement or confrontation, we may be setting ourselves up for temptation, because such encounters leave us feeling depressed and inadequate. Because none of us likes to feel bad about ourselves, we look for something to perk us up, to make us feel powerful and important again.

Sexual stimulation can have a temporary euphoric effect. Like alcohol or drugs, it can bring about a heightened sense of self-worth until the shame and reality of our actions bring us crashing down. Some men who never take a drink or try drugs submit to a life of erotic escapades that is every bit as addictive and deadly. Sin always takes you further down the path of destruction than you want to go.

Writing in the book of Proverbs, Solomon has sobering words for those who use any form of lust actual sexual encounters, fantasy, or pornographic pictures to make up for feelings of anger or low self-worth: For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword (Proverbs 5:3-4).

Giving in to lust does not break the anger/lust cycle; it only intensifies it. Now we are not only angry and depressed about our problem at work or at home, but we are also angry about our lack of self-control. And on top of our shame, those of us who are Christians also have the Holy Spirit convicting us of sin.

repentance is a biblical solution, but getting furious with ourselves and vowing it will never happen again do little good. In fact, when we browbeat ourselves (a way of punishing ourselves so that God won't, or so that he will let us off the hook), we actually dig a deeper rut for ourselves and set ourselves up for our next lust fix.

Unless we truthfully deal with the anger/lust cycle and admit it is signaling that a relationship needs repair or that we need the help of a Christian friend or counselor, we may continue in the downward spiral for years. This vicious circle of sin can cause even Christians to spin so fast that right seems wrong and wrong seems right. But returning to Christ's healing is always the answer.

Finally, realize that for most people the gaining of freedom from lust is a long-term process, especially for those who have developed a habit of immoral thoughts and actions.
You might consider starting or joining a support group for those who struggle in this area. This can be a men-only or women-only group who testify as to how God has produced freedom and who encourage and support one another in memorizing and meditating on Scripture. These folks also hold each other accountable, pray with each other, and talk honestly about their entrapment. Much healing can come just by confessing our weakness and praying for each other: "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective" (James 5:16).

Al meets regularly with several other men in a discipleship group. Once he returned from a business trip and reported that his hotel room had a cable movie station. He watched a PG-rated movie, then started to watch a sexually explicit film but caught himself and turned it off. However, he expressed concern about handling temptation on an upcoming ten-day trip. One of the members asked Al to develop a plan for using any of the time that was not being spent in meetings, which he did.

On his return Al had to give a report. Near the end of the trip he had found himself seated next to a single woman at an athletic event. The thought entered his mind, You could take her out for dinner and no one would ever know. Rather than allow time to entertain the thought any further, he left the game early. Knowing he was accountable to men back home helped him resist temptation because he knew they would ask him how he did. Accountability is good, but remember that it doesn't replace the most important solution God's grace doing its work in us.

I have focused on the sexual aspects of lust because it is so out-of-control in our society. But other forms of lust such as craving sweets, overeating, and stimulating the senses through drugs and alcohol can be just as damaging. The thoughts I've shared can apply in any area of sensual temptation that robs us of life.

error messages appear most frequently in your life? Jealousy, envy, or lust? Take the time necessary to deal with those emotions.

from the book Joy that Lasts.
© Copyright 2003 Smalley Relationship Center

Jesus Never Promised We Would Be "Comfy"

2008-05-28T12:07:00.000+08:00

David Burchett
source: CW
Last winter I was killing time at Baton Rouge Airport before heading home. The airport is designed with a large central glass dome and some trees in the middle of the atrium. The early morning rush was over and the airport was surprisingly quiet. I heard something that caught my attention.
Chirping.
Not some bozo on a cell phone. Actual bird chirping. I looked up and saw what looked like a couple of sparrows flitting about near the top of the atrium. Somehow these wild birds had found their way inside the airport terminal. I watched them for awhile and I thought about how cold it was outside that day. I reflected on how "lucky" those birds were to be in a climate controlled atrium and not have to brave the elements. They could pick amongst the left over food of the travelers. Airport food might be wretched for humans but it was a feast for foragers. What a life!

And then it hit me. That is what I tend to seek in my Christian life. Peferring comfort over challenge. Safety over risk. I looked at that bird in his artificial and safe environment and I incorrectly surmised that was a good life for those birds. Perhaps it was but that was not what birds were created to be. Those sparrows were created to fly freely. They were designed to soar without hitting the glass ceiling of safety.

God did not not create me to live in a climate controlled atrium of safety. Living that kind of Christian life is so easy in America. There is a safe path of least resistance to be a Christian in this country. No resistance just might mean you aren't doing anything that threatens Satan. In basketball you don't guard the players that aren't doing anything. They pose no threat to your goal of winning the game. Sometimes I suspect I am unguarded by Satan's defense for a reason. I choose the bench instead of the arena.
Comfy Christianity is epidemic in America. We encounter a store that won't say Merry Christmas and we think we are persecuted. God help us.

We send checks instead of serving. But according to most giving research we don't even do that very well.

God has called me (and you) to give and to serve. In the Civil War the wealthy paid poor men to go "serve" for them. I remember having such disdain when I read that bit of history. But don't I do the same thing in my Christian journey? I feel really good if I pay a missionary to go reach the world with the message of Jesus. I feel like I am godly if I give to the church so the "professionals" can do ministry. But God is asking me to do both. Give and serve. Maybe not to be a missionary but certainly to reach out to my neighbor and my community. I was not created to live in a safe dome of climate controlled Christianity. Jesus is not safe. Following Him will take you out of the comfort zone and into the messy world of ministry. How did the early church explode against all odds? The Church History Institute makes these points in an article on the early church history.

After the Apostle Paul, we do not run across many "big names" as missionaries in the first few hundred years of Christian history. Instead the faith spread through a multitude of humble, ordinary believers whose names have been long forgotten. Early Christianity was primarily an urban faith, establishing itself in the city centers of the Roman Empire. Most of the people lived close together in crowded tenements. There were few secrets in such a setting. The faith spread as neighbors saw the lives of the believers close-up, on a daily basis.

It is too often a tragic occurance that careful observation of modern Christians on a close-up, daily basis is a reason to turn away from faith, not toward it. The article goes on...

And what kind of lives did they lead? Justin Martyr, a noted early Christian theologian, wrote to Emperor Antoninus Pius and described the believers: "We formerly rejoiced in uncleanness of life, but now love only chastity; before we used the magic arts, but now dedicate ourselves to the true and unbegotten God; before we loved money and possessions more than anything, but now we share what we have and to everyone who is in need; before we hated one another and killed one another and would not eat with those of another race, but now since the manifestation of Christ, we have come to a common life and pray for our enemies and try to win over those who hate us without just cause."
In another place Justin points out how those opposed to Christianity were sometimes won over as they saw the consistency in the lives of believers, noting their extraordinary forbearance when cheated and their honesty in business dealings.
Perhaps the main reason the early church exploded is contained in the lyric of a simple song we used to sing while we were on staff with Campus Crusade.

They will know we are Christians by our love, by our love. They will know we are Christians by our love.

Will they? Those exposed to the early church knew the people called Christians were different. Very different. The article continues.

Christians became known as those who cared for the sick. Many were known for the healings that resulted from their prayers. Christians also started the first "Meals on Wheels." By the year 250, they were feeding more than 1500 of the hungry and destitute in Rome every day.

When Emperor Julian ("the Apostate") wanted to revive pagan religion in the mid-300s, he gave a most helpful insight into how the church spread. This opponent of the faith said that Christianity "has been specially advanced through the loving service rendered to strangers and through their care of the burial of the dead. It is a scandal that there is not a single Jew who is a beggar and that the [Christians] care not only for their own poor but for ours as well; while those who belong to us look in vain for the help we should render them."

Oh that we could adopt a "scandalous" faith that would not overlook a beggar or turn away from those who need care. Those who labor in love serving the AID's victims in Africa are following that tradition. Is it a surprise that Christianity is growing so rapidly in Africa? God bless you. The brave followers of Jesus who carry the gospel to countries where persecution is real are following the example of the early church. God protect you.

For the rest of us the questions are uncomfortable. Are we willing to leave the climate controlled Christianity that is so comfy and fly outside where it is risky and dangerous? That is what we were created to be as followers of Jesus. Do we dare trust Him enough to take the chance?

Dave Burchett is an Emmy Award winning television sports director, author, and Christian speaker. He is the author of When Bad Christians Happen to Good People and Bring'em Back Alive: A Healing Plan for those Wounded by the Church. You can reply by linking through daveburchett.com.

When Dreams Come True

2008-05-28T12:04:00.000+08:00

Paula Moldenhauer
source: Crosswalk

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy. ~ Proverbs 13:12 (NLT)

"I'm soooooooo excited!"
I grinned a big, ole happy fill-your-face-up smile as I read my friend's words.

After years of working hard to learn the craft of writing, receiving rejections on her books, and being tempted to let go of the dream, it finally happened. She had her first book contract.
]I've experienced this before. The first time was with my friend, Pam. She and I had critiqued each other's projects for a couple of years. I'd watched her grow as a writer, pray her heart out, surrender to God's plans, and secure an agent.

Then it happened. My heart soared with hers and our joy bouncing back in forth in our emails. Every time I saw her book at the Christian bookstore or in Wal-mart my heart leapt again.
Seeing my friends' dreams come true brought us all joy and helped me hang onto my own dreams of that first book sale.

The New Living Translation of the Bible says, in Proverbs 113:12, "when dreams come true there is life and joy." The New International Reader's Version says it this way. "A longing that is met is like a tree of life."

It isn't only writers who dream. If you're a mother, you and I may share a similar "tree of life" experience, the birth of that first child. Even after 17 hours of hard labor, little sleep, and an aching, postpartum body, I was ALIVE—excited, strong, and full of joy. I couldn't wait to show off my little girl and couldn't sleep for looking at her. I clutched her to my heart singing to her. I held her when she slept, when she was awake, and when she nursed.

Perhaps the joy was more pronounced because of the months the dream was deferred. I'll never forget the fear, disappointment, and even anger I felt each time I realized I wasn't pregnant during the season we tried to have a baby. The Message says our verse this way. "Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick, but a sudden good break can turn life around."

My husband and I have lived both ends of this verse in the recent startup of his own business. Perhaps you've been through something like this. We sacrificed to buy territories, build them up, and market our product. Before the cash flow started we were beginning to feel heartsick—but, after a few good breaks, when our product began to sell, we rejoiced. Later, problems with the parent company slowed down production and cost us sales and we felt that old heartsick feeling return.

Life is full of both the devastation of "unrelenting disappointment" and the wild joy of dreams coming true. We need to be patient with ourselves in the hard stuff. It's natural to shed tears and cry out to God for mercy. Sometimes we find deep blessing in the disappointments, as we allow them to help us press closer into the arms of our Father, but it's never fun.

Thank God, weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning!** Sometimes the bud of hope we hold onto blossoms into flowers of fulfillment. Other times God gives us different dreams.

In the hard times, it's good to remember there are also seasons of celebration.
Father, comfort me and give me patience and hope in seasons of disappointment. And when the dreams are fulfilled, may I rejoice in You.**(Paraphrase of Psalm 30:5)

A home schooling mother of four, Paula Moldenhauer is passionate about God's grace and intimacy with Jesus. Her website offers home schooling hints, book reviews, and a free weekly devotional, Soul Scents. Subscribe to Soul Scents at www.soulscents.us. You can contact Paula at Paula@soulscents.us.

The Destructive Cycle of Negative Thinking

2008-05-28T11:58:00.000+08:00

The Smalley Relationship Center
source: Crosswalk

"Negative Thinking" (also called false or irrational beliefs, unrealistic expectations, self-defeating attitudes, unjustified negative explanations, or illogical conclusions) is powerful because how a partner perceives and interprets what the other does can be far more important in determining marital satisfaction than those actions themselves.

Negative thinking occurs when a spouse consistently believes that the motives of the other are more negative than is really the case. In other words, a husband or wife interprets the behavior of his or her spouse to be much more negative than the spouse intended. Basically, it's the belief that your partner is trying to ruin or weaken the marriage on purpose. For example:

"You're always including your family. They've been between us our whole married life!""You don't see it do you? You're too negative and it's driving me away!""You say you're sorry, but you keep doing the same mean things over and over. You'll never change!"

Why Negative Thinking is so Destructive in a Relationship
Positive Bias. During courtship and early married life, almost everything the fiancé says or does is interpreted in a positive light. He or she can do no wrong. Even unpleasant behavior can be turned around and made positive. This produces a "perfect" image of the loved one that emphasizes the appealing features and conceals the undesirable one. In a sense, this perspective becomes "closed," so that almost no unpleasant elements can enter the picture.

Negative Bias. But if the marriage runs into trouble, the repeated disappointments, arguments, and frustrations lead to a change in perspective. For example, a wife may shift from a positive to a negative bias. Her attitude changes from one of admiration to faultfinding. Then, much of what he does is interpreted in a negative light. He can do no right. The bottom line is that when the relationship runs into persistent problems, we have a tendency to switch "lenses" and see our partner differently — negatively.

The Problem with Having a Negative Bias
1. Confirmation Bias. The major problem with negative thinking is that human beings tend to see and hear what they believe about another even if it isn't true. In other words, what you believe about another person (positive or negative), you will find evidence of that belief in everything he or she says or does.

2. Self-fulfilling Prophecy. The case whereby individuals (a) have an expectation about what their partner is like, which (b) influences how they act toward their partner, which (c) causes that partner to behave in a way consistent with the individual's original expectations. People tend to live up or down to our beliefs about them.

3. Learned Hopelessness. When negative thinking consistently invades the relationship, it produces an environment of hopelessness and demoralization. The negatively framed partner is robbed of motivation and action.

How To Fight Negative Thinking
We are not advocating some kind of unrealistic "Pollyanna" mentality. We cannot sit around wishing or hoping that our partner will change truly negative behaviors. However, we need to consider that our partner's motives are more positive than we are willing to acknowledge.

Step 1: "Could I Be Wrong?" We must ask ourselves if we might overly negative in our interpretation of our mate's actions. Or we might have misunderstandings stemming from differences in their perspectives — and is not the result of some negative trait.

Step 2: Check Out the Accuracy of Your Negative Thinking. Consider alternative explanations for what your mate does. Look for supporting evidence, contradictory evidence, alternative explanations, and more logical conclusions. We must push ourselves to look for evidence that is contrary to the negative interpretation we usually take. We can accomplish this by either asking directly or by making further observations of our partner's actions.

Step 3: Substitute More Reasonable Responses for the Negative Thought

Step 4: Keeping Track of Positive Behavior. It's important for couples to be aware of what their partner's do and to respond accordingly. A partner may already be doing some of these things, but you may not be totally aware of them. For a start, try to notice methodically what your mate already does that pleases you. In order to note pleasing actions, spouses begin to really look at each other. This will force you to break through the barriers that obstruct your vision of your partner's good deeds.

© Copyright 2003 Smalley Relationship Center

Ministry: Code of Honor

2008-05-28T11:56:00.000+08:00

By Rebekah Montgomery

It was a mistake. I knew it then and I admit it now.

I was in Atlanta attending a conference where I didn't know hardly anyone. Lonely, I decided to telephone an old friend living there. He came down to my hotel, picked me up, and you can guess what happened next: He fed me barbecue. We talked over old times. Laughed a lot. Then he dropped me back at my hotel about 9:30. No romance. No attraction. Not even a peck on the cheek.

But it was wrong, not because I am a married woman - my husband knew and approved the dinner - but because I am Bible teacher. The Scriptures are clear: God Himself holds those who teach the Word to higher standard. By the way, so do the world and our students. (James 3:1) For this reason as well as others, I take the privilege of teaching the Word very seriously.

As women who minister, our mistakes can be more dangerous than physician malpractice. If a doctor blunders, the patient may die. If we goof up, someone could go to hell to die forever - and take her family with her. As Jesus commented, we would be better off dead than cause someone to sin. (Matthew 18:6)

So I have adopted a Code of Honor for my ministry and I want to share the condensed version with you. It is not meant to restrict as much as protect the Lord's reputation, my reputation, and those who are new believers or seekers from being offended. It is a dynamic document. As I learn, either by instruction or from a mistake, I amend it. But I share it with you now, and perhaps it will serve as a pattern for a Code of Honor for your ministry, too.

A Women's Ministry Code of Honor
When I quote Scripture in a teaching, I will look it up in context to be certain that I am not twisting it to make my point. I will try to memorize the passage so I quote it correctly.
I will make sure that any teaching showcases Jesus and His truth, not me or my pet subject.
When I speak, I will not tell anecdotes about my children or husband without their permission.
When I am a guest at a church, I will not publicly dispute doctrinal issues with which I disagree. I will conform to their social and religious customs provided they do not disagree with my basic faith tenets.
I will dress modestly in public at all times.

When I am teaching the Word, I will dress in such as way as to not call undue attention to myself or be distracting.

I will not be alone or meet privately with a member of the opposite sex who is not a close family member. If I do have a meeting, it will be in a public place or with someone else present.

I will not pray with or privately counsel a member of the opposite sex who is not a close relative.

I will not flirt in any way with a member of the opposite sex. (Except my hubby, and then watch the sparks!)

I absolutely will not discuss anything of a private sexual nature with a member of the opposite sex. I will not laugh at suggestive stories or jokes.

I will love and treat others as I wish to be treated, considering everyone as beloved by God regardless of their sexual orientation, social status, race, religion, criminal record, addiction, or lifestyle.

I am a servant, not a master. I wash feet, not stand on a pedestal.

I will not take money to pray for or with someone. Since I am not a trained counselor, I will not take money to counsel someone.

What someone tells me in confidence remains private unless he/she has committed a crime that by law I have to report.

I will not pretend to be perfect. But neither will I strip down to my emotional underwear for the purpose of attention.

I will be transparent and accountable. When I'm wrong or hurt, I'll admit it. If I make a public mistake, I'll admit it publicly.

I will be quick to apologize. I will seek restoration.

I will be scrupulously honest in any area that deals with money. I will take a loss rather than allow any suspicion of financial mishandling.

I will avoid personal habits (use of alcohol, smoking, gambling, etc.) that might cause others to sin.

I do not publicly discuss my own political views, but if someone asks privately, I will share my opinion.

Whether I am in public or private, I will be aware that I am a representative of Christ, and because He has entrusted me to teach His Word, my actions have greater repercussions.
© Rebekah Montgomery 2008

10 Lenten Traditions to Enrich Your Family's Easter Celebration

2008-04-10T09:24:00.000+08:00

Lent begins February 6!

I'll never forget our family's first Christian Easter. With the children snuggled down for the night, my husband Tripp and I dutifully filled five waiting baskets as we had done all the years before. But something seemed to be missing, which was strange because something had really been added - our understanding of the true meaning of Easter - Jesus' Death and Resurrection.

"Did we forget anything?" I asked as we arranged the last colored eggs.
"I've got the same feeling," Tripp said. "I think it's just because we've changed. The most important part of Easter now will be church tomorrow morning."

Looking back some 20 years later, I understand the unsettled feeling we were sharing. Two children who had celebrated Easter with baskets and bunnies had grown up with little else to pass on to their own children. Yet since we wanted our new relationship with Christ to be part of our family's daily life - not just Sunday only - Tripp and I were always interested in ways to bring the message of Jesus' resurrection home.

We needed traditions. Traditions - especially those children can see, hear, feel, smell and taste - provide vivid impressions on which parents can build year after year. There are many which will enrich your own family's celebration of what might be more accurately called Resurrection Day. Choose a few from this collection, share their meaning in whatever words your children will understand, and keep the ones you like as part of your family's Easter heritage.

Lent
Lent is a forty day period before Easter set aside as a season of soul-searching and repentance. The forty days reflect Jesus' withdrawal into the wilderness for his own time of spiritual reflection. Sundays, because they commemorate the Resurrection, are not counted. In the early church Lent was a special time when new converts were instructed in the faith and prepared for baptism on Easter.

Churches which follow a liturgical calendar - annually reliving the major events in Jesus' life - place great emphasis on Lent. Whether your own church makes much or little of these forty days, your family will benefit from preparing in advance to celebrate Jesus' Resurrection. Children will cherish Easter more with anticipation sweetening the weeks before.

1. New Life: As Lent begins, help your children plant crocus, daffodil, or hyacinth bulbs in a bowl of sand, covering halfway. Leave in a dark closet for two months, keeping soil moist (a process known as forcing bulbs). When shoots appear, let them bask in the sun. Don't forget to leave one bulb unplanted as a reminder of how they began.

2. Devotions: Lent can be a time of family focus on the meaning of the Christian life. You may want to commit to a regular pattern of family worship - daily, weekly, or whenever you can. Or you may post Bible verses, especially the words of Jesus, on the refrigerator, bathroom mirrors, wherever a busy family is sure to see them. Talk about them at dinner or on the way to school - especially how verses apply to events in our daily lives.

3. Giving up: Traditionally, especially in Europe, during Lent there were no weddings, no dancing, no singing. No flowers or alleluias in churches. Some families may find spiritual value in giving up something for Lent - television, sweets, video games - not as a penance, but as an outer symbol of dying to self during a season of spiritual reflection.

4. Mite box: Select a charity that helps those in need. Help your children decorate a box with a slot on top. Display where everyone at home will remember to contribute their change. On Easter, empty box, count together, and put a check in the mail. This custom can be directly related to the preceding one: giving up to give.

5. Pretzels: Bake your own pretzels (check your own cookbooks, library or Internet for recipe - or buy the frozen ones). Pretzels originated as early Christian Lenten treats, designed in the form of arms crossed in prayer.

6. Easter Seals: Support or volunteer for this organization, founded in 1934 as a means to raise funds to help children with disabilities. In the original words, "Easter means Resurrection and New Life, and the rehabilitation of crippled children means new life and activity . . . physically, mentally, spiritually."

7. Jonah: In Matthew 12:39-41, Jesus, points to the story of Jonah as a sign of his own destiny. So this is a great time to review it with your children, discussing the issues of sin, obedience, and God's mercy.

8. Easter in Cyberspace: Check out www.njwebworks.com/easter/ for many, many Christian Easter links, including history, poetry, drama, and daily meditations.

9. Giving: While we usually think of Christmas for gift-giving, Easter has a richer heritage. God gave His Son. Jesus gave His life. Find ways to give unconditionally: money to the homeless person on the corner, treats for those in nursing homes, old clothes to children in another country. Jesus told us clearly, "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." (Matthew 25:40)

10. Handel's Messiah: Invest in a CD or tape and bathe your family in this beautiful classic, clearly composed under divine inspiration - each segment a Bible verse prophesying the birth, life, death, and finally the resurrection of Jesus. (The Hallelujah Chorus was a celebration for Easter morning following the Lenten absence of alleluias.)

Look for more ideas from Barbara as we approach Holy Week and Easter.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Barbara Curtis has 12 children - including three adopted sons with Down syndrome - and 10 grandchildren so far. She is also an award-winning author with nine books and 800+ articles in print publications including Focus on the Family, Guideposts, Christian Parenting Today, and The Washington Times.

Barbara is a popular speaker at MOPS and women's events, as well as writers' conferences. Online you can find her at MommyLife and Mommy, Teach Me!.

Marital Mistake: Igniting Fires with an Untamed Tongue

2008-04-10T09:17:00.000+08:00

Dr. David B. Hawkins
source: Crosswalk

Fire is one of those elements that can either be our friend, keeping us warm and dry, or our foe, creating incomparable damage. Likewise, the tongue can either encourage or destroy. As the Apostle James said, "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness." (James 3: 9) James goes on to say the tongue is like a spark that can set a mighty forest ablaze.

Fire creates searing heat. Perhaps more destructively, however, is the fact that fire consumes the oxygen needed to survive. Fire robs us of life just as the tongue can set a mortal blaze in our marriages, stealing vitality from our life.

For any fire to continue it needs fuel. Thankfully, fire cannot burn on its own. I received a vivid lesson about fire and fuel one warm summer day when I was about ten years old. I was lying in the tall grass behind my house with a couple of buddies. With stalks of dried grass hanging out of our mouths we were telling stories and enjoying ourselves. Life couldn't have been sweeter.
To ten-year olds, those stalks of grass were temptingly similar to a forbidden cigarette and one of us wondered what it would be like to "smoke" a few of those blades of grass. It all seemed innocent enough. We gathered our "cigarettes" and proceeded to light up. Suddenly, without warning, a spark caught in a bundle of dried grass, and then another, until we were faced with an inferno beyond our control. Realizing the potential danger of the fire, we ran for the help of my dad. Three screaming boys immediately caught his attention. We formed a "bucket brigade" and were able to douse the fire and get on to the next important issue—explaining all of this to my very angry father.

An innocent outing, an impulsive act, a furious outburst of potential danger. We contained the problem quickly and limited the damage.

Like that field, a marriage can become tinder dry at times, ready for a spark to ignite things. A season of dryness, or ongoing conflict, can set the stage for an angry outburst of deadly proportions.

"But, I just can't help it," twenty-seven year old Karen said recently. "I just get so mad that I say what's on the top of my mind. I know I can be extremely hurtful. We have called each other the most horrible names, and are embarrassed about it. We both have biting tongues, and know it."

Karen and Doug, clients of mine, were newly married and already having problems. I watched as Doug nodded his head to Karen's rendition of the problem. I asked them to explain more about their problem.

"My husband and I can't seem to agree on anything. I mention to him that I want more help around the house, and somehow we end up in World War III. I hate it."
"It's true," Doug said soberly. "We don't know how it happens, but when we fight, which is not all the time, it gets bad. We say things we would never say at other times, and we've nearly called it quits because of it."

"Well," I said slowly. "I have a saying—'If it's predictable, it's preventable."
"It certainly is predictable," Karen said wryly. "The preventable part is questionable."
I could clearly see the pain Karen and Doug were in. They had hurt each other deeply with, impetuous, ill-spoken words.

"It takes a lot of self-control to slow things down enough to see what you two are doing so you can change the pattern."
"Doug is just as tired of my biting tongue as I am," Karen said.
"I can get pretty sarcastic and angry, too," Doug replied, "and we're both tired of our bickering."
"Good," I said. "Being tired of how things are going is a great place for God to work in our lives. We have to get to the point where we are at our wits end—then God can step in."

We spent the rest of our session exploring the roots of their anger and biting tongues. We discussed how their anger and sharp words had caused tremendous pain in their marriage, to the point where they had nearly separated several times. It had scared both of them, and they wanted to learn new tools.

One of the tools I shared was "speaking from your most vulnerable self." This requires slowing down the process and exploring what other feelings could be shared rather than anger—which so often is hurtful. We discussed how anger is a secondary emotion, and how we need to look beneath the surface and learn to share other more vulnerable emotions that lay below the surface.

We discussed common underlying feelings known as GIFT:
• Guilt: anger often covers feelings of unexpressed guilt.
• Inferiority: anger often covers feelings of insecurity or inferiority.
• Fear: this is often an emotion that is difficult to express, but can be powerful when expressed appropriately.
• Trauma: conflicts often reawaken previous trauma in your life, creating hypersensitivity to an issue.

Karen and Doug seemed relieved to hear that their problems were normal and could be remedied. They agreed to slow things down when they became defensive, to guard their tongues and to look deeply to see if there were other, more vulnerable emotions needing expression. They agreed to take time outs when needed. It would take work, but they agreed to take these new insights home to practice.

Are you using an untamed tongue in your marriage? Have you said things you regret later? Consider taming your tongue. Recognize and own your primary feelings, practice some of the tools in this article, and allow God to heal problems without anger and harsh words. You'll be glad you did.

Editor's note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family? Dr. David will address questions from Crosswalk readers in his weekly column.

Submit your question to him at TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com._________________________________________________________ This article was adapted from Nine Critical Mistakes Most Couples Make (Harvest House Publishers, 2005).Dr. David B. Hawkins is a Visiting Professor at International Christian University and specializes in interpersonal relationship counseling as well as domestic violence and emotional abuse in relationships. He has been a frequent guest on Moody Radio Mid-day Connection, Focus on the Family, and At Home Live. You can visit his website at www.YourRelationshipDoctor.com .

7 Healthy Easter Recipes

2008-04-10T09:04:00.000+08:00

(recipes from lifescript)

Ham, Gruyere & Spinach Bread Pudding

An elegant dish that's simple to prepare, high-quality smoked ham complements the spinach, peppers, rosemary, and Gruyere perfectly. To make this recipe ahead of time, prepare the pudding through Step 3 and then refrigerate overnight. Let stand at room temperature while the oven preheats, and bake as directed in Step 4.Serves: 6 Preparation time: 30 minutes

Ingredients
For the custard:
4 large egg whites
4 large
cup skim milk
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
1 teaspoon minced fresh

the bread & filling:
cups (4-6 slices) whole-grain bread, crusts removed if desired, cut into 1-inch cubes
5 cups chopped spinach, wilted (see Tip)
1/2 cup chopped jarred roasted red peppers1 cup (5 ounces) diced ham steak

For the topping:
3/4 cup shredded Gruyere cheese

Preparation
1. Preheat oven to 375°F. Coat an 11"x7" glass baking dish or a 2-quart casserole with cooking spray.
2. To prepare the custard whisk egg whites, eggs and milk in a medium bowl. Add mustard, pepper and rosemary and whisk to combine.
3. Toss bread, spinach, roasted red peppers, and ham in a large bowl. Add the custard and toss well to coat. Transfer to the prepared baking dish and push down to compact. Cover with foil.
4. Bake until the custard has set, 40 to 45 minutes. Uncover, sprinkle with cheese and continue baking until the pudding is puffed and golden on top, 15 to 20 minutes more. Transfer to a wire rack and cool for 15 to 20 minutes before serving.Enjoy!

Nutrition FactsPer serving 276 calories 10 g fat (4 g sat, 3 g mono)169 mg cholesterol 25 g carbohydrate 21 g protein 3 g fiber746 mg sodium422 mg potassiumNutrition Bonus: vitamin A (70% daily value), folate (37% dv), calcium (30% dv), vitamin C (20% dv)

Tip: To wilt greens, rinse thoroughly in cool water. Transfer them to a large microwave-safe bowl. Cover with plastic wrap and punch several holes in the wrap. Microwave on high until wilted, 2 to 3 minutes. Squeeze out any excess moisture before adding to the recipe.

Mint-Pesto Rubbed Leg of Lamb
What better way to celebrate Easter than with this traditional spring dish, but with an Italian twist. Have your butcher "butterfly" a boneless leg of lamb (that is, open it up to a large, flat cut of meat), and ask that any visible fat be trimmed off. To toast the pine nuts, use a small dry skillet over medium-low heat. Stir constantly, until the nuts are fragrant and lightly browned, 3 to 5 minutes.

Serves: 12

Preparation: 2 hours

Ingredients
1/2 cup packed fresh basil leaves1/4 cup packed fresh mint leaves1/4 cup packed fresh parsley leaves2 tablespoons toasted pine nuts 2 tablespoons grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil1 clove garlic, peeled1 teaspoon salt, divided1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper1 3 1/2-pound boneless leg of lamb, butterflied and trimmed of fat

1. Preheat oven to 350°F.
2. Sprinkle lamb all over with 1/2 teaspoon salt.
3. Place basil, mint, parsley, pine nuts, cheese, oil, garlic, remaining 1/2 teaspoon salt, and pepper in a food processor and process until fairly smooth. Reserve 2 tablespoons of the pesto; spread the rest over the top side of the lamb and roll it closed. (It will not be a perfect cylinder.)
4. Tie kitchen string around the roast in five places; do not tie too tightly or the pesto will squeeze out. Rub the reserved pesto over the outside of the lamb and place in a roasting pan.
5. Roast the lamb until a thermometer inserted into the thickest part registers 140°F for medium-rare, about 1 hour 20 minutes. Transfer to a cutting board; let rest for 10 minutes. Carve the lamb, leaving the string in place to help hold the roast together.Enjoy!

Nutrition FactsPer serving
(3 ounces)192 calories10 g fat (3 g sat, 5 g mono) 76 mg cholesterol 1 g carbohydrate25 g protein0 g fiber228 mg sodiumNutrition Bonus: selenium (37% daily value), zinc (29% dv)

Asparagus Topped with Creamy Tarragon Sauce

Your Easter table just wouldn't be complete without spring greens such as asparagus. Dress up tender spears with our luscious tarragon sauce, similar to a rich bearnaise, but without all the calories and fat.

Serves: 4

Preparation time: 15
Ingredients
2 bunches asparagus, tough ends trimmed
1/2 cup low-fat plain
tablespoons reduced-fat
teaspoons chopped fresh tarragon or
1 teaspoon dried1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 tablespoon water
2 teaspoons Dijon mustardSalt & freshly ground pepper to taste

Preparation
1. Bring 1 inch of water to a boil in a large saucepan. Put asparagus in a steamer basket, cover and steam until tender-crisp, about 4 minutes.
2. Meanwhile, whisk yogurt, mayonnaise, tarragon, lemon juice, water, mustard, salt, and pepper in a small bowl. Drizzle the sauce over the asparagus. Serve warm or cold.Enjoy!

Nutrition FactsPer serving
114 calories 7 g fat (1 g sat, 2 g mono); 8 mg cholesterol 10 g carbohydrate 4 g protein 2 g fiber 350 mg sodium 336 mg potassiumNutrition Bonus: folate (42% daily value), vitamin A (25% dv)

Minted Peas & Rice with Feta
The flavors of fresh mint and feta liven up traditional peas. Toss any leftovers with grilled shrimp for a satisfying, easy lunch the next day.Serves: 4 (3/4 cup each)

Preparation time: 25 minutes

Ingredients
1 1/4 cups reduced-sodium chicken broth
3/4 cup instant brown
1/2 cups (6 ounces) frozen peas
3/4 cup sliced
/4 cup finely crumbled feta cheese
1/4 cup sliced fresh mintFreshly ground pepper to taste

1. Bring broth to a boil in a large saucepan over high heat. Add rice and bring to a simmer; cover, reduce heat to medium-low and cook for 4 minutes.
2. Stir in peas and return to a simmer over high heat. Cover, reduce heat to medium-low and continue to cook until the peas are hot and the rice has absorbed most of the liquid, about 6 minutes.
3. Remove from heat and stir in scallions, feta, mint, and pepper. Cover and let stand until the liquid is absorbed, 3 to 5 minutes.Enjoy!

Nutrition FactsPer serving
134 calories3 g fat (1 g sat, 0 g mono)8 mg cholesterol22 g carbohydrate7 g protein4 g fiber321 mg sodiumNutrition Bonus: vitamin A (30% daily value), iron (15% dv), vitamin C (15% dv)

Potato & Sweet Potato Torte
Layers of potatoes and sweet potatoes meld into an impressive vegetable "cake" that forms a golden crust during baking. Serve as a vegetarian centerpiece or alongside your Easter lamb. Short on time? The torte will keep, covered, in the refrigerator for up to 2 days. Reheat, covered, in a 350°F oven.

Serves: 6

Preparation time: 1 hour

Ingredients:
1tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
2 large leeks, trimmed, washed and thinly sliced
1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme or 1 teaspoon dried thyme leaves
1/2 teaspoon salt, or to tasteFreshly ground pepper to taste1 pound (about 2 small) sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into 1/8-inch-thick slices
1 pound (2-4 medium) Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled and cut into 1/8-inch-thick slices

Preparation
1. Position oven rack at the lowest level; preheat to 450°F. Coat a 9 1/2-inch, deep-dish pie pan with cooking spray. Line the bottom with parchment paper or foil and lightly coat with cooking spray.
2. Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add leeks and thyme; cook, stirring often, until tender, about 5 minutes. (If necessary, add 1 to 2 tablespoons water to prevent scorching.) Season with 1/8 teaspoon salt and pepper.
3. Arrange half the sweet potato slices, slightly overlapping, in the prepared pie pan and season with a little of the remaining salt and pepper. Spread one-third of the leeks over the top. Arrange half the potato slices over the leeks and season with salt and pepper. Top with another third of the leeks. Layer the remaining sweet potatoes, leeks and potatoes in the same manner. Cover the pan tightly with foil.
4. Bake the torte until the vegetables are tender, about 45 minutes. Run a knife around the edge of the torte to loosen it. Invert onto a serving plate. Remove paper or foil and serve.Enjoy!

Nutrition FactsPer serving 144 calories3 g fat (0 g sat, 2 g mono)0 mg cholesterol30 g carbohydrate4 g protein4 g fiber221 mg sodiumNutrition Bonus: vitamin A (240% daily value), vitamin C (50% dv), potassium (35% dv), fiber (16% dv)

Carrot Cake
This timeless favorite has a healthier nutritional profile, but is still as moist and delicious as ever. You can find whole-wheat pastry flour in large supermarkets and in natural-foods stores. It contains less gluten than regular whole-wheat flour and is just as tender in delicate baked goods.

Serves: 16

Preparation time: 1 hour, 10 minutes + 1 hour cooling time

Ingredients

For the cake:
1/2 cup chopped
cups whole-wheat pastry flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
3 large
1/2 cups sugar
3/4 cup nonfat buttermilk
1/2 cup canola oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 20-ounce can crushed pineapple, drained, juice reserved2 cups
(4-6 medium) grated carrots
1/4 cup unsweetened flaked coconut

For the frosting:
2 tablespoons coconut chips or flaked coconut
12 ounces reduced-fat cream cheese,
softened1/2 cup confectioners' sugar,
sifted1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla

To prepare cake:
1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat a 9"x13" baking dish with cooking spray.
2. Toast walnuts in a small baking pan in the oven until fragrant, 5 to 10 minutes.
3. Whisk flour, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon in a medium bowl. Whisk eggs, sugar, buttermilk, oil, vanilla, and 1/4 cup of the reserved pineapple juice in a large bowl until blended. Stir in pineapple, carrots and coconut. Add the dry ingredients and mix with a rubber spatula just until blended. Stir in the nuts. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan, spreading evenly.
4. Bake the cake until the top springs back when touched lightly and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, 40 to 45 minutes. Let cool completely on a wire rack.

To prepare frosting & finish cake:
1. Place coconut in a small baking pan and toast in the oven at 300°F, stirring several times, until light golden, 5 to 10 minutes.
2. Beat cream cheese, confectioners' sugar and vanilla in a mixing bowl with an electric mixer until smooth and creamy. Spread frosting over the cooled cake and sprinkle with the coconut.Enjoy!

Nutrition FactsPer serving344 calories17 g fat (5 g sat, 6 g mono)56 mg cholesterol43 g carbohydrate6 g protein; 3 g fiber349 mg sodiumNutrition Bonus: vitamin A (40% daily value), fiber (12% dv)

Ruffled Phyllo Tart with Spring FruitStrawberries and rhubarb are a familiar seasonal pairing, but adding apricots to the mix takes it to new heights. The day before you plan to bake the tart, thaw the frozen phyllo in the refrigerator.

Serves: 8

Preparation time: 3 hours

Ingredients

For the filling:
/2 cup plus
2 teaspoons
1 tablespoon honey
1 pound (about 3 cups) fresh rhubarb, trimmed and cut into 1-inch pieces
1/4 cup cornstarch mixed with 3 tablespoons cold water
1/2 pound (about 4 medium) fresh apricots, pitted and quartered
1 cup strawberries, hulled and halved
1 teaspoon freshly grated orange zest
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon

For the crust:
3 tablespoons canola oil
2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
9 sheets phyllo dough, thawed
1 tablespoon dry unseasoned breadcrumbs
Confectioners' sugar for

Preparation;
Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat a 9-inch pie pan with cooking spray.

To prepare filling:
1. Combine 1/2 cup sugar, honey and rhubarb in a large saucepan. Cook over medium-low heat, stirring often, until the rhubarb is juicy and softens slightly, about 5 minutes. Increase heat to medium; gradually add the cornstarch mixture. Cook, stirring constantly, until the juices thicken, 2 to 3 minutes.
2. Combine apricots, strawberries, orange zest, and cinnamon in a large bowl. Mix in the rhubarb.

To prepare crust & bake tart:
1. Mix oil and butter in a small bowl. Cover phyllo with wax paper or plastic wrap and a slightly damp kitchen towel to prevent it from drying out. Center one sheet of phyllo in the pie pan, letting the edges hang over; gently press it into the pan. Dampen a pastry brush with water and lightly brush some of the oil-butter mixture over the phyllo. Sprinkle 1/2 teaspoon breadcrumbs over the bottom. Repeat with 5 more sheets of phyllo, laying each at a 45° angle to the previous one and sprinkling each with breadcrumbs.
2. Scrape the filling into the crust. Brush one of the remaining phyllo sheets with oil-butter mixture. Place another sheet on top at a 45° angle. Repeat with the last sheet. Place the stack on the filling. Fold the overhanging phyllo up around the tart, creating a ruffled border. Dab any remaining oil-butter mixture on top. Sprinkle with the remaining 2 teaspoons sugar. Cut 4 slits in the center for venting.
3. Place the tart on a baking sheet and bake until nicely browned and bubbling slightly, 45 to 55 minutes. Cool on a wire rack to room temperature (about 1 1/2 hours). Dust with confectioners' sugar.Enjoy!

Nutrition FactsPer serving268 calories9 g fat (2 g sat, 4 g mono)8 mg cholesterol44 g carbohydrate4 g protein2 g fiber150 mg sodiumNutrition Bonus: vitamin C (30% daily value), vitamin A (15% dv)

15 Ways to Observe Holy Week with Your Family

2008-04-10T09:01:00.000+08:00

Barbara Curtis
source: Crosswalk.com

Editor's Note: This is Part II in a series on celebrating Lent and Easter. To read Part I, click here.
Traditions - especially those children can see, hear, feel, smell and taste - provide vivid impressions on which parents can build year after year. There are many which will enrich your own family's celebration of what might be more accurately called Resurrection Day. Choose a few from this collection, share their meaning in whatever words your children will understand, and keep the ones you like as part of your family's Easter heritage.

Holy Week

11) Resurrection Eggs (TM): An egg carton filled with a dozen plastic eggs, each containing a symbol of the Holy Week. Accompanied by twelve brief child-friendly lessons. Make them yourself with directions from http://www.rainbowcastle.org/resurrectioneggs.html or order from FamilyLife Ministries.

12) Palm Sunday: If your church doesn't make much of Palm Sunday, you might consider just once attending one that does. For an in-home celebration, read Matthew 2:1-11 together. If you have a large family or a few friends, you can put together costumes and act out Jesus' arrival in Jerusalem.

13) Seeds: Seeds offer a clear message to children of the power of new life. Rest eggshell halves filled with soil in egg carton. Plant a marigold, petunia, or grapefruit seed in each (or even grass seed for fastest results). Place in sunny window.

14) Art Museums: The Passion of Christ is the most-portrayed subject of Western artists. If you live in a metropolitan area, a visit to your local art museum may give your family much to ponder.

15) Housecleaning: Wednesday of Holy Week has been a traditional day in many countries for housecleaning - from the Jewish custom of cleaning before Passover.

16) Passover: Each year more Christians are drawn to celebrate Passover, the feast commemorating the departure of the Israelites from slavery (Exodus 12). Jesus had come to Jerusalem to celebrate and was actually crucified on Passover Day. He is the fulfillment of this tradition, as our own Passover Lamb. For more information on connecting the Old and New Testaments in this way, visit Introduction to a Christian Seder: Recovering Passover for Christians.

17) Foot Washing: This Maundy Thursday event speaks volumes about Jesus's desire for us to serve. Read John 13. Wrap a towel around your waist, as Jesus did, and wash your children's feet. Your lives might never be the same.Good Friday

18) Three Hours: Observe Jesus' crucifixion by reading the Biblical account together. Sing old hymns of the Crucifixion and the Cross: "Were You There When They Crucified My Lord?" "The Old Rugged Cross," "When I Survey the Wondrous Cross." Most Catholic churches offer Stations of the Cross, fourteen plaques circling the interior walls which depict the final hours of Jesus' life. You may want to visit and contemplate these, one by one.

19) Hot Cross Buns: Traditional Good Friday fare for the family to make and eat together.Saturday of Holy Week

20) The Passion: Watch Mel Gibson's portrayal of Jesus's last hours with older children (warning: graphic but realistic violence). If your children are younger, If your children are younger, watch the Jesus Film Project's beautifully-crafted evangelical movie, scripted only with words from the Gospel of Luke.Easter Sunday

21) Easter Greeting: Greet each other with "Alleluia, the Lord is risen!" and answer "He is risen indeed!"

22) Sunrise Service: Attend one offered by a church, or climb a hill with your family, worship together, and share a picnic breakfast.

23) Special music: Listen together to Sandi Patti's moving "Was it a Morning Like This?" Listen again. Discuss how it must have felt to see our risen Lord. Was anyone who saw him ever the same? Jesus said those who believe without having seen are blessed (John 20:29).

24) New clothes: New converts were traditionally baptized at Easter, wearing new white garments to symbolize their new life. If your family has new Easter outfits, share with your children where this tradition came from.Somewhere in the Easter celebration, you may be coloring eggs and visiting relatives. Eggs then can become subtle way of sharing the Good News of Jesus Christ. Like seeds, eggs are very much a symbol of new life. Traditionally they were also a symbol of Easter joy because they were a forbidden item during Lent. Nowadays, dyed to take to grandmother's for an annual Easter egg hunt (as our family does each year) they can bear all manner of joyful messages.

Share with nonbelieving relatives and friends what your family is doing for Easter this year - maybe next year they'll join in. Whatever traditions you keep, remember that for believers Easter is a celebration that really never ends.

Make It Real for Little Ones
Young children are not abstract thinkers. To learn, they need to see. Experiences like growing seeds or bulbs give them a concrete image, providing a bridge into the abstract concept of new life.

Easter Diorama
with lots of pictures are a must for children to understand Jesus' death and Resurrection. For preschoolers, go easy on the torturous events leading to the Crucifixion as they could be too intense and upsetting. Concentrate on the tomb - finding it empty holds a lot of drama for children.For even more excitement, make the story three dimensional.Using clay or papier mache, construct a tomb and a stone. Create a scene, as simple or elaborate as you wish, of Jesus' burial site. Make or look through the toybox for plastic figures to represent Jesus and the guards. Wrap Jesus in a shroud (gauze from the medicine cabinet is perfect), place him in the tomb on Friday. Roll the stone in front of the opening of the tomb, using appropriate vocalizations to show how heavy it is. Now station the guards in front. No one is to touch the stone, although with the children's help, the guards may march back and forth to stretch their legs.

On Easter morning the children should find that during the night the stone was rolled away. The guards are lying outside the tomb, the gauzy shroud is inside, but Jesus is gone!

Read whichever Biblical account fits your children's ages or attention spans - some gospels have more information than others. Then "discover" the Jesus figure nearby. Now the words have meaning:
"He is risen!" "He is risen indeed!"

Barbara Curtis has 12 children - including three adopted sons with Down syndrome - and 10 grandchildren so far. She is also an award-winning author with nine books and 800+ articles in print publications including Focus on the Family, Guideposts, Christian Parenting Today, and The Washington Times.

Barbara is a popular speaker at MOPS and women's events, as well as writers' conferences. Online you can find her at MommyLife and Mommy, Teach Me!.

Affairs of the Heart

2008-04-10T08:58:00.000+08:00

by Debra White Smith
Author, Marriage Revolution
source: CrosswaLk

My lover is mine and I am his. ~ Song of Songs 2:16

Passage: Song of Songs 2

During the last few years I have communicated with a number of wives and husbands who are concerned about their mates' other relationships. The scenario goes like this:

My mate is very good friends with someone of the opposite sex. He/she spends lots of time with this person either on the phone or in person. I even overhear him/her talking about me and our marriage. I have expressed concern over this friendship, but my spouse repeatedly tells me that they're nothing but friends and I'm just being jealous.

Sometimes the friendship existed before the couple got married, so the mate has had a platonic-but-close friendship with this special friend for years and has no intention of putting boundaries on it. Often the spouse who is expressing concern feels deeply betrayed and frustrated. And well he or she should.

Many times what is going on is an emotional affair. Emotional affairs happen when a platonic friendship turns into a crush or thoughts are entertained such as, "If I were single, this is the person I'd go after." Sometimes light flirting happens. When the spouse involved in the emotional affair gripes or puts down his or her spouse or discusses negatives about the marriage, verbal infidelity has occurred. Often verbal unfaithfulness coupled with an emotional affair leads to sexual infidelity.

Emotional affairs resemble a sexually chaste dating relationship. When coworkers have emotional affairs, they regularly do special things for each other, such as bake cookies or small repair jobs. They might walk to their cars together at the end of the day and spend breaks and lunchtime with each other. Many times when a man has an affair with his secretary, she starts out doing thoughtful, wifely things for him. This grows into a friendship, which blossoms into an emotional affair, which eventually becomes sexual.

In order to combat any chances of an emotional affair, some Christians run every time they see someone of the opposite sex. This is really only necessary if the person is spiritually, emotionally, or sexually weak. In such cases, the remedy lies in strengthening the marriage and his or her relationship with God to the point that fierce loyalty to the spouse and the Lord overrides temptation.

People have to work and interact with people of the opposite sex. In our ministry, my husband and I are surrounded by male and female acquaintances and associates. We're both very careful to not let any of these friendships grow into a relationship that might lead to an emotional affair. If we sense someone is too interested, Daniel and I report to each other with a "What do you think? Am I being paranoid or do you think this person might be trying to warm up to me?"

Many times Daniel and I validate what the other is sensing. Then we quietly put boundaries on that person. I've found that sometimes Christians who are wholly dedicated to the Lord can go from one emotional affair to another without realizing or recognizing what's happening.
Occasionally baking cookies for business associates or walking to a vehicle together or having a business-related lunch doesn't automatically mean someone is having an emotional affair. These deeds can be a necessity or simply a polite consideration and nothing more. However, it's wise to be on guard so that habitual kindnesses don't grow into more…not only for you, but also for the other party.

As the outgoing, friendly sort who talks to everyone, I've learned the hard way that those who are emotionally needy can view the offer of friendship as something more personal and serious. Now that I'm a much older and wiser woman, I'm polite but careful to never give men a reason to think I'm available emotionally or otherwise. I also frequently mention God, my husband, and my family and keep conversations benign.

If you or your mate has experienced an emotional affair, perhaps the marriage isn't meeting the needs or fulfilling the one involved in the affair. I'm not saying that the emotional affair is the fault of the other spouse, but I am saying that often trouble in a marriage can drive inappropriate emotional attachments. In most cases problems in a marriage exist because both spouses contribute in some way. If an emotional affair turns into a sexual affair, and then a divorce and remarriage occur, the people involved will likely fall into a similar dysfunction again.
Examine your heart for any signs of an emotional affair. If your spouse is uncomfortable with a friendship you nurture, put some boundaries on that friendship. Don't enable a spouse's inappropriate jealousies that are bred by control and insecurity, but be sensitive. If you're spending time with and getting attached to a person of the opposite sex, your spouse will sense that and voice objections. Listen to your mate. Don't discount what he or she says.

Father, please show me any emotional affairs I might be blind to. Also, make me aware of anyone who is too close to me. Help me put kind-but-firm boundaries on that relationship. I want to be faithful to my mate sexually, verbally, and emotionally. And, Lord, please give my mate the same desires. Give us the wisdom and discernment to avoid unhealthy emotional attachments that violate our wedding vows. Bring us to a point in our marriage where we can joyfully say, "My lover is mine, and I am my lover's" and mean it.

Excerpted from
Marriage Revolution: Rethinking Your Relationship in Light of God's Design (Harvest House Publishers) by Debra White Smith. © 2008 Debra White Smith. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

Debra White Smith has 52 books to her credit and more than a million books in print, including Romancing Your Husband, Romancing Your Wife, and many fiction romances. Debra's award-winning writing, biblical knowledge, and entertaining humor have made her a reader favorite and a sought-after conference speaker.

Do You Feel You Have to Do it All?

2008-04-10T08:57:00.001+08:00

by Sandy Coughlin
source: Crosswalk

"We need a balance between work and play, between kindness and firmness, between waiting and praying, between saving and spending, between wanting too much and expecting too little, between warm acceptance and keen discernment, between grace and truth. The longer I live, the more I must fight the tendency to go to extremes … and the more I value balance." (Taken from Chuck Swindoll's Living Beyond the Daily Grind)
I receive heartfelt emails from readers on a daily basis. This one touched a chord with me, and I bet she is not the only woman who feels this way! See what you think, if she resonates with you:

I have a question. I'm feeling so overwhelmed lately with all the demands from school for me to volunteer, driving kids to sports events, teaching bible class, etc. It all takes up so much of my time, I couldn't even fathom entertaining, much less actually being able to get anything done. How do you balance everything? Do you put a limit on outside demands? I'm feeling a little frustrated this week, and need a little advice if you have a couple minutes to spare.

Goodness – her life sounds like my life and, I bet, most American moms' lives!
There once was a season where I thought I had to do it all. I've now pulled back from too much volunteer work (I put my time in for many years!), and I don't go to parties (or Bunko) during weekday evenings. I've even limited myself to how I want to serve at church. Just for this season, I value being available for my family. How much longer will we all be together? When the kids are gone, I will have so much more free time to volunteer.

My husband was the one who helped me attain this concept.I used to feel guilty if I didn't "serve," but now that I have learned that serving begins smack-dab in the middle of my home, I'm freed up to reach out in different ways. For example, some of the ways I get to serve is through Balcony Girls (done in my home), making meals for others, taking cookies to neighbors, feeding teachers, having a friend over for lunch, setting up meals for a needy family, and making sure there is plenty of food for my teens (and their starving friends ). I've even been a college mentor through a scholarship program – again, pretty much done in my own home. And in the midst of serving those outside my family I, of course, prioritize serving my husband by balancing "date nights " – something I hugely value for a healthy marriage and great for my kids to witness!

Tips on Bringing it Home Even though I've managed to bring much of my life home, I still need to be intentional at seeking out balance. I actually work from home so I have to be incredibly disciplined with my time. It feels horrible when my home gets out of control -- and believe me, it does! -- because I'm working almost full-time. I only shop when I absolutely have to. And during this season, I squeeze in necessary alone time by getting up early to exercise with wonderful running partners then coming back for a quick study on my own (currently working through Beth Moore's Fruit of the Spirit study).

Less is More. Less time in my car is more time at home. We are blessed to be about 0.8 mile away from the kids' schools and activities so I do very little driving around. For the times that I need to get somewhere, I set up a carpool. I'll drive one way and arrange for another parent to drive the other way.

I've learned to say "No" to many outside activities so I can keep my home flowing and at the same time teach my kids about hospitality and the art of homemaking.

Hospitality on a Limited Schedule. As I mentioned before, hospitality rarely leaves my home in this increasingly busy season of life – but if it does, it goes with me in the form of a meal, cookies, flowers, or time to someone in need. Pick and choose what is important to you and what you want your kids to learn from it. Here's one practical example of reaching out on a limited schedule.
I got up early one morning last week and turned the oven on to 350 degrees.I pulled my Ziploc bag of Snicker Doodle cookie dough out of the freezer. My daughter and I made up a double batch of dough this past weekend, rolled half of it up into balls, spun them around in a bowl of cinnamon and sugar, and then froze them in Ziplocs. This is the best way to have fresh cookies come out of your oven – in a snap! I had pre-arranged to take dinner to a friend that morning, a friend who'd recently had surgery. Her family became the lovely recipient of freshly-baked Snicker Doodles plus a dinner of Mango Crockpot Chicken , fresh tortillas, and all the fixings to go with it (and canned salsa from my sis's garden)!

Even a quick gesture can make a big difference in someone's life. I am still learning the art of this balancing act.

I like to think that the older I get, the wiser I am becoming with my time as I learn from others.

Sandy Coughlin is a wife and mother of 3. She loves her family and loves blessing other people's lives by entertaining in her home. Sandy's husband, Paul, (who used to be the reluctant entertainer) has come on board, and they often offer hospitality together. Sandy and Paul co-authored a book called Married but Not Engaged(Bethany House, Aug. 2006). It's written to women who are married to "checked out" or emotionally absent men and who want to create a more satisfying, intimate relationship. This article was adapted from Sandy's regularly updated blog "4 Reluctant Entertainers," which you can visit at http://www.reluctantentertainer.com/. Get more information on Married but Not Engaged by clicking here. Visit Paul's website at: http://www.paulcoughlin.net/

Living by a code of honor

2008-04-10T08:54:00.000+08:00

By Rebekah Montgomery

It was a mistake. I knew it then and I admit it now.

I was in Atlanta attending a conference where I didn't know hardly anyone. Lonely, I decided to telephone an old friend living there. He came down to my hotel, picked me up, and you can guess what happened next: He fed me barbecue. We talked over old times. Laughed a lot. Then he dropped me back at my hotel about 9:30. No romance. No attraction. Not even a peck on the cheek.

But it was wrong, not because I am a married woman - my husband knew and approved the dinner - but because I am Bible teacher. The Scriptures are clear: God Himself holds those who teach the Word to higher standard. By the way, so do the world and our students. (James 3:1) For this reason as well as others, I take the privilege of teaching the Word very seriously.

As women who minister, our mistakes can be more dangerous than physician malpractice. If a doctor blunders, the patient may die. If we goof up, someone could go to hell to die forever - and take her family with her. As Jesus commented, we would be better off dead than cause someone to sin. (Matthew 18:6)

So I have adopted a Code of Honor for my ministry and I want to share the condensed version with you. It is not meant to restrict as much as protect the Lord's reputation, my reputation, and those who are new believers or seekers from being offended. It is a dynamic document. As I learn, either by instruction or from a mistake, I amend it. But I share it with you now, and perhaps it will serve as a pattern for a Code of Honor for your ministry, too.

A Women's Ministry Code of Honor
When I quote Scripture in a teaching, I will look it up in context to be certain that I am not twisting it to make my point. I will try to memorize the passage so I quote it correctly.
I will make sure that any teaching showcases Jesus and His truth, not me or my pet subject.

When I speak, I will not tell anecdotes about my children or husband without their permission.

When I am a guest at a church, I will not publicly dispute doctrinal issues with which I disagree. I will conform to their social and religious customs provided they do not disagree with my basic faith tenets.

will dress modestly in public at all times.

When I am teaching the Word, I will dress in such as way as to not call undue attention to myself or be distracting.

will not be alone or meet privately with a member of the opposite sex who is not a close family member. If I do have a meeting, it will be in a public place or with someone else present.

I will not pray with or privately counsel a member of the opposite sex who is not a close relative.

I will not flirt in any way with a member of the opposite sex. (Except my hubby, and then watch the sparks!)

absolutely will not discuss anything of a private sexual nature with a member of the opposite sex.
I will not laugh at suggestive stories or jokes.

I will love and treat others as I wish to be treated, considering everyone as beloved by God regardless of their sexual orientation, social status, race, religion, criminal record, addiction, or lifestyle.

I am a servant, not a master. I wash feet, not stand on a pedestal.

I will not take money to pray for or with someone. Since I am not a trained counselor, I will not take money to counsel someone.

What someone tells me in confidence remains private unless he/she has committed a crime that by law I have to report.

I will not pretend to be perfect. But neither will I strip down to my emotional underwear for the purpose of attention.

I will be transparent and accountable. When I'm wrong or hurt, I'll admit it. If I make a public mistake, I'll admit it publicly.

I will be quick to apologize. I will seek restoration.

I will be scrupulously honest in any area that deals with money. I will take a loss rather than allow any suspicion of financial mishandling.

I will avoid personal habits (use of alcohol, smoking, gambling, etc.) that might cause others to sin.

I do not publicly discuss my own political views, but if someone asks privately, I will share my opinion.

Whether I am in public or private, I will be aware that I am a representative of Christ, and because He has entrusted me to teach His Word, my actions have greater repercussions.

© Rebekah Montgomery 2008

The Secret to Knowing God

2008-01-15T17:40:00.001+08:00

Bayless Conley

source: CrossWalk

How to walk in deeper intimacy with your Creator

Deep down, I truly believe every Christian wants to experience a deeply personal and intimate relationship with God. And I also believe each and every believer in Christ can have this kind of relationship with their Creator.

But there is often a problem in how we approach God. We often go to Him looking for rewards… or we're constantly asking Him for things. Now, I'm not saying that we shouldn't go to God with our cares and burdens. In fact, He tells us in 1 Peter 5:7 to tell Him about our concerns because He cares so much for us.

But if you want to know God… I mean, really know Him… there is another prayer He wants to hear from you. It's a prayer like the one we hear Moses pray in Exodus 33:13.

In my mind, this is one of the greatest prayers in all of Scripture:

"Now therefore, I pray, if I have found grace in Your sight, show me now Your way, that I may know You and that I may find grace in Your sight."

Moses didn't just say, "Come with us, God" but he said, "Show me Your way because, God, I want to know You." And then Moses added to it in verse 18, when He said, "Please, show me Your glory."

The Hebrew word for "glory" literally means "weight, mass, or substance." So in essence Moses is saying, "God, I want to know what You're made of. I don't just want to know about You. I want to know You. I want to know who You are."

The word that Moses used when he said he wanted to know God is the same word that's used in Genesis 4:1 where it says, "Adam knew Eve his wife." Moses is requesting to have the most personal, intimate relationship with God. He wants to draw close to God.

Friend, prayers like that touch the heart of God because not too many people pray them!

read a story about Abraham Lincoln that took place during the Civil War. A woman actually came to the White House and somehow got in with a plate full of cookies.

When she finally got through to the president, she said, "Mr. President, I don't want anything at all. I was just thinking about you today and the load that you are carrying… and I just thought maybe some cookies would brighten up your day."

Lincoln began to weep and said, "Madam, I see a great many people every day, and they want a great many things from me. But of all the people I've seen since being in office, you are the first one that has ever come not asking something of me but wanting to bring something to me."

While God delights in answering our prayer, He also desires for us to bring something to Him. But how often do we... do you… come just to bring Him something?

It's the kind of prayer that says, "God, I want to know You. I just want to hang out. I want to find out who You are. Show me what You are made of."

Friend, I think we can all know God in a personal and intimate way… just like Moses did… the way Paul did… even the way Abraham did.

Paul cried out in Philippians 3:10, "that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection." And Abraham discovered what God meant when He said in Genesis 15:1, "I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward."

Life is about knowing God! So let me challenge you today to pray a prayer like this:

God, show me who You are. I'm not coming with a request. I've got a long list, but I'll leave it outside the door for now. God, I'm just coming to You because I want to know You. I just want to make Your heart happy. I want to make You smile. God, show me Your ways.

Doing this will delight the heart of God! And you'll be surprised at some of the things that begin to happen within your life when you pray this prayer. Because I truly believe God is crying out, saying "Oh, that they walk in My ways!"

He wants you to know Him today!

4 Types of Friends Every Pastor Needs

2008-01-08T16:31:00.001+08:00

Ike Reighard

source : CW

Pastors may be the most well-known, loneliest men on the face of the earth. Friendship is a vital part of New Testament ministry and leadership. Without quality, biblical friendships, we are modeling a flawed Christian lifestyle for our church members. Yet, for many, the difficulties of pastoral friendships outweigh the benefits.

Most pastors find themselves in an unhealthy relationship where their wife is their only friend and counselor. If a pastor continues to project his problems onto his wife, she will grow disillusioned and desperate to leave the ministry. I believe a pastor's wife should be his best friend, but she should not be his only friend.

n my 30 years of ministry, I have learned that every pastor needs at least four types of friends:

The Developer
Your best friend will always be the person who brings out the very best in you. According to Billy Graham, he wouldn't have made it as an evangelist if he had to minister alone. Over 53 years ago, Billy Graham met his staff and best friends: Cliff Barrows, George Beverly Shea, and Grady Wilson. These three men protected him, strengthened him, counseled with their wisdom, and corrected him when he needed it. He is convinced that without these friends he would have burned out within a few years after his first groundbreaking crusade in 1949 ( Just as I Am: The Autobiography of Billy Graham, pp. 125-129).

Developer friends will bring the gift of encouragement to a pastor's life and bring out the very best in him.

The Designer
We tend to think of mentors as a personal, hands-on coach. The Latin and Greek define them more as "advisors" or "wise men." Jesus was a master mentor. He ministered to thousands, trained hundreds, equipped twelve, and had an intimate friendship with three men.

The designer mentors us in our marriage, ministry, child-rearing, civic involvement, business acumen, or any area where we need a model. Designer mentors may live near or far, be acquaintances or strangers, or may even be dead. They "design" our lives through Scripture, books, tapes, articles, or seminars.

The Disturber
We need friends who will shake up our status quo. Disturbers ask us difficult questions, forcing us to take a closer look at motivations and ambitions. Disturbers know when we have retreated into our comfort zones, and they call us out to greater effectiveness. God uses disturbers in our lives to become the object of greater force that breaks inertia and propels us to greater achievement.

A biblical picture of a disturber is in Deuteronomy 32:11. In this passage the mother eagle tears up the soft nest to reveal sharp thorns that bring discomfort to the eaglets. Because of discomfort, the eaglets leave the nest and learn to fly. The mother develops her young by repeatedly pushing them out of the nest and catching them until they become skilled flyers. Eagles were never meant to stay in the nest and neither were we. The disturber pushes us to learn to fly.

The Discerner
In a lifetime of relationships, perhaps only a handful of people are willing to play this vital role because it requires mutual vulnerability. More popularly known as accountability partners, discerners bring the gift of spiritual insight into our lives. They know how to speak the truth in love. They know how to exhort and rebuke, seeking to keep their friend on the right track. They are also vulnerable—the true friends who will walk into the room of your life while everyone else is walking out.

Proverbs 27:6 reads, "The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive." Always be slow in choosing your discerners and even slower in leaving them.

If you are a typical pastor without close friendships, I urge you to seek them out. They may keep you in ministry for the long haul, and your wife will thank you.

Ike Reighard is the Founding Pastor of NorthStar Church in Kennesaw, Georgia . Adapted by Craig Webb from a previously published article.

Is Your Marriage a Priority?

2007-12-26T09:01:00.001+08:00

Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg

source: Crosswalk

Is your family out of order? Does your spouse come first, or do your kids take the number one spot? Do you even know which should be the top priority in your family? We're here to tell you -- whether your family is traditional or blended, your marriage has to take priority over your kids.

We know that's not an easy sell for most people. But you have to realize that children need to know that their parents love not only them, but each other. Their sense of security grows as they see parents loving each other. To put your marriage on hold for 18 years -- or even 1 year -- while you raise children is not only detrimental to your marriage, it is devastating to your children. When the parental team breaks down, children become the biggest losers. They lose their family, which is where they build their sense of security. When children don't feel secure, their whole world seems to unravel. No amount of baseball, dance, piano lessons, or toys can make up for that kind of loss.

Research shows that marriage takes a hit when you have kids. According to an analysis of 90 studies involving 31,000 married people, the drop in marital satisfaction after the first baby's birth is a staggering 42% larger among the current generation of parents than their predecessors. Satisfaction dips even lower -- though only slightly -- with each successive child. Studies also suggest that one-third to one-half of new-parent couples experience as much marital distress as couples already in therapy for marital difficulties. [1]

So if you can't seem to prioritize your marriage or spend money on dates for yourselves...do it for your kids! And if you're not sure how to start, we're going to coach you with practical ways to be couple-focused rather than child-focused!

Expectations today are high on parents. It's not enough to raise a nice kid; she's got to be ahead of the developmental curve and involved in arts and athletic activities, too. Moms exhaust themselves trying to keep up with the kids and dads feel the pressure to be more involved in their kids' lives. Well-meaning couples think, "After the kids are gone, we'll get to be a couple again." But by the time the kids are off to college, so much distance has crept in that couples hardly know each other...and divorce becomes more and more appealing.

Recent research has shown that when the family unit falls apart, so do the kids. Children from broken homes have a higher rate of academic problems, promiscuity, teen pregnancy, alcohol and drug abuse, emotional and behavior problems, violence, suicide, and poverty as an adult. [1] If you are thinking that you are doing the best for your child when you put your spouse on the back burner and your kids as number one, you are sorely mistaken. The best way to protect your children from these things is to keep your marriage together. If you want to be the best parents you can be work to become the best couple you can be.

One of the major components of strengthening your marriage team is to make sure you spend enough time together. Now we know that many of you already are coming up with a list of excuses as to why you cannot find the time to spend with each other. We're here to tell you--you can. Healthy couples don't "find" the time to be together, they "make" time to be together. You may have convinced yourself that you simply don't have enough time to schedule each other into your day, but that's not accurate. You have the time to do whatever you want to do. And if you don't spend the time with your spouse, you'll fill the time with something less important.

Parents need private time to continue to feel as though they are not only parents but also partners. If you are always pushing your spouse aside for time with the kids, you may want to consider what you're teaching your children. By the way you treat your spouse, are you modeling for your children how you hope they will treat their future spouses? Probably not. Spending time with your spouse not only draws the two of you closer together, but it also teaches your children that marriage has to be our number one human relationship.

So we want to challenge you to take some time out to talk with your spouse about how you two can make your marriage a priority. Pull out your calendars and see when you can set aside time for just the two of you. Try setting a regular date night. Even if it's just once a month, that can be so refreshing for your relationship! Get your babysitter ready ahead of time, and figure out what you'd like to do. You can take turns choosing the "date" each month. If you need some ideas, check out our book, 40 Unforgettable Dates with Your Mate. It includes some great ideas for planning a date specifically for your spouse and to meet your spouse's love needs! So, start today and make your marriage a priority by setting aside time alone for you and your mate!

[1] Lauren Picker, "And Now, The Hard Part," Newsweek (25 April 2005): 46-48

[1] Dr. Debbie Cherry, Child-Proofing Your Marriage (Colorado Springs, CO: Life Journey/Cook Communications, 2004)

Portions of this article were adapted from "The Great Marriage Q&A Book," Copyright 2006 and "40 Unforgettable Dates with Your Mate," Copyright 2002 by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg, all rights reserved. Published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., www.tyndale.com. To order this resource or to find our more about Dr. Gary and Barb -- Your Marriage Coaches, visit www.drgaryandbarb.com or call 1-888-608-COACH.

Married over 30 years, the parents of two adult daughters and five grandchildren, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg, your marriage coaches, have a unique blend of insight and wisdom that touch people of all ages. Together with Gary's 25,000 hours of counseling experience and Barbara's gift of encouragement and biblical teaching, they are equipping thousands of families across the nation through their interactive daily radio program, conferences, and marriage and family resources.

7 Foods for Strong Bones

2007-12-26T08:54:00.001+08:00

Good Eats Rich in Calcium and Vitamin D
By Jill Weisenberger, MS, RD, CDE
source: lifescript

If you think brittle bones are just for old people, you've got a lot to bone up on. True, osteoporosis usually affects women after age 50, but bone mass starts to deplete in your 30s. If you're a teenager, a grandmother or any age in between, a good diet will lower your chances of developing a weak and fragile skeleton. Strong bones take more than the occasional glass of milk. Here are seven foods that are surprisingly good for your skeleton…

1. Pumpkin Seeds and Brazil Nuts
When you think of bone-building minerals, you probably think of calcium. Our bones are largely made of calcium, but other minerals form a strong frame, too. In fact, 50% of the body's magnesium resides in our bones. Research shows that a low magnesium intake is linked to bone fragility and calcium loss, most likely because poor magnesium status alters calcium metabolism.

Nuts and seeds of all types are good sources of magnesium, but pumpkin seeds and Brazil nuts outshine the rest. Definitely eat up for your bones, but don't overdo it: Nuts are a high-fat, high-calorie snack. Limit your serving to just one ounce – about 1/4 cup – per day.

A few ways to go a little nuts:

Pre-measure a 1-ounce portion to take to work for an afternoon pick-me-up.

Sprinkle a tablespoon or two onto your mixed green salad.

Toss some with green beans or sautéed spinach.

2. Walnuts
These nuts – rich in alpha linolenic acid (ALA), an omega-3 fatty acid – deserve their own category. Bones aren't a hard, brittle skeleton like many people think. Actually, they're living organs with live cells and body fluids. Every day, bone cells break down and build back up. That's how they remain strong and repair after a break.

A January 2007 Nutrition Journal study suggests that the ALA in walnuts protects your skeleton by decreasing the rate of bone breakdown while keeping bone formation at a constant level. So grab a small handful of walnuts for a snack or sprinkle a couple tablespoons into your oatmeal. Other foods with ALA include: flaxseed oil, ground flaxseeds, walnut oil, soybeans, soybean oil, and canola oil.

3. Tap Water
Bet you couldn't have guessed this one. Famed for its role in dental health, fluoride is also a component of your bones and adds to their density. Many communities add this mineral to their drinking water to help prevent dental decay. If you drink only bottled water, you may not be getting adequate fluoride to protect your teeth or your bones.

4. Leafy Greens
Make green your new favorite color. Your salads and steamed greens are packed with bone-building nutrients, particularly calcium, magnesium and vitamin K.

Vitamin K is critical in the formation of bone proteins. Research shows that too little of this fat-soluble vitamin increases your risk of hip fracture, but eating enough vitamin K decreases urinary calcium losses. One cup of raw or a half-cup of cooked greens provides several times the recommended intake of 90 micrograms per day.

Here are a few ways to sneak some extra green in today:

Add lettuce to your sandwiches. Even iceberg lettuce has vitamin K.

Slip spinach leaves between layers of noodles in homemade lasagna.

Start your dinner with a salad of spinach or mixed greens.

Have something unusual for dinner. Look for dandelion greens or Swiss chard.

5. Beans: Pintos, Black Beans, White Beans, Kidney Beans
Have beans for supper tonight. You'll get another good boost of magnesium and even some calcium. The U.S. Dietary Guidelines for Americans recommends at least 2 1/2 cups of beans and other legumes (peas, lentils) weekly. If you're a bean eater, you might also reduce your risk of cancer, heart disease and obesity. Problem is, most people don't know what to do with them. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

In the beginning of the week, open and rinse a can of beans, and store them in your refrigerator. Each night, toss a heaping spoonful into your mixed green salad.

Top nachos with red beans.

Mix any canned bean into vegetable soups.

Add black beans or kidney beans to pasta salads.

Instead of coleslaw or potato salad, bring a bean salad to your next potluck supper.

6. Salmon
Calcium may be the chief bone-forming mineral, but it's nothing without its sidekick vitamin D, which is necessary for calcium absorption. A small serving of salmon – just 3 1/2 ounces – gives you 90% of the daily recommended amount of vitamin D. As with low intakes of vitamin K, vitamin D deficiency is linked to hip fracture. In one scientific review by the American Medical Association, 50% of women with osteoporosis who were hospitalized for hip fracture had signs of vitamin D deficiency.

If you want a double-whammy of bone-building nutrients, don't just look to fresh fish. Canned salmon provides vitamin D as well as a good dose of calcium… as long as you eat the bones. (Don't worry, they're soft.)

7. Milk
Okay, not so surprising. But since milk is the most likely source of both calcium and vitamin D, it's worthy of attention. Many of us forget about milk once we outgrow our crazy straws and strawberry powder, but bones don't stop developing in our teens. We can add bone mass even in our 20s, but only if we consume adequate amounts of these nutritional elements.

Once we reach menopause, our bones lose calcium more rapidly than at any other time due to a loss of estrogen. Here again, calcium and vitamin D can help delay the loss of bone mass.

Milk is a good source of vitamin D because it is fortified, but cheese, yogurt and ice cream are generally not fortified and contain very little vitamin D. Choose nonfat or 1% milk. Avoid the others because of their saturated fat and cholesterol content. Pour a nice cold glass and enjoy – with or without a cookie. (See related article: How to Spot Good Fats from Bad Fats)

More Dos and Don'ts for Strong Bones

Do eat your fruits and veggies.
You've been told this over and over, but it's worth repeating. Higher intakes are associated with greater bone mineral density. Researchers can't say exactly why, but fruits and vegetables are loaded with an array of nutrients that have been studied for their potential role in building strong bones.

Do learn to love exercise.
Get at least 30 minutes of physical activity each day. Weight-bearing exercises like running, dancing and lifting weights stress your bones in a good way. This signals your body to make more bone cells.

Don't drink to excess.
Alcohol can inhibit the formation of new bone cells.

Don't drink cola often, even diet and decaffeinated.
Regular cola drinkers have lower bone mineral density than women who rarely drink cola.

Don't smoke.
The more you smoke, the greater your risk of a fracture.

Don't worry about caffeine… if you get enough calcium.
Caffeine does cause you to lose more calcium in your urine for one to three hours after ingestion, but your 24-hour calcium loss shouldn't be any greater than if you didn't have caffeine. Drinking more than two or three cups of coffee per day is associated with bone loss in postmenopausal women when their calcium intake is inadequate. Aim for 1,200 milligrams (mg) of calcium daily – the equivalent of four cups of milk or yogurt – if you've already hit menopause. Otherwise, 1,000 mg should do.

What Type Of People Will God Bring Your Way?

2007-12-08T10:36:00.001+08:00

source: Joyce Pillay

thanks helpmeet!

He is not going to send another you. If you are waiting for Him to send someone who lines up 100% with your way of thinking, understanding, talents and abilities, you may be waiting a long time. He already has someone in our church like that - you. God gives us unique people who add to our ministry. They are people who have talents that we don't have. They add flavor to the church and giftedness to our ministry. Appreciate the fact that God has sent you someone very unlike yourself.

Some will have talents you have no understanding of. You may not have a bit of understanding of computers and the Lord may send you a computer programmer. Don't feel inadequate around this person. Thank God for him and put his giftedness to work.

He is going to give you people of various educational backgrounds. Should the Lord send you a Doctor, don't feel dumb around him...Ask him questions, learn from him...find him a place in the body to minister. If he sends you an attorney, thank the Lord, don't feel intimidated, let him educate you on a few things as you expound to him the laws of God and allow his knowledge of the law be a blessing to your church.

He going to bring you people with more time and energy than you have. They might have more energy and time to invest in a project, let them go for it. Don't put the breaks on something just because you can't be there. Tell them what you want to happen and put them in charge of it. Turn them loose, there is no telling what can happen for the sake of the Church when you are not around.

He's going to give you people who have great ideas and vision. You are not the only one who has good ideas. Let them bring something to the table. Let them express themselves. Listen to them. It is entirely possible that they may know more about something than you do. That is a gift to your ministry.

He is going to give you people with resources. Some of these resources may be money, people relationships, education, etc. Teach them how to use those resources in ways that best serve the Kingdom.

He's going to give you what you ask for. "Ask and it shall be given." However, when He gives it, it may be covered up with sin and worldliness. It's up to you to find the diamond in the rough.

Where to Look for Leadership in Your Church

2007-12-08T10:35:00.001+08:00

Where To Look For Leadership In Your Church

thansk helpmeet!

source: Joyce Pillay

One of the biggest problems in many of our churches is a lack of leadership. Where do you find people who have leadership abilities?

"You don't have to bring in a hireling to find leadership in your church...the person you are looking for might be sitting right there in those pews. "

People who have displayed faithfulness in small things. He might be the usher who is constantly faithful to the duties of ushering. Don't leave that person doing the same thing for 30 years because they do it so well. Move them into areas of leadership.

Look for people who worship well and who love their pastor. You might think they have no leadership ability, and they may not. But their love for God and their Pastor will give them the zeal they will need to learn how to lead from you.

Look for people who serve in some leadership capacity in the community or on their job. Yes this may be secular leadership, but it is leadership nonetheless. Use this type of leadership sparingly at first. Teach them to buffer their secular wisdom with the grace and wisdom of God.

Look at the youth.
Young people are easily trained and are pliable. Given a Pastor's guidance and trust a young person will rise to the occasion. Considering the future of your church? Work with the young people. Bring them into leadership, their heart will be close to their pastor. If you are willing to spend some time and patients here, you will have people you have trained and mentored from very early stages of their development.

A Few Things To Know About People Before You Use Them In Ministry

2007-12-08T10:33:00.000+08:00

thanks helpmeet!

Subject: Re: [helpmeets2006] Am I Really Qualified for Ministry
From : Joyce Pillay

Dear Ladies, this was sent to me a little while ago, not sure who did...I experience the similar thing... everything I touch seem to have been a disaster. You see sometimes we don't believe in ourselves, we continue hearing the enemy speaking lies... If you are placed in an area, you are not called out. You will sense it, the best part of it is that you have learned something from that point, by which you take forward with you is love and people skills. You also gain wisdom, you tend to mature, but most of all you will eventually find your field... sometimes it may sound like you wasted time and energy, I don't think so, because we have to wait a long time to find your niche market, thru those times The Lord is preparing and making you ready for greater work, your attitude has changed, your time has come, to do what you love so much to do. Work is a solid tasks, we will continue to grumble and be undecided, the little things, we do, and in due time, He will take us away from that to the next level in ministry. It could be the other way around those that at the top may have to come down, and start from the bottle to get back to the top.

I am waiting on the Lord to open doors across the nations, but IF it is not His will, then I will be content to continue in the place I am, If He was, to tell me to get back to just doing ministry in my home, neighbors, friends and family members, and to give up the bigger picture which I have for myself, I will sense that was never meant to be, but I have gained enormous wisdom from Him, when I take a back seat, and allow Him to be in the driving seat.

with much love

Joyce Pillay

www.joyceministries.org.au

A Few Things To Know About People Before You Use Them In Ministry.

They are not perfect. It's true that if you wait for people to become perfect, you may be waiting a long time. There is nothing wrong with exercising your own faith and begin using people before they are 100% ready to be used.

They will need your help. Don't expect them to know all that you know. Sit down with them and one on one, explain to them how to do what it is you want them to do. Give them details of what you expect and guidelines on how to do it.

They need someone to tell them they can do it. Most of the people who come into our churches have been beaten down by the world. They need someone to believe in them. The very fact that you believe in them will cause them to do things for God that they never thought they were capable of.

They will make mistakes. You've made yours, let them make theirs. Give them room for grace and forgiveness. Let them know that a mistake is not necessarily an end, but rather a place to learn.

They are not mind readers. Don't expect them to just know what it is you want them to know. Talk to them. Communicate it to them. Send them memos, emails and leave messages.

They want to succeed. Nobody wants to fail. Give them every chance to succeed. Don't give them a job that is way over their head. Give them small tasks at first and work them into the ministry you want them to have.

They want to please God and their Pastor. When they have done well..."Tell Them!" Remember, they are not getting paid to do what it is they are doing. They are volunteering for one reason...they want to please their God and their Pastor. They are doing what it s because they want to please you. Let them know when they succeed in doing that.

They can be a huge blessing to your ministry. If you will begin seeing people as potential there is no limit to the effects of your ministry. Empower them to come alongside you. When you do, you lift yourself up higher. Don't be afraid to give people room to grow. When they do, it will be to your benefit.

They don't want to block for someone who constantly drops the ball. Don't get people all pumped up and then drop the ball. Once momentum is built up, KEEP IT GOING! Follow Through!

good resource: Four Slippery Steps to Adultery

2007-12-04T19:28:00.001+08:00

Nancy C. Anderson

At work and church, in our neighborhoods and during our daily activities we all encounter people of the opposite sex who are attractive. That's not the problem. Our selfish choices after the attraction create the problem. Adultery has a progression and most people (even Christians) take these steps before they slide down the slippery slope.

I know, because I chose this path when I left my husband for a coworker named Jake. I know the lies I told myself, the selfish decisions that broke my husband's heart and the sins I committed. I also know the healing and restoration that took place when I confessed, broke off the affair, and found forgiveness from my husband and God. Although I have healed, there are scars that remain, even 25 years later, so I pray you will learn from my mistakes as you consider these progressive elements of adultery.

An Unguarded Mind

This is the "What if....." stage where your thoughts begin to grow unchecked. Asking yourself questions like I wonder if he thinks I'm attractive? or thinking I hope she sits near me during the meeting.

Perhaps you try to manipulate your schedule or activities to create more opportunities for contact. Nothing inappropriate has happened yet, but you think about the possibilities. If you allow this to continue, your emotions will grow, the fantasies will take root, and you'll think about the other person in romantic or sexual situations.

Solution: If an inappropriate thought pops into your head, do NOT allow it to linger. Quickly remove yourself from any tempting situations. Follow the advice in Proverbs 7: 25 "Don't let your desires get out of hand: don't let yourself think about her." Look up Philipianians 4:8 and learn how God want us to think.

An Unguarded Heart

This is the stage where your emotions run wild and you begin to lie to yourself. (In my case, I told myself I deserve to be happy.) You may start to build emotional bonds with the other person by creating excuses to spend time together. You may try to increase the positive contact and do things to please him or her. Example: If he mentions that he likes red: you may be tempted to wear a red dress or if she talks about a favorite flower, you may want to bring her one.

Solution: Ask the Lord to help you get control of your emotions and to give you a clean heart, which seeks after Him. "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded." (James 4: 8)

Consider the negative consequences if this flirtation continues: your spouse's pain, loss of respect from children, friends, and relatives, and financial losses. You may need to confess your temptation to your spouse or a trusted friend who will hold you accountable because dark secrets have less power when you bring them into the light.

An Unguarded Mouth

This step includes verbal flirtations and taking the relationship beyond theory into reality. Perhaps you begin by offering or responding to personal compliments such as, "You are the perfect match for me" or" When I'm with you, the rest of my life fades away."

Knowing that compliments are like magnets, you begin to form an attraction and create a verbal intimacy that includes whispers, code words, pet names, and intimate secrets. This can also include flirtatious or sensual/sexual email conversations and instant messages

The next verbal step is to talk about the "what if's." For example, "If I weren't married, you'd be my soul mate. "I wish I'd met you before I got married." Jake and I used to play this fantasy game: "If we could run away together, where would we go?"

Then the negative words about your current mate begin:

"My husband treats me like a maid and never compliments me."
"My wife just treats me like a paycheck and I'm not attracted to her anymore."
"My wife/husband and I are just roommates and if it weren't for the kids, I'd have left years ago."

Solution: Focus on the good things in your marriage and try to compliment your mate at least once a day. Be aware that any emails or IMs you send are not really private. If you would be ashamed to have your pastor or mother read it, don't type it. "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth." (or keyboard) (Eph 4:29)

An Unguarded Body

This is the step where emotional adultery becomes physical. Some people think that only intercourse defines adultery, but I strongly disagree. If you have intimate, sensual contact, with someone other than your spouse, it is a breach of your marriage vows. Ask yourself, if my actions were photographed, would they condemn me?

I know how exciting the forbidden kiss is and how electrifying the stolen, passionate caress is but also know how costly they are because I almost lost everything including my marriage. I walked away from my relationship with Christ as I chose to follow my selfish heart into sin. But I, like the prodigal son, came to my senses as I ran back to the Lord and He welcomed me home. Then I begged my husband's forgiveness, broke off all contact with Jake, and rebuilt my marriage. Ron and I now help couples see that no marriage is beyond God's ability to heal. For our full story read Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage.

Solution: If you've already crossed the line, stop all contact with the other person, confess your sin, ask for God's forgiveness, and follow the instruction in Romans 12:1 "Present your bodies as a living sacrifice to God." Then read and comply with 2 Corinthians 7:1 "Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God".

PRAYER: Oh Lord, purify my mind, my heart, my mouth, and my body, I want to be a clean vessel, always ready for your use, available to serve your purposes. Deliver me from evil as I flee temptation and run to the shelter of your outstretched arms. I want to be holy and set apart for you Lord. Help me to stand strong and bring honor to you and my family. Through the power of Jesus' name, I ask these things, Amen.

Ron and Nancy C. Anderson conduct seminars and retreats to encourage and equip couples to grow HEDGES around their hearts. The Andersons have been featured in national media such as Montel Williams, The 700 Club, and FamilyLife Today with Dennis Rainey. For more information about Nancy's book, Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome, or to inquire about Ron and Nancy speaking at your event, their website is: www.RonAndNancyAnderson.com.

How to Turn Thanksgiving into Thanksliving

2007-11-17T21:35:00.001+08:00

Adrian Rogers

Love Worth Finding

"Oh that men would praise the Lord for His goodness and for His wonderful works to the children of men and let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving."

Now, if you don't mind writing in your Bible would you underscore those phrases right there, "the sacrifices of thanksgiving" and "declare His works with rejoicing."

Now, it has been said that talk is cheap. We thank the Lord and we say Lord, we're so thankful, we're so grateful for all that you've done for us. Well, do you know what we need to do? We need to turn Thanksgiving into Thanks-living. That is, to offer to God the sacrifices of thanksgiving.

Now, if we're thankful it really ought to show in our lives, and by the way, I don't believe that there's any other sin quite like the sin of ingratitude. Shakespeare said, "How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child." Those of you who have loved and labored and invested much in the health and lives of your children know how grieved you are when your children do not seem to appreciate or to be thankful for the sacrifices that parents have made. Mothers who have gone down in the valley of the shadow of death to bring these precious children into this world and dads who have labored long and hard, what a sacrifice.

And I think Shakespeare was right. The poet Milton, the blind poet, he said that a person with an ungrateful spirit only has one vice, he said because all of the rest of his vices are virtues compared to ingratitude. Every other sin is a virtue compared to the sin of ingratitude.

How terrible not to be grateful to God, and yet in America all around we can find those who are grumbly hateful rather than humbly grateful. Well, how can we translate our Thanksgiving today into Thanks-living? Well, we're to offer to God what the bible calls the "sacrifices of thanksgiving."

Now, over in First Peter chapter two, don't turn to it, but First Peter chapter two tells of those of us who are saved are priests. You're looking at a Baptist priest. Have you ever seen a Baptist priest before? I'm a Baptist priest, and you're a priest. Now, I don't walk into my collar, I back into my collar, but I'm still a Baptist priest, and you are a priest. All of those of us who are saved are priests of God, and every priest ought to be able to offer sacrifices to the Lord. Peter tells us that because we're priests, we're to offer up spiritual sacrifices.

I've gone through God's word and I've found five spiritual sacrifices, sacrifices that you can offer all this week and the rest of your life as unto the Lord. I'm going to call them today the sacrifices of Thanksgiving and I want you to make a little checklist, maybe put it in your bible and see, "Am I continually offering to the Lord these five spiritual sacrifices that we're going to call today the sacrifices of Thanksgiving?" because I want say again that talk is cheap.

You can say, "Oh we're thankful and eat a big meal and watch football." Now, folks, it ought to go a little further than that. You ought to have more in your Thanksgiving than stuffing yourself and then becoming a couch potato. You need to do something else besides that in order to show how thankful to God you are.

We're going to do a little Bible searching. Let's turn first of all to Romans chapter twelve, and I want to talk to you about presenting yourself as a sacrifice. Romans chapter twelve, there is what I'm going to call the sacrifice of your very person, of yourself.

Look if you will in verses one and two. "I beseech you therefore brethren by the mercies of God that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice wholly, acceptable unto God which is your reasonable service, and be not conformed to this world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind that ye may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

Now, notice in verse one he talks about a living sacrifice. All the way through, we're going to be talking about that word sacrifice, ok? Now, the very first sacrifice that we're going to offer is what we call a living sacrifice, which is your body. Now, why should I do that? Well, notice what the apostle Paul says, I beseech you therefore brethren. It's almost as if he's on his knees in front of you and who was speaking when Paul spoke? God was speaking. Now, often we talk about our prayer to God, this is God's prayer to man. Have you ever thought about God praying to you? That's what He's doing, he's saying I beseech you, I plead with you.

Now, if the Lord Jesus were to come and get in front of you and fold His hands and look up in your face and say I beg you do this, would you do it? Would you do it? If the Lord were to get on His knees in front of you and pray to you and ask you to do something? That's what He's doing right here, the Lord is beseeching you.

Here's the reason for it, "By the mercies of God," on the basis of what God has done for you. Why should I give my body to Him? Because He gave His body for me. He uffered, bled and died upon that cross and when we drove those nails into His hands his quivering heart was saying I love you, I love you. Those nails were my sins and my hard heart was the hammer that drove those nails into the palms of Jesus, and yet He suffered and bled and died for our sins.

All of Romans, chapter one right on up to chapter twelve, tells us about the mercies of God, and then the apostle Paul says, "I beseech you therefore brethren because of the mercies of God, because of God's goodness that you present your bodies to him." You see, drops of grief can never repay the debt of love I look, I owe, here Lord, I give myself away, 'tis all that I can do.

Now, that's the reason for it, and what is the requirement of it? How must I give myself of him? Well, let me suggest three ways as this Thanksgiving season you want to present a living sacrifice to the Lord.

Well, the very first thing I want to say is that you must do it voluntarily. Nobody can make you do it. You see the words "ye present." Do you see the word "present?" That's the word for a man joining an army voluntarily. Now, there are two ways to get in the Army. You can go down and present yourself or they can draft you, huh? Now, He's talking here about a voluntary, a volunteer.

There's nobody can make you do this. You must do it willingly. So, that's the first thing. You must willingly say here Lord, of my own free will I present myself. Have you done that? Have you just laid yourself upon the altar?

Now, secondly not only must you do it willingly, but you must do it completely, now that you present your body as a living sacrifice, wholly. Now that word W H 0 L L Y is akin to our word W H 0 L E, which means complete, that you give yourself completely. Have you done this? Completely?

You see, look, a sacrifice doesn't have any more plans of it's own, a sacrifice will be slain. We're to die to the old way. My wife, my children, my home, my car, my vacation, my future, my bank account, my ambitions, they all belong to the Lord. Have you done that? Have you just said, here Lord, I give myself away, 'tis all that I can do, I do it completely, I do it voluntarily and, dear friend, not only was it voluntary, not only was it complete, but let me tell you something else about a sacrifice.

Now, there was the Old Testament animal sacrifice. The New Testament sacrifice is compared to that.

The Old Testament animal sacrifice, after it was slain it was bound to the altar. The bible says bind the sacrifice to the altar. Do you know why it was bound to the altar? Because it would tend to slide off.

Have you ever picked up a piece of freshly killed meat? It's slippery, it's slippery, and so there were two flesh hooks and those flesh hooks would bind that sacrifice to the altar. Have you ever made a commitment to the Lord and then tend to slide off the altar? Have you? I have many times. I mean, I've told the Lord, I have bowed and declared and said, "Lord, that's the last time I'll ever do that," or I've said, "Lord, from now on I'm going to do this everyday. God, you can count on me," and I just kind of slide off the altar. Do you ever slide off the altar? You see, look, we need to be bound to the altar if we're going to have a living sacrifice.

The priest had two flesh hooks. Let me mention two flesh hooks that will keep you bound to the altar. Number one is devotion, your love for Jesus, and number two is discipline. Those are the two flesh hooks that will keep you on the altar, devotion and discipline, devotion and discipline. One is not a substitute for the other, but together they'll keep you bound to that altar so that you will stay locked in place, a living sacrifice, by devotion and discipline, staying there giving yourself to the Lord. Offer yourself this Thanksgiving to the LORD and say, "Lord, before I give you anything else I give you myself completely."

You know, a lot of us don't want to be bound to the altar. I'll guarantee you we don't. That's the reason some men don't get married. They don't want to get bound down to marriage, huh? Sure, they want to stay free, they want to be loose. That's the reason why some folks won't join a church.

Did you know we have folks here this morning when they ought to come and join this church? Do you know why they won't join the church? They love to drop in and visit but they don't want the responsibility of church membership.

That's the reason why some people won't teach a class. Some of you have the gift of teaching but you say, "You know pastor, we've a cottage over thus and such a place, we don't want to get bound down." You know, that's the reason why some folks won't make a pledge to the building program.

They say, "Well now kook, I just don't believe in making commitment. Hahaha, they're married, they've got a mortgage on the house, a mortgage on the car, they don't believe in making commitments. What they mean is they believe in making commitments to everybody else except for Jesus.

They just don't want to make a commitment to the most important thing. You know, I'll give as the spirit moves but I just don't want to be bound down, huh? Hey, I think it's pretty good to be bound down. I think it's pretty good to get devotion and discipline and say I am giving myself and I am making a commitment.

Alright now, let me mention another kind of a sacrifice. Remember we're talking about the sacrifices of thanksgiving. First of all, your person. Now, right behind that should come the sacrifice of your praise.

Turn with me to Hebrews chapter thirteen, Hebrews chapter thirteen and look if you will in verse fifteen. "By him therefore" and the him refers to Jesus, "By him therefore let us offer up the sacrifice of praise." Underscore it, "the sacrifice of praise." Have you ever thought of your praise as being a sacrifice?

The sacrifice of praise to God continually. That is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks unto His name. This is a wonderful, wonderful sacrifice.

Folks, when you offer the sacrifice of praise, I'm going to tell you something that may amaze you. God had rather have your praise than your money. Your praise is of more value to God than whatever you put in the offering plate this morning, that is, if it is genuine praise.

I found a verse that proves that. Psalm sixty-nine, verses thirty and thirty-one, don't turn to it, let me read it to you. "I will praise the name of God with a song and will magnify Him with thanksgiving. This also shall please the Lord better than an ox or a bullock that have thorns and hooves."

Do you know how much an ox was worth in this day? That would be like your going and saying, "I'm going to give my car. I 'm going to give my Cadillac. I'm going to give my Oldsmobile." An ox was extremely valuable. A man who had an ox was a wealthy man, but God says here that your praise, your psalm of thanksgiving will please the Lord more than your material gifts.

Now, I want to tell you that praise is no substitute for your material gifts, and we're going to see that later on, but I'm saying this morning, if you could only understand how important your praise is and your praise ought to be a way of life.

Look at our verse again, verse fifteen. "By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God." What's that next word? Continually, continually. Listen to me. You do not come to church to praise the Lord. You're to bring your praise with you to church. You don't commence your praise here. You continue your praise here. You are to praise the Lord continually, and the reason that some of us do such a poor job of praising God when we come to church to praise him corporately is we have been praising him privately.

Psalm 34, verse one. "I will bless the Lord at all times. His praise shall continually be in my mouth." And we're to come to the Lord's house today and just worship the Lord, and we're to worship Him, not grudgingly. Nobody ought to have to beg us to sing. Brother Whitmire, it ought to break your heart that you should have to stand before a congregation of people who are suppose to be saved and know Jesus and plead with them to worship, beg them to sing. No wonder the songwriter said, "Let those refuse to sing who never knew our God," That you should have to be coerced to sing. The bible says in Psalm 119:108 "Accept, I beseech thee, the free will offerings of my mouth." The free will offerings of my mouth. God help us to offer to him the sacrifice of praise.

Now, there's a third sacrifice I want to mention. First of all, remember we give our bodies as a living sacrifice, that's our person. Secondly there's the offering to God, the sacrifice of praise, that's just the fruit of our lips, continually. It means more, ladies and gentleman, than your giving your wealth. It is to give your worship to our great God.

Now, here's the third thing and very closely akin to our praise but not exactly the same is our prayer, our prayer. That's the third sacrifice of Thanksgiving, and that is our prayer--our person, our praise and now our prayer.

Let me give you the verse, are you ready for it? Psalm 141:2. Listen to it, listen to it, "Let my prayer be set forth before thee as incense." Now, if you again don't mind marking your bible, underscore the word incense, "and the lifting of my hands as the evening sacrifice." There's our word sacrifice again. In all of these scriptures we have the word sacrifice. Psalm 141:2. "The lifting of my hands as the evening sacrifice."

Now, your prayer is to be like two things. Number one, it is to be like incense, and number two, it is to be like the evening sacrifice. Now, what does this mean? What is incense? Incense is perfume that, in order for that perfume to be released, it has to be put on the fire. It is burned, and as it is burned, the aroma is perfume that just goes up in smoke.

Now, your prayer ─ the Bible tells us in Revelation chapter five that the prayers, that incense is the prayer of the saints. Incense in the Old Testament that ascends, that sweet smelling smoke that goes up is like our prayer that goes up to God.

The Old Testament Jews worshipped in the tabernacle, and if you were to walk in the front door of the tabernacle, you would come into the tabernacle. And as you approach the tabernacle there in that outer court is a great altar made of brass that was called the brazen altar. There was a fire in that altar, and that fire was kindled from heaven.

Now, it's very important that you understand this. Aaron, the high priest and others, they didn't strike a match and light that fire. Of course, they had no matches, but they couldn't light it with fire from any other fire or lightening or anything else. That fire had to be kindled from heaven. It was holy fire from that brass altar.

Now, you come in, it was on that altar that the animals were burned and consumed that pictured Jesus dying for our sins, that fire from heaven pictures the wrath of God, the holy wrath of God against sin. Then you walk into that tabernacle and in that tabernacle on one side would be a beautiful candelabra. On the other side would be a table with bread on it, called show bread that the priest would eat. And the altar pictures Christ, our sacrifice, the show bread pictures Christ our sustenance that we feed on Him, and then over here the candelabra pictures Christ our sight. Christ our sacrifice, Christ our sustenance, Christ our sight, and then we come to another altar which was a golden altar.

Now, this golden altar is right in front of a curtain and behind that curtain is the Holy of holies. The golden altar was the altar of incense. As the priest would come in morning and evening to trim the lamps, he would first go and he would offer incense upon that golden altar.

But now, let me tell you, that the fire in the golden altar was kindled by fire from the brazen altar. It's very important you understand this, that the priest always had to make certain that the fire that was in this altar was the fire that was in that altar, and the fire in that altar was fire from heaven. Now, he would come in with this incense, which was especially concocted for God alone and he would burn it. Now, of course if there were no fire in the altar, no incense would rise to God. If there was strange fire in the altar, now what the bible calls strange fire was fire that God did not ignite. If there was strange fire there would be swift judgment for offering to God something with strange fire, that is, fire that God did not ignite it. You say, pastor, what is all of that about?

Our aim is to get on in to the Holy of holies. Now, remember the Holy of holies is where God is. That's where the Shekinah glory of God is, right in that Holy of holies, and in that Holy of holies is where we have communion with God. It is in that Holy of holies where the, the glory of God, the Shekinah glory of God was.

Now, if this brazen altar is Christ our sacrifice, and this candlestick is Christ our sight, and this show bread is Christ our sustenance, and this is prayer is Christ our supplication, that prayer that ascends to God, that just makes way so we go into the Holy of holies with Christ our satisfaction. Do you understand?

Where we know the Lord, where we meet the Lord, where we are satisfied and the deepest longings of our heart are met, but friend, you cannot come into the holiest of holies unless you come to the altar of incense which is prayer. But wait a minute, you cannot come to the altar of incense unless you come to the brazen altar.

Don't try to alter prayer that is not prayer based on the blood of Jesus Christ. OK, we enter into the holiness by the blood of Jesus Christ, and don't try to offer any prayer that does not have in it the fire of God's sacrifice and God's holiness, and then when I come to him I can burn incense to him if that incense is based upon the blood of Jesus Christ. But the bible says if I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me. Friend, you have no basis to come to God, except by the blood, and when you come by the blood and then you come to that golden altar and you begin to pray like sweet perfume, that prayer goes to God, and that my dear friend, the Bible calls a sacrifice.

You are a priest. You are a priest. Did you offer any incense this morning? Morning and evening the priest would go into the tabernacle to trim the lamps. Have you been in there yet? I mean, you say that you love God. You say that you belong to Him. You say that you are a priest. Have you offered the sacrifice of prayer? That's a sacrifice, not just coming to God to get things done. Oh, friend, listen to our verse again. What a beautiful verse it is. Psalm 141:2, "Let thy prayer be set before thee as incense and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice."

Isn't that beautiful? Ha, the lifting of my hands is the evening sacrifice. Oh, God, just as that Old Testament priest would go in there the evening to trim the lambs, oh God, I want to go in. I want to enter into that Holy of holies, and God, I want to just lift my hands, spread my hands to you as, dear Lord, the evening sacrifice. Incense with strange fire was judged, incense with no fire is useless, that fire pictures what Jesus did for us on the cross.

All right, now, let me mention the fourth sacrifice. The first one, what was it? Our bodies, that's our person, the second, our praise, the fruit of our lips. The third, our prayer, the fourth of these spiritual sacrifices is our possessions.

Now, don't think because something is spiritual that it is has to be immaterial. We are to give our possession. Now, you're in Hebrews chapter thirteen and we read verse fifteen that speaks of the sacrifice of praise. Now, Hebrews chapter thirteen, turn back to it, yes, we've already left it, turn back to it. Hebrews chapter thirteen and verse sixteen, let's look at it. "But to do good and communicate forget not, for with such sacrifices God is well pleased." There again he uses the word sacrifice. Now, remember we're to offer the sacrifices of Thanksgiving, OK?

Now, look at it again. "With such sacrifices God is well pleased." What does the word communicate mean anyway? Does it mean to write letters to someone? Does it mean to call someone on the telephone? Well, the old King James says to communicate, so I looked it up last night in four different translations, four other translations than the King James.

One translation gives this word communicate to distribute, the other gives it to share. Another gives it to be generous, the other gives it to be liberal. So to distribute, the share, to be generous, to have a liberal spirit, that's what it means to communicate, not just to talk to people.

It means to take our material possessions, the things that God has given us, and when we come to church or when we give by whatever means or whatever mode, when we give, it is to be a spiritual sacrifice. The apostle Paul received a missionary gift from the church at Philippi, and he wrote back and said in Philippians chapter four, verse eight, "The gifts that were sent from you were a sacrifice acceptable, well pleasing to God."

And so, today you want to show your thanksgiving, show it in your giving. Does your giving really show what you think of God? It really does whether you think it or not. You know, there are some folks who come to church on Sunday and they give God a tip. They give God the crumbs. They give God the leftovers.

Do you know what a lot of folks do? I mean, they literally do this. They have their budget, they get the budget out and they say alright, we've got so much for the house payment. We've got to pay that. So much for the utilities, we have to pay that. So much for the car payment, we've got to pay that. So much for Sears, we've got to pay that. That much for so and so, let's throw Goldsmiths in, everybody can have a chance. And Dillard's, I'll quit right here, and we've got to pay that. And so we've got all these things we have to pay. Then there's, you know, tuition and these things, and they say now what's left? What's left?

Do we have anything to give God? What's left? Hey folks, do you know what you ought to do? Before you write a check to anybody or anything else, you ought to make a gift to Jesus first. Do you know what the Bible says? "Honor the Lord with the first fruits of thy increase." First fruits, not what's left. Don't give God the crumbs. Don't give God the leftovers.

Don't see if there's anything left for God. That's the problem, listen friend. God doesn't want a place in your life. Everybody says give God a place in your life. He doesn't want it.

Well, you say yes, you're right; give Him a promise in your life. He doesn't want a promise. He demands pre-imminence, pre-imminence. You're to honor the Lord with your substance and with the first fruits of all thine increase.

I was reading in Malachi, chapter one, verse eight, and this is what the Lord said to the people of his day, "You offer the blind for sacrifice, and if you offer the blind for a sacrifice, is it not evil? And if ye offer the lame and the sick, is it not evil? Offer it not unto thy governor. Would he be pleased with thee or accept thy person, saith the Lord of hosts." Do you know what they were doing? They were saying well, we've got make an offering to the Lord. We've got an old blind calf over here. Let's give that blind calf, and we've got a sick goat. That goat is not going to live anyway. Let's bring it down to the priest, and let the priest kill it. Malachi said you're offering blind animals and crippled animals to God. Why don't you take it over here and give it to the governor and see if the governor will accept it.

You know there are people─ we give to God things we wouldn't give to one another for Christmas presents or birthday presents. Try God.

Now, folks listen, we don't just give to the church because the church needs it. We don't give to a cause. It's a sacrifice to God. Friend, if there were not a need in this world, and if we just took the money that was given on Sunday and burned it up, I mean, just put in a furnace and burned it up; it'd still be a blessing just to come and give it. Do you believe that? I do.

That's what they did with the Old Testament sacrifices, they burned them up. They burned them up. They weren't giving to a need, they were giving to God. It was put on an altar and it was consumed. It didn't serve any utilitarian purpose. We just gave it because we wanted to give it to a great God as a sacrifice of His goodness to us. We need to get out of this thing saying, "Well, I don't know whether I agree with that." Me either, I don't think I'm going to give to this cause. Friend, we're giving to God. We're giving to God. It's a sacrifice to our great God, and "every man that giveth as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give, not grudgingly or of necessity." That is, you're not giving to a cause. You're not giving because somebody has made you do it, not giving grudgingly, or of necessity, "for God loveth a cheerful giver."

One last thing and I'll be finished. Not only is there the sacrifice of our possessions, one last of these five thanksgiving sacrifices, the sacrifices of thanksgiving, there is finally the sacrifice of a broken and a contrite spirit, which I want to call the sacrifice of purity.

Would you turn to Psalm 51 here for just a moment, and by the way, all of these sacrifices are based on, first of all, of what He has done for us and we just turn around and we'll do back for Him because of what He has done for us. We first love Him because He loved us. We give to Him because He first gave unto us and of Thine own have we given unto Thee.

Now, look if you will in Psalm 51:17. "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise." That's the last of these five sacrifices I want to suggest this thanksgiving. Do you have that sacrifice of a broken and a contrite spirit? Why do I call it the sacrifice of purity? Because David had sinned and what was it that broke David's heart? His sin against God. You see, God was so good, notice in Psalm fifty one, verse one. "Have mercy upon me, Oh God, according to thy loving kindness, according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions." Do you know what it was that led David to a broken spirit? Do you know what it was?

It was not David's badness, it was God's goodness, God's goodness. The Bible tells us over in the book of Romans that it is the goodness of God that leads us to repentance, not the badness of man. God is so good.

How can we sin against such love? How can you this Thanksgiving sin against one who suffered, bled and died for you? If you say you love Him, then get rid of the sin that breaks His heart, get rid of it, a broken and a contrite spirit.

Oh friend, I said that our sins were the nails that nailed Him to that tree and our hard hearts, the hammers that drove those nails, are broken in a contrite spirit thou wilt not despise. We sin in our churches ─ some Sunday mornings acting like we've done God a favor when we get here, haughty, unbent, unbroken. Oh how we ought to bow down before our great God and just say, "Oh God, in brokenness and humility, I offer, dear God, tears of repentance, and Lord, purity of life before you, and my sacrifice of Thanksgiving. Lord, you're going to see in my life dear God, there will be no unconfessed, unrepented of sin in my life."

Don't you believe, listen to me, don't you believe if the Bible says we're to offer to God the sacrifices of Thanksgiving that ought to improve our person, it ought to include our prayer, it ought to include praise, it ought to include our possessions, and it ought to include a pure life? Just say Lord, this is what I'm going to render unto the Lord for all His benefits toward me.

Fwd: How to Resolve the Four Kinds of Marital Conflict

2007-11-10T07:40:00.001+08:00

Kathy Collard Miller, D. Larry Miller

Larry Richards, Ph.D, Authors

source: Crosswalk

ROMANS 12:17–21 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Conflict often makes our beloved seem like an enemy. We can easily begin to think, "It's me against you!" when we're supposed to be on the same side. Yet when we start picking a fight with our spouse and, in effect, try to take vengeance by getting our own way, we're certainly not trusting God to fulfill his promise to work in someone's life. If we're supposed to give food and water to our enemy, then let's resolve our conflicts with our best friend--our mate! Here's how to identify the four main kinds of conflict and what to do about them:

1. Faults and Weaknesses. Everyone has faults. Faults aren't sins. Faults could be based in the weaknesses of your spouse's personality. A person who seems to talk too much is a gregarious kind of person. You may judge that she talks too much, but that's because you may not talk much at all. She is most likely thinking you don't talk enough. This is not a conflict about sin; rather, it is a lack of compassion and understanding about who God created your spouse to be.

If your conflict comes from trying to change your spouse, remember that only God can change someone. It isn't your job. Don't allow conflict to separate you emotionally because of his fault or weakness. At the same time, you can gently point out how too much talking prevents both of you from contributing to the conversation. Speaking "peaceably" means inviting a dialogue--not haranguing your spouse for what you perceive is wrong. Ask God to make any changes that he wants. Believe it or not, he might not plan to change that person at this time, and you can relax and eliminate the conflict knowing that he has his perfect timing.

2. Unintended Emotional Injury. When someone hurts your feelings and he didn't intend to (although we might think he did), we can easily fall into the trap of blaming and taking it personally. Each person thinks he is right.

It's important to express your hurt by saying something like, "I know you didn't intend to hurt me, but I felt . . . [and share your feelings]." Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. He loves you, and most of the time, what you think is meant to hurt you isn't intended that way. It was most likely a misunderstanding, or he inadvertently touched on something that is a wound within you, possibly even from childhood.

Acknowledging the underlying causes of why this "triggers" you is essential. Most often, things from our childhood are at the root. For instance, a wife was neglected by her father, and so any slight by her husband takes her back emotionally (without her knowing it) to those longings of wanting her daddy to love her. Because of this trigger, she will need to take responsibility for her own reaction. The person who inadvertently hurt his or her spouse can remember this: "The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out" (Proverbs 20:5). God wants you to compassionately invite your spouse to address her hurt and possibly her wound from the past.

The "offending" spouse will need to walk "peaceably" by not reacting in kind with anger or hurt. By keeping your cool, you will cover the situation with a calming balm. Proverbs 15:1 urges us, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

3. Preferences. During your courtship, you most likely appreciated the differences that completed you as a couple. If one of you is outgoing and friendly, the other person is most likely more reserved. You liked how your spouse made friends easily so that you didn't have to put out so much effort. But now that difference has made him or her into an enemy. You may feel that he is so friendly with everyone else that he ignores you.

Living peaceably means recognizing that a preference isn't sinful. Just because you think one way doesn't mean your spouse's opposite thinking is wrong--it's just different. Different isn't wrong. Your conflict is based in thinking that there's only one way to think about something or do something. But look at Proverbs 27:14: "If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse." If because you're an early riser you think it's pretty close to a sin to sleep in late, the Bible says you're cursing your friend. Some things just aren't in a sin category.

If your spouse thinks strongly about something, then it may be even more of a conflict if you feel that you're going to be forced to abide by your spouse's preferences. That's why you need to try to feel his passion or preference. That doesn't mean you need to change your preference, just understand how much it means to him. You may both choose to do your "own thing" separately if one person doesn't enjoy the desired activity, but leave room for both of you to do what you want at some point. Or take turns. If your conflict is about where to go on vacation, decide that one year you will go to the lake and the next year you will go to the mountains. Or find a place that has both a lake and a mountain.

If you feel that your own preferences aren't ever honored, first look at the word ever. Is that really true? Or is your spouse giving in on some things thinking she is pleasing you, except that particular thing isn't that important to you so you don't give her credit for her effort? But when you say "You never let me" or "We don't ever," your spouse may point out something that she thought she was doing for you but you hadn't noticed because it's not your important preference. This is why it's important to communicate what's valuable to you. And if your spouse tells you you're not really hearing what she says, listen! Really listen and try to feel her passion. Understand that just as your activity is important to you, so also is her activity to her.

4. Sin. When your spouse sins, he can certainly seem like the enemy. Yet Romans 12:17–21 tells us we have a choice whether to live peaceably with our enemy. That doesn't mean overlooking his sin or doing nothing about it, but it does mean having an attitude of good that isn't overcome by evil. And most of the time in conflict, evil means being angry. Being angry means that you're trying to be in control instead of allowing God to be, and that won't get you the result you want. Yes, you'll still need to call your spouse's attention to the sin. If it's horrible and terribly painful, like adultery, and your spouse refuses to remove himself from the sin, then you may need to separate legally. (Go to the chapter on adultery for further information.) But most of the time, we're dealing with sin that is grievous but not liable to end the marriage. What then can we do?

God calls us to righteousness if we are the offended party. This is not a self-righteous, I'm-better-than-you attitude, but a humble heart like the one 1 Peter 3:8–9 describes: "Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing."

Compassion means thinking, "I could do something like that, and even if I haven't, I've done something equally bad or pretty close." Sin is sin. Regardless of the degree of sin that we have committed, we've all fallen short. We all stand on equal ground before a holy God who has forgiven us. In those moments, Galatians 6:1–2 is a good reminder: "Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so ful.ll the law of Christ" (NKJV). We could have done the same thing if we were tempted in the same way.

Compassion also means forgiving our mate, but forgiving doesn't mean we're saying the sin didn't happen or that he or she shouldn't suffer the consequences of sin. But it means releasing our anger and our need to take revenge. Then set up a plan for accountability and strength for your spouse to turn from the sin so that the two of you can be reconciled.

How Others See It
Henry Cloud and John Townsend

Agree on a follow-up plan. "If I notice something again, how do you want me to help you? What do you want me to do?" This way you become a team member to deal with the problem and not a police officer. You might want to talk to him about bringing other resources to the problem as well, such as friends to hold him accountable. The important issue is that you are together as a team to fight the reoccurrence.

Becky and Roger Tirabassi give seven motivators for forgiving others:

To forgive someone benefits you.
To forgive doesn't mean you allow the person to continue to hurt you in the same way.
Most people don't intentionally try to hurt you.
God wants us to forgive others.
It won't be long before you will need to be forgiven.
Forgiveness becomes easier when you look for similar behavior in your life.
Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a decision!

Excerpted from
What's in the Bible for Couples © 2007 by Kathy Collard Miller, D. Larry Miller, and Larry Richards, Ph.D. Copyright © 2007; ISBN 9780764203848

Used by permission of Bethany House Publishers. Used by permission. Unauthorized duplication prohibited.

Quotes: future

2007-11-07T13:28:00.001+08:00

"Show me someone who doesn't dream about the future and I'll show you someone who doesn't know where they are going"

"I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life." GB

"My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there" Charles F. Kettering

(American engineer, inventor of the electric starter, 1876-1958)

"For tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today"

African Proverb

"When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people:

those who let it happen,

those who make it happen,

and those who wonder what happened." JMR

Crowns Awaiting God's Children

2007-11-07T12:50:00.001+08:00

Hey helpmeets,

We're placing this in our bulletin next sunday. Thought i'd share it in case you would have a use for it :)

For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things DONE IN THE BODY, according to what He has done, whether good or bad." (2 Corinthians 5:10)

Most Christians really do not realize the seriousness of this verse - that we are all going to have to give an account to Jesus for everything that we have ever done down here on this earth - all of the good with all of the bad.

"... and each one will receive His own reward ACCORDING TO HIS OWN LABOR." (1 Corinthians 3:8)

This verse is telling us that the rewards given to us by God will be totally dependent on what we accomplish for Him while living down here on this earth.

"And behold, I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, to give to everyone ACCORDING TO HIS WORK." (Revelation 22:12)

"... I am He who searches the minds and hearts. And I will give to each one of you ACCORDING TO YOUR WORKS." (Revelation 2:23)

Crowns Awaiting God's Children: How many will you have?

1. Crown of Righteousness: for love of Christ's Return

given to all who have loved His appearing, who have lived a good and righteous life for God on earth.

2 Tim 4:7-8

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Finally, there is laid up for me the CROWN OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing." (2 Timothy 4:7-8)

2. Incorruptible Crown: the crown of self-denial

given to those focused on finishing the race. 1 Cor. 9:24-27

"Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an IMPERISHABLE CROWN. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified." (1 Corinthians 9:24-27)

3. Crown of Life: the martyr's crown

given to those who undergo severe hardship, testing, tribulation and/or physical death on His behalf. Rev2:10

"Do not fear any of those things which you are about to suffer. Indeed, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and you will have tribulation ten days. Be faithful until death, and I will give you the CROWN OF LIFE." (Revelation 2:10)

4. Crown of Rejoicing: the soul-winner's crown

given to those who have been instrumental in getting other people saved. 1 Thess 2:19,20

"For what is our hope, or joy, or CROWN OF REJOICING? Is it not even you in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ at His coming? For you are our glory and joy." (1 Thessalonians 2:19-20)

5. Crown of Glory: the undershepherd's crown

given to the elders of the church to "shepherd" the flock of God. Shepherds lead the flock into the ways and knowledge of God. They are teachers. These could be the Sunday school teachers, the pastors and ministers who teach the Word of God in their ministries or people appointed by God into the office of a teacher. 1 Peter 5:1-45. 5. Crown of Glory: the undershepherd's crown

"The elders who are among you I exhort, I who am a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, and also a partaker of the glory that will be revealed.

SHEPHERD THE FLOCK OF GOD which is among you, serving as overseers, not by constraint but willingly, not for dishonest gain but eagerly; nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock; and when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the CROWN OF GLORY that does not fade away." (1 Peter 5:1-4)

for the complete discussion:

http://www.bible-knowledge.com/Rewards-in-Heaven.html

Recipes

2007-11-06T22:22:00.001+08:00

posted at the ministry wives support group board.

source: Elizabeth Beck

recipe main site: northpole.com

Thanks helpmeet!

The holidays are just around the corner, this might be handy to have!This is remarkable! Even if you have no particular interest, please pass on to the bakers in your life. They'll appreciate it. Just click on the name of the cookie and bam the recipe is there. Good to keep handy !

When Our Plans Aren't God's Plans

2007-11-06T20:47:00.001+08:00

Cliff Young

Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer

Do you ever look at your life and wonder how you got where you are? Do you ever compare your life to your friends' or neighbors' lives? Do you ever wonder if you'll ever reach those goals that you set for yourself or realize the dreams that you have?

Me too.

I'm a planner by nature … and by habit … and by profession. I like to know where I am, where I'm going and what's going to happen. You can call it being in control or you can call it being a control freak. I'm not one who rebels against changes, but they should all be within the boundaries of MY plan.

Do you know anyone like that? Are you like that? Fortunately for me (and those around me) I'm learning to not be "that" extreme anymore. I used to think that I could plan out my whole life and live it accordingly. Oftentimes, my plans unraveled and I would find myself wondering …

Why did my plans go wrong?
Did I make a wrong turn somewhere that led me down this road?
Are my dreams not going to be realized?
Why me?!

According to Proverbs 16:9 (often quoted by "non-planners"), "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."

I not only "planned" my course in my heart, but also in my mind, body, spirit, on paper and on my calendar! By the time that I graduated from college, I had my whole life laid out before my eyes. One thing that I didn't "plan" on being at this point in my schedule was SINGLE!

For many of us, our "plans" haven't worked out exactly according to our calendars and PDAs. For many of us, it's a constant adjustment to what we had "thought" or "planned." For many of us, something happened that was totally out of our control.

So, how have you reacted?

Complain? Question? Curse?

Job didn't "plan" on losing his family, his wealth, and his livelihood. He didn't plan on being raided, having fireballs fall from the sky killing his livestock, having a tornado hit his family's house killing his sons and daughters, and being inflicted with boils. He reacted to his situation as many of us probably would have (or do each day when the "unexpected" happens).

"I am disgusted with my life. Let me complain freely. I will speak in the bitterness of my soul" (Job 10:1).
"Why do you reject me, the work of your own hands, while sending joy and prosperity to the wicked? (Job 10:3).
"Cursed be the day of my birth, and cursed be the night when I was conceived" (Job 3:3).

Job's wife, who was in the midst of the same suffering, said, "Are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Curse God and die" (Job 2:9).

If there was anyone who felt as if he had control over his plans and future, it would have been Job. Here was a man who, according to most standards, was a success. He had a large family, wealth beyond what any of us could imagine, and his health. Beyond that the Lord said, "He is the finest man in all the earth—a man of complete integrity. He fears God and will have nothing to do with evil" (Job 1:8). In other words, he "had it all."

"But they do not know the Lord's thoughts or understand his plan" (Micah 4:12).

At one time or another in everyone's life, we all face disappointment and plans that don't meet our expectations. If you ever think that you're the only person on earth that has had their plans and dreams shattered, it only takes one episode of auditions from American Idol to confirm that "you are not alone."

Emil Zatopek, Four-time Olympic gold medalist, may have prophesied about future American Idol contestants or many of us when he said:

"You can't climb up to the second floor without a ladder. When you set your aim too high and don't fulfill it, then your enthusiasm turns to bitterness."

Lofty goals and aiming high isn't wrong, in fact a lot of people probably don't shoot high enough. The question, "How do you deal with disappointment and unfulfilled expectations?" arises when our standards aren't met and the plans we make don't work out.

I wonder …

How many of us have had our enthusiasm for something (or somebody) turn into resentment and bitterness?
How many of us still carry baggage from our childhood, from a former job, or from a past relationship?
How many of us are allowing disappointments from yesterday to impact our lives negatively today?

Outcome

Job wasn't immune to speaking his peace. After many days of questions and complaints from Job, God answered him.

"Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorant words? Brace yourself, because I have some questions for you, and you must answer them. Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me, if you know so much. Do you know how its dimensions were determined and who did the surveying? What supports its foundations, and who laid its cornerstone as the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy? Who defined the boundaries of the sea as if burst from the womb, and as I clothed it with clouds and thick darkness? …" (Job 37-41).

Job replied to the Lord, "I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you. You ask, 'Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?' It is I. And I was talking about things I did not understand, things far too wonderful for me?" (Job 42:1-3).

Are you discouraged, discontent, bitter? The disgruntlement and baggage from expectations not met can take away from the joy and the future that the Lord has, wants, and "plans" for each one of us. That joy often comes in ways we could never imagine or envision for ourselves.

Could the elder Abraham and Sarah have planned on conceiving a baby in their later years? (Genesis 21)
Could the barren Hannah have planned on her womb being opened so she could conceive a baby? (1 Samuel 1)
Could the widowed and childless Ruth have planned on remarrying a wealthy landowner and bearing a son? (Ruth 4)

How?

Despite Job's outbursts of frustration and exasperation, he never lost faith and he never denounced God.

"At least I can take comfort in this: Despite the pain, I have not denied the words of the Holy One" (Job 6:10).

Abraham, Hannah, and Ruth never lost their faith either. They continued to pray and rely upon the Lord during their grief.

"Then Abraham prayed to God …" (Genesis 20:17).
"….For I (Hannah) have been praying out of great anguish and sorrow" (1 Samuel 1:16).
(Boaz to Ruth) "May the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge, reward you fully" (Ruth 2:12).

The interesting thing about Job's case is that he never gets "answers" to his questions, but he does get a renewed vision of God, and died "an old man who had lived a long, good life" (Job 42:17).

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope" (Jeremiah 29:11).

Many times you hear that passage quoted alone, but we really need to read on to receive the full instructions of that passage.

"'In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me. I will be found by you,' says the Lord" (Jeremiah 29:12-14).

The Lord does not hide from us in times of need. Oftentimes, we may be so wrapped up in ourselves and the situation that we don't even see the Lord in the midst of it.

The next time you find yourself feeling alone or on a path that you didn't plan on, seek the Lord, take refuge in Him, and spend time in prayer. Ask Him to help you conform your "plans" to His plans for your life.

Cliff Young is a contributing writer to Sandlot Stories (ARose Books). An architect and former youth worker, he now works with Christian musicians and consults for a number of Christian ministries. Got feedback? Send your comments and questions to CYdmg@yahoo.com.

Are You Controlling Your Teen Too Much?

2007-11-06T06:55:00.001+08:00

Mark Gregston

HeartLight Ministries

personal/ministry resource

source : Crosswalk

includes some tips/suggestions at the end of the article

Practice makes perfect - especially in music. We parents hear a child practice, make mistakes, practice, make some more mistakes. But eventually, with enough practice, they get it right, and we jump for joy. The same is true for decision-making. With enough practice, your child can learn to become a good decision-maker, and to become mature, responsible, and trustworthy.

Handing over some control, and setting good boundaries is essential to fostering maturity in your teen. However, we parents often don't realize that unless we allow our child to take full responsibility for their behavior by facing consequences, our teenagers will remain immature. I deal with this constantly in my work with struggling teens and their parents, who wonder why their teen is so out of control.

At the heart of this issue is one central theme - consequences. If you wonder why teenagers behave irresponsibly, well, it's because they are irresponsible. And, they will not become responsible or mature, or wise, until they engage in the process of dealing with the consequences of their choices and behavior. It is a cycle that needs to happen over and over before a teen comes to full maturity.

Sometimes a parent says, "Wouldn't it be best to wait until I trust my child till I give them more responsibility or control, then they won't have such difficult consequences?" My answer is that if you wait until you trust them, you will never give them any responsibility. You never will. And, they won't learn how to face consequences and learn from them, or the consequences do face late on will be of a much more serious nature.

Don't Wait…Start Early

Building responsibility and good decision-making takes practice, and you have to start earlier than you think. It is a learned process. As the writer of Hebrews says, "But solid food is for the mature, who, because of practice (constant use) have their senses trained to discern good and evil." Hebrews 5:14

Start by giving responsibilities early. Give them a checkbook in the sixth grade. Give them a debit card with their allowance on it so they learn early how to manage it. Get an alarm clock and let them wake themselves up for school every morning. Let them keep a calendar and be responsible to let you know in advance when they need transport to and from events. Then, don't take them if you don't discuss it in advance. The consequence of not communicating about the calendar is, "you don't get to go."

When they begin driving, agree to periodically put money on a gas card. Then when they prematurely run out of their gas allowance, don't give them more. I guarantee it will be the last time they run out. In the process they will figure out how to manage their gas money.

The idea here is to stop helping teenagers so much - not the way you have helped them when they were younger. While a major responsibility of good parenting is certainly to control and protect our children, parents must make room for their older children to make mistakes. You help a teen best by letting them deal with the natural results of their decision, and then letting them figure out how to get back up.

In most cases, a parent takes control because they see an absence of a child's self-control and there is a display of immaturity and irresponsibility. Parents of troubled teens often feel forced into the mode of over-control.

Avoiding Over-Control

Over-control happens when otherwise loving parents protect their children from the consequences of their mistakes, or by having too-strict rules and limits (Example: Not wanting them to be with others for fear of them learning bad habits, getting hurt, etc.)

Over-controlled children are more likely to have problems with peer dependence, relationship enmeshment conflicts and difficulty setting and keeping firm boundaries. They may also have problems taking risks and being creative.

Every culture on earth has a proverb that resembles this one: If you rescue them once, you will just have to rescue them again.

Handing teenagers control and allowing them to face the consequences of their own decisions means:

They may get an "F" on their homework when they don't turn in homework. When they get enough F's, they will flunk the class. If they flunk the class, they will have to make it up in summer school. If they don't make it up in summer school, they won't graduate. (Believe me, I've seen it happen just this way.)
They may have to walk to school, pay for a cab, or miss an entire day when they don't get up in time to make the bus. If they miss school, they miss the fun after school or this weekend as well. Don't write the excuse that gets them out of the consequences.
If they serve detention, then let them miss the football game on Friday night as well.
If they use the Internet to promote an inappropriate image or lifestyle, disconnect it for a period of time.
Should they be arrested and it is obvious that they or the friends they were hanging around with are at fault, let them sit in jail for awhile. Don't bail them out right away. Sitting in jail can have a sobering affect on their thinking and force them to reevaluate their life's direction.
If they are ticketed for speeding, not wearing their seat belt, being out past the lcoal curfew, or other infractions of the law, let them figure out how to pay the fine, as well as how to get to work the next day, since they will not be driving your car.
Let them help pay for their insurance and gas when they are ready to start driving. Don't even get them their license until they can pay their portion of the first quarter of insurance.
Pay for college as long as they maintain their grades at a level you both agree. If grades become unsatisfactory, then let them pay for the next semester. If you are paying for college, tell them the schools you are willing to pay for. If they wish to attend elsewhere, they can pay for it
If they spend their money foolishly, don't buy them the things they need. Let them figure out how to pay for those things (like extra gas money). Doing without may teach them to stop spending foolishly.
If they are dabbling in drugs or alcohol, require them to pass periodic and unannoucned drug and alcohol tests as a requirement to live in your house.
Let them decide how to pay for college next semester if this semester they spent more time partying than studying. And don't finance an apartment or a car if they continue with that lifestyle. Let them decide how to finance that lifestyle themselves.
Turn off the TV, remove the TV, or cancel your cable if staying away from viewing inappropriate content is a problem for them. Loss of the TV is an appropriate consequence.

What it doesn't mean is that you are a being bad parent by allowing these consequences to happen. Letting them experience consequences for poor reasoning is the best thing you can do for a teenager.

Pre-teens are just a few short years away from driving, earning, and spending. Make it your goal to create the environment where they learn responsibility, and grow into maturity. You want them to experience the Fruit of the Spirit, which is self-control, with the ability to make good decisions, and not be controlled by unhealthy things.

Are you willing to begin to relinquish control and therefore help your teenager find out who he is and who God desires for him to be? It doesn't mean you stop helping your child. It means that you wait to be invited into the problem-solving process, and even then you don't solve problems for them. You let them face the music and experience the consequences of their own decisions. You set new boundaries, and let them move in the direction they decide works best for them.

You may have to repeat this process several times before your teen gets it right, so hang in there. Eventually he or she will get it, learn how to make good decisions, and avoid consequences.

Mark Gregston is a radio host, author and the Founder and Executive Director of Heartlight Ministries. To read more of his blogs on parenting troubled teens, please visit www.markgregston.com/. He can be reached at 903-668-2173 or markgregston@heartlightministries.org.

Guard Your Marriage against the Subtle Serpent

2007-11-06T06:52:00.001+08:00

Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg

America's Family Coaches

ministry or personal resource

Don't look now, but there is someone who is dead set against you and your spouse enjoying a happy, fulfilling marriage. No, we're not talking about your in-laws or an old, jealous boyfriend or girlfriend –we certainly hope these people aren't against you! We're talking about someone very hateful, powerful, and devious. We're talking about God's archenemy and the enemy of your soul. We're talking about Satan.

Now, maybe you're wondering, "What's so special about my marriage that the devil himself is out to ruin it?" Here's the bottom line: Your marriage is God's creation, and your family is God's joy. And that's why the Devil is out to destroy it. It is vital that you guard your hearts and your marriage from the devil's ongoing assault.

Throughout the Bible, God uses marriage as an object lesson for his desired relationship with humankind. Solomon's love poem illustrates the kinds of relationship God wants between you and Himself – and you and your spouse. It says, "I am my lover's, and my lover is mine" (Song of Songs 6:3).

That's what your marriage is supposed to look like: a husband and wife totally devoted to and absorbed in one another. When you love your spouse sacrificially and unconditionally according to the guidelines of Scripture and when he or she loves you the same way, you are modeling for all to see the essence of how God wants to be involved with us.

God wants your marriage to paint a true picture. He wants your kids to see a dad and mom so devoted to each other and to them that they say, "Wow! So that's how much God loves me." He wants your neighbors, work associates, and friends to see how you humbly serve one another and say, "Amazing! So that's what it means to serve God." No wonder Satan wants to deface this image by ruining your marriage – or at least keeping it from becoming all it can be!

How does Satan seek to devour your marriage? One of his primary weapons is the godless culture we live in. You can talk all you want to about America as a "Christian nation," but there is a lot going on in American culture that is working against the health and success of your marriage. And if you fail to guard against these subtle – and sometimes blatant – influences, this world will drain the vitality and passion from your marriage relationship. What influences are we talking about?

The media. When was the last time you flipped on a television drama, viewed a movie at the theater, or read a secular novel that didn't glorify adultery or an illicit affair in some manner? And even when infidelity and dishonesty in marriage isn't glorified in these presentations, it is at least accepted and condoned as "normal." At the same time, wholesome, monogamous marriages are often pictured as anemic or boring.

The lives of the "rich and famous," the people our culture idolizes and seeks to emulate – movie stars, television personalities, recording artists, and politicians. Yes, there are a number of people in the public eye who are known for staying married and remaining faithful. But these are not the couples who get the media coverage. Rather, we are bombarded with the sordid details of celebrity "bedroom bingo": who is sleeping with whom, who is cheating on whom, who is divorcing whom, who is having whose "love child" out of wedlock, and so on. You can't get through a grocery store checkout line without the headlines glaring at you from the sleazy tabloids.

Pornography. Countless numbers of magazines, books, videos, adult "superstores," and Internet Web sites promote unbridled sexual expression. Through it all comes Satan's dark, diabolical suggestion: "Why work so hard at building a marriage when you can spend your life in pleasure with all these toys?"

You may say, "We're Christians, so the culture doesn't influence us that much." If Satan's influence through the culture didn't affect believers, we wouldn't need the clear instruction found in 1 John 2:15-16, which is written to Christians: "Stop loving this evil world and all that it offers you, for when you love the world, you show that you do not have the lover of the Father in you. For the world offers only the lust for physical pleasure, the lust for everything we see, and pride in our possessions. These are not from the Father. They are from this evil world."

The devil probably knows he can't convince you to dump your spouse and run off with another man or woman. But he will try to keep that option looking attractive to you through the media and other means. He will do his best to stoke the fires of lust enough to distract you from full devotion to your spouse. And if he can keep you distracted by the world's view of marriage and sex, your marriage will be much less than it could be – which suits him just fine.

We're not advocating that you take a sledge hammer to your TV, torch all your paperback novels, or swear off attending movies. But as a couple you must exercise guarding love by holding each other accountable to verses like Romans 12:2, "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think."

We are stuck in this world for now. But as Jesus said, we are not of this world any more than he is of this world. The distractions are strong and plentiful. But guarding love find a way to make it through together without being devoured by Satan. Solomon's instructions in Proverbs 4:25-27 are key: "Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; then stick to the path and stay safe. Don't get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil."

Portions of this article were adapted from "Renewing Your Love," Copyright 2003 by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg, all rights reserved. Published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., www.tyndale.com. To order this resource or to find our more about Dr. Gary and Barb – Your Marriage Coaches, visit www.drgaryandbarb.com or call 1-888-608-COACH.

Married over 30 years, the parents of two adult daughters and four grandchildren, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg, your marriage coaches, have a unique blend of insight and wisdom that touch people of all ages. Together with Gary's 25,000 hours of counseling experience and Barbara's gift of encouragement and biblical teaching, they are equipping thousands of families across the nation through their interactive daily radio program, conferences, and marriage and family resources.

Carefully Considering Our Relationships

2007-10-27T09:49:00.001+08:00

by Carolyn Mahaney

source: CW

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." Ephesians 5:15-16

This verse could well be the theme verse for our series: "The Disciplined Woman ." It's not a verse, however, that we might initially connect with Habit #3: "She focuses on right relational priorities for every season."

Relationships. A highly important topic to us as women, is it not? We are, by nature, relational creatures. We thrive on interaction with others and wither apart from it. Our world is often centered on our family and friends. The people in our lives usually consume a majority of our time and thoughts.

Yet, we are often more passive and receptive than we are intentional and purposeful in our relationships. We may allow people to drift in and out of our lives. We don't usually pause to consider our motives for developing a certain friendship or neglecting another. Emotions and feelings sometimes play far too significant a role in why and how we go about relationships.

Scripture would call us to "look carefully then how you walk" and whom we walk with! We must prayerfully consider our relational priorities in the light of God's priorities. Do our relationships -- the people we choose to interact with, the time we spend, the content of our interactions -- bring glory to God?

Over the years, I have used a simple exercise to help me evaluate my own relationships. Approximately twice a year I set aside time for planning and evaluation (we'll talk more about this when we hit habit #4). Among many other topics, I consider my relationships.

It's pretty straightforward really. I make a list of all the people in my life at present. Beginning with my husband, I list all the members of my family. After family, I write out the names of the people in my small group at church, followed by other friendships, both local and out of town. Finally, I consider and list those people who I am seeking to reach out to for the purpose of evangelism.

When I've finished my relational catalog, I begin by thanking God for the many people who are such a blessing in my life. I don't deserve family and friends like this! But thanking God for the blessing of relationships is only the first step.

Carefully Considering Your List

So you've got your "Relationship List" in hand. Are you ready to proceed with our little exercise?

After we've thanked God for the blessing of family and friends we are ready to evaluate our relationships in light of Scripture.

First of all, let's consider the following two questions:

Is there anyone not on this list who should be?

For example, if we're not cultivating evangelistic relationships (Col. 4:5-6 ), or seeking to encourage younger women ( Titus 2:3), or reaching out to new people ( Heb. 13:2), then God would have us make such relationships a priority.

And:

Is there anyone on this list who should not be?

If, for instance, someone is an ungodly influence, we need to graciously sever that friendship ( 1 Cor. 15:33). Or if there are an excessive number of friends on our list ( Prov. 18:24), then maybe we need to consider focusing our attention on fewer godly relationships.

Priority relationships shouldn't primarily be based on whom we "click with" or enjoy hanging out with the most, or even those who "need" us the most. Rather, our relationships should spring primarily from a desire to grow in godliness, encourage godliness in others, and share the gospel with the lost.

So, after we have the priority people on our list, let's evaluate these relationships a little more closely by considering two more questions:

Does our involvement and investment with each person reflect the priority this relationship should be at present?

For wives and mothers: does our investment of time reflect that our husband and children are our greatest priority? ( Prov 31:10-31, Titus 2:3-5)

Does our relational network indicate that we place the highest value on friendships in the church? ( Gal 6:10)

Do our relational priorities reveal a lifestyle of evangelism? ( Col. 4:5-6)

What specific, practical changes do we need to make in our relationships so that we are involved with and investing in the right people for the right amount of time?

Finally, let me encourage you to show this list to your husband (where applicable) or another godly woman. Let's not assume we can figure this out on our own! And if you are a mother of a teenage girl, carve out some time to take her through this exercise.

Evaluating my relationships on a regular basis, in accordance with God's Word, has never failed to yield insight. I usually become aware of specific changes that reap God-glorifying results as I put them in place.

I pray God will bless you as you seek to bring honor to Him -- not only in the way that you walk, but also with whom you walk!

For a more in-depth read on this topic, check out the Mahaney's newest book: Shopping for Time: How to Do It All and NOT be Overwhelmed (Crossway, 2007)

This article was adapted from "Girl Talk" - a blog kept by Carolyn and her three daughters for women in all seasons of life.

Carolyn Mahaney is a wife, mother, homemaker, and the author of Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother , Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood and Shopping for Time: How To Do It All and Not Be Overwhelmed (written with her daughters) due out in July. During her more than 30 years as a pastor's wife, Carolyn has spoken to women in many churches and conferences, including those of Sovereign Grace Ministries, which her husband, C.J., leads. C.J. and Carolyn have three married daughters and one fourteen-year-old son, Chad.

Nicole Whitacre is the oldest daughter of C.J. and Carolyn Mahaney, as well as a wife, mother, and homemaker. She assisted her mother with Feminine Appeal, and is the co-author of Girl Talk . Nicole and her husband Steve--who is a youth pastor at Sovereign Grace Church--have one son Jack, 4 and a newborn daughter Tori.

Kristin Chesemore and her husband Brian are the busy parents of three boys. Andrew is seven, Liam is four, and Owen is three. In the little spare time she does have, Kristin supports Brian in his role as a pastor in Family Life Ministries at Covenant Life Church.

Janelle Bradshaw has been married to her husband Mike for four years and they have a beautiful daughter Caly, 1. Mike serves as a pastor in Children's Ministry at Covenant Life Church.

Healthy Recipe: Beef Enchilada Casserole Recipe

2007-10-27T09:46:00.001+08:00

Recipe Brought to you by

This recipe serves: 6

Preparation time: 30 minutes

Cooking time: 20 minutes

Ingredients

For the sauce:

1 tablespoon vegetable oil

1 medium onion, chopped

1 poblano or jalapeño chili pepper, seeded and diced

3 cloves garlic, minced

2 cups chopped canned tomatoes

1 pinch sugar

salt to taste

freshly ground black pepper

For the enchiladas:

1 tablespoon vegetable oil

1 pound skirt steak, cut into small strips

1 medium onion, chopped

3 cloves garlic, minced

1 large Idaho potato, peeled and chopped

2 cups chopped canned tomatoes

1 teaspoon dried oregano

1 teaspoon ground cumin

1/2 cup raisins, preferably golden

8 chopped green olives

12 small corn tortillas

1/3 cup grated Romano cheese

Cooking Instructions

For the sauce:

1. In a saucepan, heat the oil over medium heat. Add the onion, pepper and garlic and cook for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.

2. Add the tomatoes, sugar, salt and pepper and simmer for 10 minutes.

3. Puree the sauce in a blender or food processor.

For the enchiladas:

1. In a large skillet, heat the oil over high heat. Season the steak with salt and pepper and brown it in the hot pan. Transfer the steak to a plate and set aside.

2. Using the same skillet, reduce the heat to medium and add the onion and garlic. Cook for 2 minutes.

3. Add the potato, tomato, oregano, cumin, salt and pepper and cook for 10 minutes. Add the steak, raisins and olives and stir to combine.

4. Preheat the oven to 350ºF.

5. Fill the corn tortillas with the steak mixture and arrange them in a single layer in a large baking dish. Cover the enchiladas with the sauce and sprinkle with cheese.

6. Cover the baking dish with foil and bake for 20 to 25 minutes.

Nutrition Facts

Serving size: 2 enchiladas

Calories 383

Total Fat 14 g

Saturated Fat 4 g

Protein 23 g

Total Carbohydrate 46 g

Dietary Fiber 6 g

Sodium 309 mg

Percent Calories from Fat 31%

Percent Calories from Protein 23%

Percent Calories from Carbohydrate 46%

The Prayer Every Mother Must Pray

2007-10-27T09:40:00.000+08:00

By Rebekah Montgomery

*Ministry Tips to Help Parents of Prodigals (POPs) at the end of the article

I don't think I ever truly loved anyone so absolutely unreservedly
until the doctor placed a squirming little morsel of humanity on my
chest and the nurses lifted my head so I could see my newborn. It was
as if the spirits of every mother from Eve to the present gathered
around the head of the delivery table and said, "Now you are really
going to learn about unconditional love!"

True. Too true. The slog through the Valley of the Shadow of Death
required to birth a baby is a cakewalk compared to the rigors of
childrearing. Like all mothers, I have needed to draw heavily on that
God-given reserve of love for patience, wisdom, and endurance for that
trek. But even childrearing is a stroll-in-the-park compared to the
hand-to-hand combat with Satan for the souls of each of our four
children.

This was never truer than for our youngest son. After the tragic loss
of a son and several miscarriages, my husband and I were blessed to
adopt to complete our family.

Some children are born with sunny dispositions and eager to please, but
our last son came into the world indignant about the cold hands of
delivery room nurse, the doctor's bad breath, and slow service in
getting him a bottle. He was angry and opinionated for the next 20
years and adolescence was all-out warfare. The school actually had my
phone number on speed dial. We tried everything and later discovered
that he had some contributing medical problems. None of this changed
our love for and commitment to our son, but it certainly tested it.

There were literally hundreds of nights when all I did was pray,
begging God for wisdom and to heal and save our wayward son. I felt
like I was trailing the Good Shepherd through the darkness, edging
sheer cliffs, fighting wolves, as we searched for this lost lamb.

I'll admit it: I very often felt discouraged. Yet, like the persistent
mother Jesus encountered (Matthew 15, Mark 7), I had just enough
stubborn faith to keep begging God to help and heal.

From my perspective, the story of the persistent mother is a tragic
comedy with a happy ending. In the story, Jesus is visiting Tyre on the
seacoast. The Scriptures don't say what He is doing there—resting,
preaching, shopping—but a mother attaches herself to Him, begging for
mercy for her demon-possessed child and refuses to leave His side. The
disciples are peeved. They don't care about the suffering of the child
or the mother. They want peace and quiet!

Here is just one of the heartbreaks experienced by the parents of
wayward children: Not only are their children at risk, their Christian
friends may not be very supportive. They may not know what to say. Or
they are full of those irritating pat answers. Often, my husband and I
found comfort and help at Al-Anon that we did not find at church. That
should not and need not be the case.

Fortunately, Jesus never tired of our neediness. Nor did He tire of the
pleading of the relentless mother.

The comedy portion takes place in the clever, almost playful repartee
between Jesus and the persistent mother. He says (paraphrase), "I can't
help you. I'm sent only to the lost sheep of Israel."

"Help me anyway," the mother begs.

"It's not right to take the children's meat and give it to the dogs."

"True. But even dogs gets crumbs."

At this point, you can almost here Jesus laugh with delight at her
stubborn confidence in His goodness and grace. "You have great faith!
Your daughter is healed!"

And joy of joys, she was!

Regardless of the attitude of the disciples, prevailing religious
snobbery, or any discouragement, the mother trusted and doggedly
pursued the compassionate heart of Jesus. Every despairing parent can,
too.

One night, when the situation with my son looked hopeless, I had a
vision. In it, I was carrying my son through a dark, foggy night over
rocky terrain. He was heavy and the way was difficult but I would not
set him down. I carried him uphill until I could go no farther. I
looked up and before me was the cross and Jesus hanging upon it, His
blood dripping down. In wonder and awe, I touched His blood and
immediately, I felt stronger, hopeful, empowered, wiser.

And I knew what to do: I prayed the prayer every mother must pray for
her child whether that child is prodigal or not: "By the power of the
blood of Jesus Christ, bring every thought and imagination of my
child's mind, every emotion of his heart, every deed of his hands, and
every step that he takes under Your Lordship. Lead him to love You with
all of his heart, mind, and soul, and his neighbor as himself."

With that, I touched him with the blood of Jesus. Then I asked the
Lord, "What now?"

He said, "Leave him with Me."

I laid my son at the foot of the cross. Although the vision ended, in
my heart, there my son remains.

I still pray for my son, but I pray in confidence now rather than out
of desperation and fear. Like the persistent mother, I have laid him at
Jesus' feet. His love is healing him. Jesus wants my son to be well,
too.

I have prayed the prayer of the persistent mother with many mothers and
grandmothers struggling to bring their children to mental and spiritual
health in a world where Satan actively seeks to destroy them. We will
stay on our knees pleading for the healing of our children's souls
until we receive what we seek, all the while believing in the powerful
love of Jesus whose crumbs heal.

Ministry Tips to Help Parents of Prodigals (POPs)

By Rebekah Montgomery

Acknowledge that prodigals happen despite the best efforts of
parents. After all, God had two perfect children in a perfect world and
was the perfect Parent but wound up with two prodigals (Adam and Eve).
Pray God's protection over the children of POPs. The terror of every
POPs is that their children will not only miss out on the peace and joy
of knowing Christ now, but also eternally live separated from Him.
Encourage POPs to let the Holy Spirit do His work and for them to
cultivate a joyous relationship with their children. It is tempting for
many POPs to focus only on the state of their children's eternal souls
and drive them further away from God.
Pray that God will give POPs special wisdom and sensitivity to their
children's needs. The parent-child bond needs to be strengthened
regardless of the state of the child's soul. As it is strengthened, the
child is drawn away from his rebellion against the Lord.

© Rebekah Montgomery 2007

Resource: What does God Sound Like?

2007-10-13T16:14:00.001+08:00

Dr. Dan Raunikar

New Life Clinics

source: Crosswalk

God speaks in all sorts of ways. Sometimes He reveals His will to us by an impression. Sometimes He speaks by an inner voice. Sometimes we can hear Him speaking through the voice of a stranger, a friend, the words of a song, a thought from a book, or a verse of Scripture. God has no special formula or method for communicating with His people, but His guidance can be broken down into three general categories: personal, corporeal, and supernatural.

Personal guidance:

God communicates through His Word. He sometimes communicates to you when you meditate on His Word - gradually breaking a thought down, working it over and over in your mind. His word has basic principles you can follow for guidance and direction in determining His will for you. If you receive a message that does not agree with the Word of God, disregard it because God never contradicts His Word (Ps. 119:4-5, 24).
God communicates through the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will tell you whatever He hears from the Father and He will glorify Jesus (John 16:13-14). In the Old Testament, the presence of the Holy Spirit was selective and temporary. The anointing was given as a temporary gift to provide God's powers and direction in some area of service. After Pentecost, however, the Holy Spirit became a universal and permanent dwelling in believers.
God communicates by engineering your circumstances. He often speaks to you in the language of your circumstances, but it takes discernment and wisdom to determine if these circumstances are intended to give godly direction. Prayer, Scripture, circumstances, and the counsel of other believers must agree in the direction you sense God leading you.

Corporeal Communication (other believers):

God communicates through godly men and women. Counsel from those you know to have a pure and trustworthy walk with God is invaluable when you're moving toward a major decision (Prov. 12:15, 15:22). Advice from mature Christians should confirm a message God has already given you, not send you off in a new direction.
God communicates through His servants in the ministry. He has called certain people today to speak for Him. Sometimes He will use a message or sermon to bring needed light when you are facing a difficult decision (Is. 6:8-10) These messages should confirm what you already think the Lord is saying to you.

Supernatural Communication:

God communicates audibly. Just as He spoke to Saul on the road to Damascus, God's voice can come as an audible sound, not just a mental impression. Peter Marshall, the Scottish preacher who later became chaplain of the U.S. Senate, said he heard God's audible voice call out his name twice on a dark night.
God communicates through visions and dreams. If you believe that God may be trying to speak to you in one of these ways, prayerfully consider the details of your dreams or vision and remember they may represent symbols or principles, not necessarily absolutes.

Note: Remember that God's communication will leave you with a sense of spiritual uplift, as it stills you, leads you, reassures you, enlightens you, encourages you, comforts you and convicts you to His truth.

Taken from Choosing God's Best by Don Raunikar. Copyright (c) 1998. Used by permission of Multnomah (r) Publishers, Inc., Sisters, Ore. Contact your local bookstore to order.
Dr. Dan Raunikar is director of New Life Clinics in Houston, Texas, where he works as a psychotherapist specializing in singles issues. He leads Christian singles seminars nationwide and oversees Lifehouse, a home for young women experiencing crisis pregnancies. He and his wife, Kimberley, live in Houston.

Resource: Living with Less

2007-10-13T16:12:00.001+08:00

Leader's Insight: Living with Less
Leading believers to embrace a simpler life (and 3 key questions to get us there).
by Chad Hall, Leadership guest columnist
source: Leadershipjournal.net

Everywhere I go these days, big is in. My combo meal is super-sized, my SUV is third row, and the TV of my dreams is 62-inch plasma. We Americans are big eaters, big spenders, and big wasters. Even our churches are into big, owning big malls and even bigger coliseums in order to accommodate big crowds and enable big growth. Like the population at large, we Christians seem to have a growing acceptance of the bigger is better credo.

But all this growth might be creating some big problems.

Our society and systems seem unable of handling the never-ceasing expansion of want and need. Our souls are groaning and the planet is buckling beneath the collateral damage of growth. Landfills are full, the air is thick, and we cannot drink from many of our streams.

In light of our growing problems, maybe the church should give small a chance. I propose that ministry leaders are just the ones to help Christ followers exchange big for small. After all, leaders are supposed to help usher others toward something better (not just something bigger), so maybe we should start ushering folks toward living lives that are less hectic, less cluttered, less selfish and less toxic. And maybe instead of a big ad campaign advertising "LESS!" we should start living with less ourselves. Instead of the pulpit, maybe some personal choices would help slow down the growth, bring some sanity to our lives and make the world more livable.

Give less a chance.
Our family recently decided to sell our riding mower because its impact on the environment was not offset by its necessity. Shortly after, my wife quipped, "I think we're becoming tree-huggers."

How had it come to this? After all, I have a strong dislike of Birkenstocks, I think Michael Moore is a narcissist, and I appreciate creature comforts every bit as much as the next guy. So why is my family choosing to push-mow the lawn, ditch the extra television, and experiment with line-drying our clothes? I'm not sure how it all began or where it's going, but we've adopted a series of small questions that are redirecting our souls and may be benefiting the world around us.

Three small questions
Not to cast blame, but my journey toward less started with Randy Frazee. Prior to a conference in 2003, Randy and I had a dinner conversation during which he shared with me the somewhat radical lifestyle changes his family had made in order to make room for real relationships.

A few months later Randy wrote the book Making Room for Life. When my wife and I read that book, we started talking and eventually began asking the question of simplification , "Even though something is commonplace, do we really need it in our lives?"

With that question in mind, all sorts of things were up for grabs: buying a house in the "right" school district, needing two incomes, cell phones, minivans, and even (hold your breath!) signing our kids up for soccer. It was like a little compact fluorescent light bulb turned on to illuminate some of the chains of conformity we had allowed to make our decisions for us. We began to see how deeply we'd bought into culture's code of success being equated with more and more. The results of all this "more" were clutter and confusion and so we decided to simplify our lives. Removing some of the typical suburban clutter was a bit scary, but over the course of a few years, it really has begun to make room for life.

We soon discovered the joy of having fewer bills to pay, fewer trips to make, fewer calendars to juggle, and fewer agendas to manage. Lurking amidst the resource of free time, we discovered the pleasure of not just having neighbors, but of knowing our neighbors. Our lives soon began to revolve more and more around the half dozen or so families we considered to be our neighbors.

We soon recognized that our role as good neighbors meant significantly other than trying to get someone to attend this or that church. As we experienced the inherent value of people and place, we began to ask, "How can we live so that when Christ returns he won't have to work so hard to redeem our neighborhood?" This became our family's question of significance. We want to add kingdom value to the relational, spiritual and even physical environment we inhabit. Our interactions with neighbors have gone from enjoying their company to co-laboring with them for the good of our little corner of creation. Campfires in the backyard, pizza on Sunday nights, and building a tree house all took on kingdom significance because we were contributing to making things in our acres of earth a little more as they are in heaven.

From significance we took the small step to stewardship. A couple of months ago we picked up a book by medical doctor Matthew Sleeth entitles Serve God, Save the Planet. We've read with wide wonder about the ways his family scaled back their "quality of life" in order to have less impact on the planet. They got rid of their dishwasher and clothes dryer. They traded down to a house the size of their former garage. They produce a small bag of garbage every other week. Wow.

Reading such stories helps us see how a radical lifestyle aligns with living God's way. Now our family is asking the question of stewardship, "Will this choice make the world more like heaven or more like hell?" Our neighborhood of concern has expanded dramatically. Landfills, toxins, and making choices based on our own wants: these are the ingredients of hell. The new heaven and new earth will include none of these things, so why should we add them to this world now? When we choose concern over convenience and less over more, we are being kind to neighbors we have never met and honoring creatures God thought worthy of life.

Go thou and do likewise
I don't think our family is unique. We fight consumerism and selfishness and choices of convenience perhaps more than does the typical family of five. But small realizations are leading to simple questions that force important decisions in our everyday life (including which mower to use). All of this matters not because the environment is suddenly a hot topic, or because we worship Mother Earth, or think our spit will fill the ocean, but because the dots suddenly connect: when I live a gospel life I desire less stuff for myself, which frees up time and space for heavenly community, and this community includes places and people far away and even in the future.

So what does living and leading with less look like for you? What about your congregation? What if those you lead followed your example in removing the clutter, focusing on community and caring for creation? My hunch is that God would be pleased, you would find life more livable and the planet would breath a deep sigh of gratitude.

Chad Hall is a coach/consultant living in Cary, North Carolina, and the co-author of Coaching for Christian Leaders: A Practical Guide .

What Women Want

2007-09-29T21:15:00.001+08:00

Author: John and Stasi Eldredge and Jim Burns

source: HomeWord

Don't miss our HomeWord with Jim Burns 2-part broadcast on September 20 & 21, 2007, as Jim Burns talks with John & Stasi Eldredge about "What Women Want." Listen online to these programs on or after the airing dates by accessing our broadcast webpage. To do so, click here.

What is it that women want? The pressures women face today from the culture (like "Do more" and "Be more") leave many wrestling with this question. This struggle too often results in women living with a constant sense of failure. The key to overcoming these feelings is found with getting back to the heart; of rediscovering and recapturing their core desires. Not long ago, I spoke with John and Stasi Eldridge, authors of the book, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul and they shared with me their insights into this critical issue.

Many women have suffered hurts and wounds to their hearts from childhood and as adults. These often lead to women losing the sense of who God has created them to be, and becomes a catalyst to conform to the culture's view of what a woman is. Women will strive to do more, be more and pursue shallow and fleeting ideals (like appearance and busyness.) Yet, Jesus wants to give women their hearts back. He can heal the hurts and wounds that have negatively affected women's lives. He's in the heart-healing business. (The focus of his mission was foretold in Isaiah 61, "The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound.")

God has given three core desires to women. He put these desires in a women's heart; they are her destiny. These core desires reflect what women are made for. As women allow Jesus to do His healing work to restore their hearts, he wants to reawaken these desires within.

1. To be romanced.

Women have been created with a desire to be romanced. Ultimately, this desire is fulfilled when women allow themselves to be loved by God. And, God is the Great Lover. Jeremiah 31:3 reads, "The Lord has appeared to us in the past, saying: 'I have loved you with an everlasting love…" When a woman knows that she is loved passionately by God, she understands that she is safe in His love. She can risk offering her true heart, being vulnerable and tender, and invite others into deeper intimacy with and healing from Jesus.

Still, women desire romance from their husbands. They continually ask internal questions like, "Am I lovely? Do you enjoy me? Am I worth pursuing, worth fighting for? Am I captivating?" The wise husband will not let these questions go unanswered (or answered negatively.) Husbands ought to pay ongoing attention to his wife, know her, enjoy her and spend time with her.

2. To play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure.

Women don't want to be merely useful. They want to be irreplaceable in something epic and grand, something heroic. That's what women were made for.

Women should ask themselves, "What kind of calling has Jesus written on my heart?" God places desires in a woman's heart that reveal His adventure for your life. Consider how that might begin to play out in your life in relationship, parenting, career, and church? We read in Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the Lord ?and He will give you the desires of your heart."

And speaking of adventure, a desire for adventure comes naturally to men. It is one of their core desires. But men can easily tend to venture alone, leaving their wives behind. Rather, they should include their wives along on adventures that are appealing to both. They should share the grand adventure of life together. They should not leave their wives behind, while pursing adventure.

3. To unveil beauty.

Women are led to believe that beauty is a matter of external qualities alone and that the externals are of the utmost importance. Women also have a hard time believing that they possess any great beauty of their own. The truth is, that as image bearers of God, every woman possesses beauty. That beauty first, is a quality of soul. It is beauty that emerges and grows over time as a woman walks with God. Beauty makes itself known in the external as well. It expresses itself in the face, in the eyes, in the voice. Women want to make the world a more beautiful place through their lives. They inspire their husbands to become all that God created them to be.

For a fuller discussion of this topic, consider ordering John and Stasi Eldredge's important book, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul. For more information, click here.

Resource:Prayer as Breathing

2007-09-29T21:12:00.001+08:00

Mike DeVries

HomeWord

source: Crosswalk

Pray continually.
1 Thessalonians 5:17

What we think about prayer has a lot to say about what we think about God.

For some, prayer is mainly an exercise in bringing our "list" before God, cluing Him into our needs (as if He somehow was not in tune with them in the first place). For others, prayer is our divine check-in with our Creator, informing Him of the day's goings on. While still others see prayer as a moment of holy reverence, filled with "thee" and "thou" and a whole host of other words we would never use in "regular" discussion with our friends.

But what if prayer was so much more?

More than our lists.

More than talking over our day.

More than addressing some far-off deity.

What if prayer were more like breathing? Just as breathing is pretty essential to our physical well-being, so is prayer to our soul. From very early on, our spiritual ancestors knew there was a connection between prayer and breathing. This is why prayer is likened to our breathing in so many writings. They knew that breathing is essential to our lives. It is something that provides life and vitality, and without it, we wouldn't live but for a few moments. Breathing is something we do almost unconsciously.

What if prayer were like that? I think this is essentially what Paul is getting at when he tells the followers of Jesus in Thessalonica to "pray continually." I doubt that he was telling them to walk around continually with their heads bowed and eyes closed. Rather, I think he was inviting them to see prayer as a connection, as a way of living and breathing, a way of being connected to and communing with the Creator.

Breathing is equal parts exhaling and inhaling. You can't inhale without exhaling. Likewise, you cannot exhale very long before inhaling.

I wonder if prayer is like that – equal parts exhaling and inhaling. The Scriptures are filled with people who exhaled, people who, from the depths of their souls, spoke words of honesty to God. Frustration. Doubt. Anxiety. Anger. Joy. Sorrow. Pain. Disappointment. Hope. Fear. Dreams. Brokenness. Just take some time to read through Psalms and you'll see these kinds of emotions and many more. Historically, the people of God knew one thing for certain: God is big enough for our emotions, good or bad. He knows about them anyway, so why not tell Him honestly?

The Scriptures are also filled with people who inhaled, people who sought for the Creator God to fill them with His presence, His goodness, with peace and wholeness. They sought God to fill their beings with His, to allow His Spirit to dwell with theirs. By inhaling, they were seeking to have their lives be more in rhythm with the way and life of God.

Take a few minutes today to breathe, really breathe. Allow yourself to inhale and exhale, to pray to God your Creator.

What do you need to exhale to God? What do you need to inhale?

Read More: Exodus 32:10-14; Psalm 106:19-23; Jeremiah 20:7; Matthew 6:9-11